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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to use pub toilet?

146 replies

AliceRR · 25/08/2018 16:54

I am nearly 16w pregnant. Not quite needing to pee all the time but today left the house for a viewing and needed to pee before we got there even though I had peer before I left the house!

DH said ask at the house but I felt cheeky. I was looking for somewhere to stop and use the loo and was getting slightly stressed as I needed to go and we needed to get the viewing.

I stopped at a pub 5 mins before we were due to be at the house but it was v close. Went in and looked toward the bar to ask if I could use the loo. Couldn’t see anyone.

I felt like people were all looking at me when I walked in. It was uncomfortable but I needed to go and I didn’t know who to speak to. I went to the loo. It was a bit shabby but clean enough.

After I came out a woman probably in her forties, who was sitting down with others and had her phone in front of her, said “I bet you 10p she doesn’t”. I asked what she meant. She told me she bet someone 10p I wouldn’t buy a drink. I said I actually don’t have to time stop now as we are on our way to a house viewing but I needed the loo and I was going to ask to use the loo but didn’t know who to ask (how would I have known she was in charge?). She said well you’ve been now. I said yes thanks.

But felt like saying “if you’d bee a bit more gracious DH and I might have stopped in for a drink after we’ve been to the house!”

But I was actually a bit upset by it. I felt bad. I did intend to ask but how would I have known? Maybe I should have stood at the bar?

Was I really rude? Or were they a bit rude? Maybe a bit of both. I really felt like they were all staring at me. It was quite unpleasant.

OP posts:

BrokenWing · 26/08/2018 10:59

The place is called a public house.

Its a public house, somewhere licensed to sell alcoholic drinks, that does not make it a public toilet.

Using a pub toilet without asking, or if you are in a hurry not apologising after and offering to buy something when you are not a customer is extremely rude.

Unless you have never been in a pub before you know if there was no one at the bar you wait at the bar until someone comes to serve you, which is likely to take only seconds.

Pubs cannot be expected to allow their customer facilities to be used as a public toilets and absorb the additional costs of more frequent cleaning and maintaining this would incur.

Yes you were rude, and they were probably pissed off and understandably rude in return as in their eyes your actions were just that of another CF.

Lalliella · 26/08/2018 11:01

When I was about 8 months pregnant I asked to use the loo at a petrol station where we’d bought petrol at the start of a journey. The lady was very pleasant but said no the toilet was only for staff. She then asked how long I had to go. I said about 2 hours. She looked at me a bit funny. It was only when we were halfway home that I realised she wasn’t asking about the length of the journey!

OP you’re overthinking. I sneak into toilets everywhere!

Slartybartfast · 26/08/2018 11:03

oh the woman in question was rude, just noticed the bit where you said there was no one to ask,
perhaps you shoud have waited a bit - surely someone would have wanted to serve you

AsleepAllDay · 26/08/2018 11:18

Rude of her to say that, honestly. You're pregnant so you can't always time a wee conveniently!

Anyway I often use pub loos if I'm really squeezed and don't buy a drink after, if they're cut up about it I don't really care

Loopy83 · 26/08/2018 11:18

@ArcheryAnnie

I realise that might've come over as unnecessarily nasty. I just don't see any she had to make a big deal over a pregnant lady using the loo. It's one woman, not a coach load, in which case yes she'd be perfectly entitled to be annoyed.

I'm actually ridiculously nice IRL. Hence why I'd support an uncomfortable pregnant lady using a pub loo for a wee.

PintOfMineralWater · 26/08/2018 11:25

“god what is actually wrong with people these days? do they have something wedged between their buttocks?“

I’m wondering this, too. I can’t bring myself to get worked up about people using a pub toilet! Especially in the UK where there never, ever seems to be a public toilet. What should people do instead? Pee in the gutter?

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 13:34

Some of the responses on here are just batty, I really think there is a parallel universe such as Mumsnet. If needs must, op did not have time for a drink, bloody hell that would make it even worse, she would be going even more. Some people are just devoid of common sense.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 13:35

And empathy, would you have said that if she had a medical condition. Similar thing, as the baby is pressing on her bladder virtually squashing it flat, meaning she needs to go to the toilet every so often.

