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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brave The Shave - NOT IN MY NAME

340 replies

TwitterQueen1 · 25/08/2018 17:25

I know IANBU but posting here for traffic.

I see Macmillan is now advertising BTS on tv. It doesn't seem to matter how many of us protest that the whole campaign:

  • is extremely offensive and upsetting
  • trivialises and minimises the effects of chemo
  • claims that it makes people understand what it's like to have cancer

Would you paint black and bruises on your face to 'show support' for victims of DV?

Would you tie one leg behind your back and hop around town to 'show support' for those with disabilities?

  • Do you know that Macmillan are asking those who've done BTS is "How are enjoying your new look?" or even worse - "Hope you're enjoying your new look!" WT actual Fuck. I mean, us cancer patients absolutely ADORE losing all our hair and feeling like total shit for months.... and random healthy strangers indulging in narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunts makes us feel even better. Angry

And (in response to my complaint) these offensive statements apparently fall within Macmillan's social media guidelines'?

Bathe in baked beans, run marathons, walk a mile, hold coffee mornings.... do ANYTHING ELSE, but don't pretend for a second that shaving your head helps you understand how cancer patients feel. You have absolutely no idea at all. None.

OP posts:
purpleunicorns · 25/08/2018 18:12

This: I'm mindful thank you TheMatte but unless you're a bald cancer patient I don't give a flying fuck.

I couldn't agree more, it's not just losing hair from your head it's the eyebrows/eyelashes, grey skin and feeling like absolute shite. And you don't see people rushing to shave their eyebrows off. Oh no, because then they wouldn't look "cool" would they.

I always knew you were awesome TQ but I think I'm now a little bit in love with you GrinWink

NeverStopExploring · 25/08/2018 18:14

Macmillan advertise the wig services to donate the hair to for those that have long enough hair. I do think it would be far more appropriate for all hairdressers to offer the service instead as I agree brave the shave is rather tasteless but I can also see why they won’t pull it with it being an easy source of income. The ice bucket challenge was awful with most people doing it for a dare and not to raise funds at all. That turned into a huge self obsorbed attention seeking stunt!

GertrudetheFifth · 25/08/2018 18:14

As a long term cancer survivor, I hated and still hate the fighting and ‘stay positive’ talk. I agree with FuzzyCustard that it is really used to shut cancer patients down from talking about the fear and suffering. I think people also want to believe that there is something they can do to influence the disease, because the truth (that some patients are probably screwed because of the precise genetic mutations of their disease from day 1) is too depressing and scary to think about.

As for head shaving... I didn’t shave my head for chemo. It kind of fell off in clumps into my hands painlessly a few days after I began high dose treatment for a relapse. I remember standing in the shower and pulling it out in wads. I don’t see how getting a crew cut is similar.

mumsastudent · 25/08/2018 18:15

"let not your right hand know what your left hand is doing" to paraphrase; basically giving and volunteering shouldn't be for show - while I appreciate the other side where the charity is trying to get money to help but sometimes I am ambivalent about some of these stunts - one thing that makes me grind my teeth a bit is where you have facebook items where people talk about liking and sharing things on cancer survivors - when people send you these & there is an implied push for you to share because of your experiences & they must know that you have someone who has or hasn't got through this & really doesn't want to be reminded but just live your life

80sMum · 25/08/2018 18:16

OP, I absolutely, totally, utterly, completely and without reservation agree with you!!

The PP who said "just give money direct without the nonsense" is spot on!

missyB1 · 25/08/2018 18:16

I would have a lot more respect for a campaign called "there but for the grace, give us a tenner" at least it's honest and to the point!

You can't emulate the symptoms and side effects of having cancer and why would anybody want to? Macmillan are scraping the barrel with this one.

Seaelf · 25/08/2018 18:17

People doing head shaves justify it by saying "it's just hair". To those who lose theirs, and have no idea if, when or how it'll grow back it's not "just hair". Think about the physical attributes we give when describing someone - hair is one of the first things we mention. Eyebrows & eyelashes serve a purpose, they're not "just hair". Nothing brave about shaving your head for cash, just more attention seeking nonsense. If you care that much about whatever charity it's for, try volunteering some time - Macmillan support in this area is severely rationed due to lack of volunteers & staff but no shortage of fundraisers being held on their behalf.

wanderings · 25/08/2018 18:17

(I'm now seeing Macmillan adverts on my screen.) A phrase which has come up before is if someone wins or loses the "battle" against cancer.

Another slogan which annoys me is "Cancer we're coming to get you." Think about it. Get you. On a mission to "get cancer"?? I daresay it's meant to be a deliberate mistake but it's a tasteless one at that. I'm just glad it's not "going" rather than "coming".

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/08/2018 18:17

I agree with you, TwitterQueen it's an awful campaign. It's designed to get knee-jerk reactions without thought of those who are suffering from cancer. I don't think it's ok and I never will. It's just a cunning and calculated method to raise the profile of Macmillan.

It reminds me of those horrible car ribbon 'topiaries' I see locally, it's almost a competition to see who can get the biggest, most florid and distracting displays. Distracting for drivers and just attention-seeking.

I think attention-seeking will prevail, sadly, this is the age of it.

DramaAlpaca · 25/08/2018 18:18

I agree with you TQ.

HelenaDove · 25/08/2018 18:18

Thanks Thanks to all those affected by this illness.

