To think the working parent should also contribute to housework

[Bowejangles]

Just that really.

Young family of three, father works full time and mum looks after baby full time.

Father does zero housework whatsoever because he works, mum doesn't therefore thinks she can surely do it herself.

If she doesn't then it doesn't get done

What do you think?

Are you the mother?

On a bit of a loser here. My OH used that excuse for 40 years and now we are retired won't muck in because he does so much gardening. Somethings can't be changed no matter how hard you try

(Sorry for bluntness! Just wondered if this was about you or theoretical.)

The mother is my very frustrated best friend

Help yes. I do think the SAHP should take the lions share on though.

DP works crazy hours, but when he’s home he does as much as I do.

I couldn’t respect a partner who didn’t tbh.

This is the case in our house but with 2 kids. My partner doesn't use it as an excuse but that's just the way it works for us, because if he does something I end up having to do it again anyway 🙄 I do say something if he gets lazy and it won't get fixed until I do it, like leaving rubbish on the side or dishes in the living room or trainers on the floor in front of the shoe rack can tell we've had these conversations a few times

Of course everyone should contribute 50-50 to all household tasks during the time they aren’t at work. Working full time is loads easier than being at home raising dc (have done both). I say this even having had a 3 hour commute to the office. I still did my share of what needed doing at home. My dh is the same. I’m at home now (mat leave) and my dh left for work at 6am yesterday and didn’t walking back in the door until 7pm. But the first thing he did when he walked in the door was start the washing up. No one should be lazing around all the time while the other does everything.

DH thinks because he works then he shouldn't have to clean up but looking after a baby is hard work! I told him to clean and tidy something ANYTHING when he's home because it's not fair. I'm going back to work soon so he's going to have sort his shit out.
If your friends husband lives in the house, eats, sleeps, showers etc then he should clean&tidy it. It's his house too...

I do think both parents should contribute to the running of the household - they both live there at the end of the day.

I work full time in a busy, stressful job. My husband does some p/t , self employed work to fit around our son since he gave up working full time due to his previous job making him ill with stress.

We both do things in the house! There are days/times that he will do more - particularly if I am extra busy but I generally cook the evening meal and do our son's bedtime at the very least.

I highly doubt this last sits doing nothing all day with a baby so he should do something.

The mother is my very frustrated best friend
Thanks.

I think it depends on the child, actually. My DS slept like Rip van Winkle, and there was absolutely no reason I couldn't do most of the housework, or at least more than half. I was also fortunate that I would do night feeds, but DH would get up at about 5am and let me get a bit more sleep.

If you've got one that never sleeps, and you're spending your entire life shoving a pram outside in the desperate hope that the child will go to sleep, then getting up for night feeds on top, no, then the DH (presumably) should be getting a bit more stuck in.

I don't think it's one rule fits all.

It is up to her to tell him to do some. Alternatively she should disappear for a few hours every Saturday or Sunday about 10am and leave him with his 3 kids.

She has diagnosed PND and falls behind on housework when she's struggling, doesn't expect him to do half as much as she does but would appreciate him lightening the load a little

He’s a twat.

On the strength of that, it really wouldn't hurt for him to do a bit of lifting, would it? Do you think he doesn't really take PND seriously?

I'm not a SAHM but when I was on maternity leave, I would do housework when DS was napping, if I didn't need a nap. But, apart from that we shared the housework.

My point being , I guess, that being a SAHM is about looking after the baby, not about housework. The baby is priority but babies nap so there is time to do a little bit of housework.

When I was a SAHM briefly Dp would come home from work and help out. He would wash up and either put Dd to bed or tidy the toys etc. Now we both work so we both do the same after work. He needs to step up and help out.

If the father wears the clothes, eats the food, lies in the bed, uses the bathroom and creates mess/rubbish then he should be responsible for cleaning/washing doing dishes etc with a portion of his kids mess etc, yes he works but he’s also an adult and having a job doesn’t excuse him from life - which includes daily chores - if he lived alone he’d need to do it, does having a partner/wife mean she’s his maid all of a sudden?

It’s knackering doing everything, I have 4 kids, on my own and a job and a dog.
I do everything in the house purely because there is no one else to do it....otherwise I’d expect chores to be shared. Can’t tell you how depressing it is to cook dinner and wash and dry the dishes and clean up etc on your own. He is there so he either cooks and helps out or doesn’t eat. Looking after babies doesn’t usually leave loads of time for ALL the chores and there is the weekend where things still need to be done. Have a grown up chat with DH, oh how I’d love to just go to work and come home and do nothing and my food magically appears on my table and the fairies clean up and do dishes...but that is not life and that’s the life he thinks he has!!

She does the food shopping, all of the childcare, all of the cleaning and is expected to get him up for work every day because apparently he is hard of hearing where his alarm is concerned and if she didn't then he would miss work

Sorry she has just told me that he takes the bins out!

And bugger all else

Sorry she has just told me that he takes the bins out!

Fuck me. We really need to rebadge some more tasks as "Blue" ones.

She has to get him up for work every day as he sleeps through the alarm?

A cup of water over his head would solve this.

He needs to do more, it is both their home. However if they already have 3 kids then chances on this has been going on for a long time and shes let him get away with it for a long time.

Unfortunately hes probably become accustomed to it now and wont change.

She's a SAHM, not a housekeeper!!
Childcare can be a full-time job or more. Night feeds, bad sleeper, ill child etc...

Housework should be shared / done jointly imo. But she's let him get away with it for this long... Changing things now may be so difficult.

They have discussions which is basically her asking him to do more and him agreeing to that, he will have one 'helpful day' then back to normal where she's left to do it all