Brave The Shave - NOT IN MY NAME

[TwitterQueen1]

I know IANBU but posting here for traffic.

I see Macmillan is now advertising BTS on tv. It doesn't seem to matter how many of us protest that the whole campaign:

• is extremely offensive and upsetting
• trivialises and minimises the effects of chemo
• claims that it makes people understand what it's like to have cancer

Would you paint black and bruises on your face to 'show support' for victims of DV?

Would you tie one leg behind your back and hop around town to 'show support' for those with disabilities?

• Do you know that Macmillan are asking those who've done BTS is "How are enjoying your new look?" or even worse - "Hope you're enjoying your new look!" WT actual Fuck. I mean, us cancer patients absolutely ADORE losing all our hair and feeling like total shit for months.... and random healthy strangers indulging in narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunts makes us feel even better.

And (in response to my complaint) these offensive statements apparently fall within Macmillan's social media guidelines'?

Bathe in baked beans, run marathons, walk a mile, hold coffee mornings.... do ANYTHING ELSE, but don't pretend for a second that shaving your head helps you understand how cancer patients feel. You have absolutely no idea at all. None.

Totally agree with you Twitter Queen

Not in my name either. Can’t say how much I despise the “fight cancer” ideology as well, as if you didn’t try hard enough if you “lost the battle”. If anyone comes near me or mine mouthing any of this crap they will seriously be sorry.

My Ds2 shaved his head just before my DP died of cancer in Jan. My DP died three days later. Ds2 stood up to do his eulogy at the funeral with his head shaved. He made £600 for CRUK....

My dad was a writer - he had lung cancer and 22 months later he died

During that time he wrote a book - his intent was to self-publish as an ebook and raise money for cancer research - he died before it happened and the charities weren't interested in a book from someone who had died and couldn't publicise it

But he wrote this:
"‘Brave Doreen (or whoever) finally lost her battle for life against cancer.’ – Even before my present circumstances became apparent I almost used to scream at this trite sentence; invariably trotted out by newspapers and magazines. The implication of it is quite awful. Poor Doreen (or whoever) would have made it if she’d just fought harder or more cleverly. It’s just the most cheap, insulting epitaph ever coined."

My best friend is going through chemo now and it's heartbreaking. 4 months ago she asked me to shave her head as it was all falling out and she couldn't take it anymore. She was silently sobbing as I turned the clippers on so out of sympathy I gave the clippers to her and sat in front of the mirror so she could do mine first. The smile on her face was one I'll never forget and the 'bald besties' photo frame she made me is one of my most precious treasures.

To sum up, I can see why people do it out of sympathy and solidarity however it was not a "fun" experience and mine grew back so it was a hell of a lot easier for me to do than her having to do it because she was potentially dying. Huge difference not to be ignored. Definitely not something to be made light of.

I did a search to find out more about MacM's idea. It brought up a Sun "story" knicking a similar thread from MN in 2016.

So clearly they don't give a crap what actual cancer patients think as it raises lots of money.

I’m absolutely with you on this Twitter Queen.

I totally agree and have been ranting over these adverts.

It's insensitive and crass. Raise money by all means but do it in a way that won't cause offence or isn't attention seeking.

I was speaking to someone yesterday who is a healthcare professional. During the conversation a certain type of chemotherapy came as I was querying the truly appalling side effects a friend had had.
She said they use that on children and that there still isn’t a chemo specifically for children. Now I don’t know if she is correct, but if she is why not? Billions of pounds have been raised to fund cancer cures. Where does all the money go?

I too have contacted Macmillan and said this is a deeply offensive campaign to many. The concerns by many who have been through chemo fall on deaf ears.

It is not brave it’s a haircut.
It does not show solidarity - unless you shave off literally all your hair, everywhere and have streaming eyes and runny nose.
The idea some people will have a laugh whilst mimicking one of the most traumatic side effects is ‘brave’ is at best insulting. One wouldn’t do a sponsored shake for epilepsy awareness, or a sponsored crawl in camouflage clothing for help the hero.

People will say “It’s a bit of fun” and the complainers are “over sensitive” but same was said of black and white minstrels and gollywogs until most people realised what the message these were giving out was.
Please stop Macmillan. There are other, far braver ways.

I agree I don't like it

This is why I stay away from any media presence by cancer charities and have them blocked on SM.

Their fundraising arms don't give a shit about the distress and trauma their campaigns cause as long as it brings in donations. They do not fucking care.

Their ignorant shock campaigns after I helplessly watched my parent suffer and then die from cancer were fucking torture. Did my parent need to be confronted with that horrific bullshit as they were dying? Hell no. But you're not allowed to say anything because "but it's a good cause".

Yes, fine, but is it necessary to fucking traumatise those of us who've had the misfortune to actually be affected by the disease in question and are therefore the people their charity supposedly exists to help?

And anybody trying to tone police people on this needs to wind their fucking neck in. People have a right to be angry and distressed and to express that without being criticised or silenced.

My dB had a lymphoma a few years back.

I agree with OP on everything she said.