Pengggwn · 26/08/2018 13:40

Aeroflotgirl

I would say the same thing irrespective of her medical condition: she does not have an automatic right to access toilet facilities on private property.

Naturally, I would always let someone use a customer toilet if they asked with a reasonable degree of politeness. But I would expect them to at least offer to buy something, and would think them rude if they didn't.

QuestionableMouse · 26/08/2018 13:47

Most McDonald's don't care if you pop in to use the loo. We view it as another potential customer through the door because there's always the chance you'll buy something.

Only thing that annoys me is the business men coming in for a shit and leaving the loo disgusting and stinking.

Original poster

AliceRR · 26/08/2018 13:58

@TheHulksPurplePanties Exactly! There was no one there to ask or buy something from and when I realised who seemed to be in charge she was a bit of a tw*t to be honest.

Not sure where this idea that I think I have a right to pee anywhere as I’m pregnant comes from. I don’t think that. I went in the pub and wanted to ask but didn’t know who to ask as there was no one behind the bar and I was in a rush (and really needed to go!) so I didn’t think I’d be hurting anyone by going.

And tbh everyone staring at me when I walked in made me want to leave ASAP!

I’m not obviously pregnant for those asking and didn’t feel like telling her as I found her really unpleasant. She was sitting at a table with other people and they were obviously talking - it was like being at school and being ganged up on!

OP posts:

Original poster

AliceRR · 26/08/2018 14:01

But I take on the comments and perhaps I should offer to buy a drink next time (not there - I will try to avoid ever going in there again) but I’m only 16 weeks pregnant so I’m sure there’ll be a time when I need to stop for the loo somewhere again.

I just wanted to get out of there once she’d identified herself

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:18

As I said Peng if needs must. Peng, it is not an entirely private property if public are allowed to enter. I never heard such as thing as buying something, if you use the toilet. Its a one off fgs such uptight people on this thread.

Leonard1 · 26/08/2018 14:34

If I go into a cafe or pub because I can’t wait I always ask first and offer to buy a drink or something. I had asked to use a toilet in a cafe the other day and they were lovely about it. It’s at a train station which has no facilities so I imagine they must get some traffic like this!

Pengggwn · 26/08/2018 15:30

Aeroflotgirl

The public can enter at the landlord's discretion, not as they like.

BlackStoneCherie · 26/08/2018 15:54

If I've needed to do this I ask first, and ask if there's a charge. If they say no - which they have usually done - I put some money in whatever charity collection tin they have on the counter.

PhilomenaButterfly · 26/08/2018 15:57

Alice but you do have a right to pee anywhere as you're pregnant!

prettygreywalls · 26/08/2018 16:06

For those saying it's ok to use mc Donald's as it's a big chain
Each individual McDonald's is franchised out and they are ran on franchise by an individual so whilst it may be part of a bigger thing it's one persons actual business

JacquesHammer · 26/08/2018 16:19

I run a local community scheme and through it got to know many small business owners. All the small cafes in the small market town have ended up putting code locks on their loos because of the sheer volume of people who use their loos and don’t buy anything.

Our pubic loos were closed by the council fairly recently which had had an effect obviously. The council suggested all local businesses offer their facilities but weren’t prepared to make a contribution to additional costs.

JacquesHammer · 26/08/2018 16:22

Pubic is probably the best typo ever

Applepudding2018 · 26/08/2018 16:32

I have a sensitive/ weak bladder and am always needing toilet when out. I would have asked at the house and would have also used the toilet in the pub. It sounds as if it was the sort of local pub where they don't get s lot of outsiders coming in, if every body was looking at you. It may even been that they weren't looking specifically at you, just that you felt uncomfortable. I think that people who make judgements of this being cheeky haven't been in the position that they either do this or pee themselves. And buying a drink would put you back in the same position 20 mins later!!

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