The "fighting" talk i cant understand Its not language thats used about MS or any other illness.

I think there should be a campaign to raise awareness of other side effects.

The late politician Mo Mowlam had a disparaging article written in the press about her weight gain and the way she looked.

It was the side effects of treatment for her tumour. It was a really nasty ignorant article and i cant remember who wrote it. There is far too much bullying in society over the way people look. I think it would help if charities addressed this a bit more.

Gersemi · 25/08/2018 18:18

Many people shave their head, not because they think it will resemble how a cancer patient feels, but to show their solidarity and support.

But isn't it somewhat patronising to insist that you are showing solidarity and support if cancer patients are telling you that it doesn't make them feel supported or that you are in solidarity with them?

Tanith · 25/08/2018 18:18

"The only person I know who has done this completely fits your description of indulging in narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunts and I find it very disrespectful."

Same here. The person I know didn't even shave her bloody head! She got a smart, new haircut and her facebook was filled with comments about how it suited her, how well she looked. Angry Angry

PavlovianLunge · 25/08/2018 18:19

The aim is to donate hair to make wigs for cancer patients...

Are you sure about this? A friend has donated hair twice, and it’s had to be long; certainly longer than most people I know keep their hair. It also can have no more than (iirc) 10% grey. I suspect that most of the hair that’s cut for BTS ends up in landfill.

I agree that it’s a poorly considered campaign.

placemats · 25/08/2018 18:20

YANBU

Repeat.

YANBU

It's a fucking nonsense, equal to black face which no one does anymore.

Wishing you all the very best Flowers xx

MissusGeneHunt · 25/08/2018 18:23

I had no idea there was this feeling for this specific way of raising money for charities. Crikey. I do see your point OP, though.

My DS (13) is currently growing his hair to have it shaved for charity next March. Two charities are involved, of his own choice, one is our local hospice and the other a men's mental health campaign. I'm wondering now whether this may be unacceptable? Neither he or I would want to offend anyone at all. I think his choice of method was due to few young people doing this, that's all. Whilst derailing slightly, I'd be very happy to hear opinions.

Flowers, to you, OP and all those who are unwell.

ladydickisathingapparently · 25/08/2018 18:23

I’m with you. I hate it. And I hate the whole kicking cancer’s butt rhetoric too. My friends and relatives who’ve died of cancer weren’t sad losers who were beaten by cancer, they were just bloody unlucky.

I wish all of you well in dealing with this hideous fucking disease Flowers

Boulshired · 25/08/2018 18:24

The worst I have seen is a grown adult who thought it was really funny, even had the shave in the pub. There are exceptions, my friend did it for her young daughter so she wasn’t alone, but there was no sponsorship.

StepBackNow · 25/08/2018 18:25

I'm a cancer survivor and I find the campaign totally offensive. I'm with you, OP

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/08/2018 18:26

I totally see your point OP, and without wishing to in any way trivialise what you've said (so I hope it doesn't), it's also a bit like the "live out of a backpack for 40 hours" thing that's supposed to help people empathise with refugees. How? Living out of a backpack for one fecking day isn't going to even get close to the feelings of utter despair and hopelessness that will be common in refugees, who didn't choose to be that way but were forced through circumstance. It isn't going to touch on the emotional state they are in if they've had to flee their homeland and become a refugee elsewhere. It's just a meaningless sop - a bit like the "austerity" lunches in private schools too!

Meaningless sops.

I hope your treatment is going well, and everyone else on this thead who is still going through it Thanks

harrypotternerd · 25/08/2018 18:28

I had never really thought about how people undergoing chemo felt about it until my dad got cancer. Then I realised how tasteless it is. I set up a monthly donation to a cancer charity and went on my way.

I get annoyed that some people need to advertise the fact that they are doing something for charity. Giving to charity should never be for show, it should be about common decency and wanting to do something to help whether that be volunteering, giving a small donation once a year or giving ongoing regular donations. Not everybody has to know.
Sorry you are having such a shit time. You have every right to be angry, my dad was not an angry man but he was when he was diagnosed and I don't blame him for that.

Septima · 25/08/2018 18:30

YANBU

I also find it annoying that the amount of money Macmillan raise appears to be disproportionate to the amount of cancer care they actually provide. They’re everywhere and must raise shedloads, yet they don’t run any hospices and only employ nurses for a couple of years whilst they’re trained. They don’t train people from scratch to be nurses.

I suspect it’s just a make work setup and because it’s cancer people give generously so they can rake it in.

HelenaDove · 25/08/2018 18:31

There wouldnt be half as many doing it if social media didnt exist.

purpleunicorns · 25/08/2018 18:31

And I hate being told I'm a fighter or I'm battling cancer. Does that mean everybody who has died from cancer didn't fight hard enough?
I think fucking not Angry

Original poster
TwitterQueen1 · 25/08/2018 18:32

Purple age has its compensations... Wink I stopped caring what people thought of me the day I got my dx. Grin x

Tss good point - it's not just head hair, it's all hairs everywhere, which eg, means you have to have a tissue in your hand at all times because there's nothing in your nose to stop the snot running out.... which it does, often, and generally in public.

And don't get me started on nails and teeth - toenails going manky, inability to wear normal shoes and boots, fillings & broken teeth - all keratin related of course.

OP posts:
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