My dB had thick curly hair. I saw him (we live miles and miles apart) just before he started treatment. I visited him on his good days or when his partner said it was ok to come (when he wasn’t in hospital with dangerous infections, throwing up or sleeping for days on end).

We never told him he was brave. We never said how epic he was. We just said, get through this day, until the next one. Stick with it. We can only hope it’ll pay off. And it did. He’s been lymphoma free for about four years now.

But his thick curly hair never grew back as it was. It’s now fine, and straight, and barely there. DB says it doesn’t bother him but he wears hats more when he goes out, and keeps it very short. I know he misses it. He’s alive, but he’s lost a little bit of himself. His beard also didn’t grow back right either.

So no, BTS is a shit idea, because my brother cannot grow his hair back like it was before chemo. Because he lost a bit of his identity. Because he had to quickly adapt to a new image, which is quite important to most people. It should be stopped. It’s insensitive.

Oh Blimey i didnt know that No chemo specifically for children i also didnt realize about the runny nose problem

Both things ive learned from MN not Macmillan.

I think they care more about the money than anything else. I suppose they’ll claim that the end justifies the means, but I think it’s cynical at best and totally dismissive at worst.

I'm totally with you my lovely TQ. As someone who hasn't lost hair with chemo, it makes me feel as if i shouldn't be unhappy with my treatment as at least I got to keep my hair. Almost as if I'm a fraud. I can't feel shit because I have hair. Never mind all the other lovely side effects. They don't matter at all.
And to those who think your opinion counts if you haven't had cancer, I'm sorry but it just doesn't. I've seen several relatives suffer from it and when it was me it was a completely different experience. So yeah we do have monopoly even though we don't want it and hopefully you will never join our club.

I am fortunate to be well at the moment and didn't have any comments about my weight when I was going through chemo but I did have comments from people that I looked well or didn't look like I had cancer, ya I may look well but I was so anemic from the chemo I had a blood transfusion yesterday. I actually found the mental bit the hardest having to pretend to be strong and not talking about it too much for the sake of DH and my children but being really scared. I've been well for a few years now and try not to think about it all the time but it never really goes away.

OK. One in three of us will get cancer at some point in our life. That means 100% of us have been affected by cancer in some way. We all react differently to that and no-one has a monopoly on how cancer and can claim that how they feel is the right way to feel. Macmillian have obviously found this a successful campaign and that raises money to help lots of people however you feel about it.

Me personally, I think it makes it harder again for people like my Dad whose chemo DIDN'T make him bald so we had to deal with everyone being surprised how quickly he died because he didn't have the usual signs of being 'ill with cancer'. MIL and GM didn't have chemo at all since they had breast cancer (treated with radiotherapy and hormone therapy). Still cancer. My parents lovely neighbour that we all still miss 10 years after she died refused treatment. Still cancer. We all know lots of people with cancer and no-one, even if you are dying of it yourself, can dictate how others deal with it.

I've been well for a few years now and try not to think about it all the time but it never really goes away. Yes Lily that's the part that people don't understand.

The shame is that charities are all slugging it out for funding. Ever more extreme and “viral” quests are being touted as the thing to do, and the victims are thrown under the bus to get the social media hits.

Only half of the funding of a charity I’m involved in comes from statuary funding- the other half must come from fundraising... for an essential service.

It’s truly outrageous that our services aren’t supported 100% from taxes, as that way we can plan ahead and expand our much needed services..

Meanwhile the public, bless them, are suffering from charity giving fatigue.

It takes ages to come up with a campaign and if there is one already there, well, it’s cheaper to just roll it out again. This is what I suspect is happening with Macmillan.

I do feel for cancer victims and all those who’s hair loss is upsetting, who have to put up with narcissists on insta getting off on the shave..... or the ice bucket or whatever is the thing of the moment....

I also feel for sponsored marathon runners, as they all compete for a smaller pot of public giving.

Personally I despise the “seven mountains in seven days” or peak climbs like Kilimanjaro or Maccu Pichu type of fundraising, as environmentally it’s just disasterous...

I think we need to campaign for proper funding from taxes / government to run such services, (with full regulatory compliance and proper governance of course), rather then having to resort to cheap tricks to sell our services to the public.

It leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, to have a service offered by a charity seen as a product that has to be hawked.

The point is we shouldn’t be reliant on charity or charities. Aren’t MacMillan paid by the government or the NHS to provide palliative care.

I lost all my hair to alopecia and found the brave the shave really insulting from that point of view. Losing all your hair isn’t a choice. I’m just lucky mine wasn’t due to illness

My husband died this year from cancer. We never saw any Macmillan nurses. All the hand holding and squeezing in the adverts makes me angry. I have some rage issues with Macmillan.

Same here Crisps, have yet to meet a Macmillan nurse despite MIL dying of pancreatic cancer last year and DH being 4 years post cancer diagnosis and in ongoing treatment.

I'm unclear what kind of special cancer patient you need to be to warrant their input.

I've worked with Macmillan and found them very difficult to deal with. They also spend a huge amount of money on marketing and other backroom functions. Not my favourite charity.