The usual rebuttal to this is "traditional set up" but as I've said recently on a few threads (it followed a similar conversation with mum) in "traditional" or as per mn speak "1950's" marriages the men DIDN'T do nothing! They did what were perceived to be the "men's jobs" -
managing the household admin and finances - all banking and bill paying inc making sure they were getting the best deal (which was more time consuming pre-Internet), making sure all insurances were paid and up to date.
putting bins out
house, car and garden maintenance - all the DIY jobs, from changing lightbulbs & fuses to building furniture from scratch, fitting new appliances, fixing appliances, growing veggies or properly maintaining a lawn and borders (not just occasional mowing in the summer), regular maintenance of house eg cleaning windows, guttering, redecorating regularly inc outside paintwork and plastering. Regular checks on car - tyres, oil changes, filters, battery maintenance, even keeping it fuelled would have been seen as the husband's job.
Caring for pets - walking the dog used to be seen as man's job especially late at night.
Back when people didn't really pay for others to do suck jobs there was a lot more men did!
"or picks up his stuff off the floor." I also made this point on another thread - none of my dad, ex's dad or either of my granda's (who'd be well into their 90's now) would ever have DREAMT of being as disrespectful as to not tidy up after their own arses! They put clothes, used dishes, tools, paperwork etc away when they were finished with them! Ie they acted like grown men not toddlers!
Now - many if not most women go back to work within a few years of having DC, also lots of men's jobs are less demanding than they were then - certainly physically. People talk about long hours now as if long hours weren't worked then, well of course they were. Working hours regulation is actually quite a recent development.
Personally I think being a sahp especially with pre-school DC or where there's additional factors like disabilities, is 24/7, 365 days a year. Whereas a wohp is of course not working outside the home those hours, they work I think the ave is 9 hour days. But within that day they get a lunch break. I've been a sahm, full time student mum and working mum BY FAR the easiest was working mum! Peace on the commute, lunch break and because we were out most of the day 5 days a week not much mess being made at home! So to my mind there's absolutely no good reason why the wohp shouldn't be doing 50% of the work needing done when they are at home.
Yes the sahp will likely be doing the bulk of the housework during the day, but the household management and what needs done outside of wohp's time at home should be equally divided.
I come from where my parents on this divided labour along traditional lines, as did ex's parents BUT both fathers pulled their weight when they were home. Neither cooked or but both were "handy" types so kept on top of all DIY, gardening and home maintenance, managed the household finances, did the dishes and hoovering (they saw this as a "heavy" job which puzzled me for a few years until as a teen I tried to use my grans ancient but still working Hoover which weighed a bloody ton! Then it made sense!), carried the groceries and other heavy items (both families didn't have cars until the DC were teens), helped DC with homework and things like learning to ride bikes, to swim, "practical" or more "physical" hobby stuff, so while mum's tended to do bath/bedtime dads did mornings (chasing teens up of a morning can be no easy feat!), breakfasts.
Ex was shockingly lazy which I didn't really learn until we were married unfortunately. I had to move a fair distance when we first married (he and our dads were army) so wasn't working initially (but was job hunting) and was happy to do the majority of the housework, but when I went back to work he tried to carry on doing sod all! Had a big chat huge argument about that which then resolved things. Part of it was also down to he'd never run a home before (he'd gone from parents home straight to barracks so just one small room to maintain and no bills to organise as rent & mess fees deducted from wage), whereas I'd been living alone in a one bed flat several years at this point. So there was a learning curve too.
When we had dd though on this score he was ok. He took a couple weeks annual leave (no paternity then) and did a lot while off, then when he went back to work obviously I was keeping things going during day but when he got in of an evening he'd bath and change dd while I made dinner, then we'd eat, he'd do dishes and put a laundry on and clean kitchen, do any other jobs I asked him to, depending how day had gone. I bf dd until she was 9 months (milk dried, he'd fetch me a drink or muslin if needed while feeding, wind her, he was actually really good with her when she went through a colicky phase. Certainly didn't object to doing night wakings and then when she was bottle fed we roughly split the night feedings. He got 2 days off a week (not always weekends) so we'd take it in turns to have a "lie in" those days although when she was still bf I didn't always get a very long one if she needed fed (once I'm awake that's it!).
I remember he had a friend/colleague around this time who was a right dick! His wife had their first baby about 6 months after us and he wouldn't do night stuff, early mornings, any housework or childcare. She was dying on her knees! He made the mistake at someone else's leaving do of calling ex and others who did pull their weight 'mugs' - in addition to pissing them off it meant they knew how little he was doing. Their boss pulled him in for a "chat" the following day. It's a peculiarity of army I think that bosses can comment on how you're running your home life. No idea what the boss said, but he went home that day, apologised to his wife and started being better at home.
I'll get flamed for saying this but I'd say something to him! She's not only got a lot on her plate, she's ill too! Yes mostly people should stay out of other people's relationships but SOMETIMES especially when a person is not in a position to stand up for themselves I think there's an argument for others standing up for them!
Another thing none of my, my ex's (has caused serious arguments between them), father nor my granda's would have even DREAMT of doing is not supporting their child financially. Yet far too many men I'd say aged 50's and below think this is a hugely unfair demand on them.
It's good the stigma of being a single mum has all but gone (socially - politically is another matter) but unfortunately it's meant men are seemingly no longer expected to be decent fathers. For my and my ex's fathers generation and older they would have been seen as irresponsible failures if they hadn't provided for their DC - at that time including not marrying the mother of course (I'm a 'shotgun' baby - while other thread). Not saying we should go back to you have to get married if woman gets pregnant, but I do think we've gone too far in letting men abdicate responsibility for the children they are half responsible for creating!
In her shoes I'd be waking him up with ice cubes on his dick, and telling him to stop being such a lazy arse! No wonder she's got pnd! She's basically got an extra child not a life partner!
Unfortunately I think the bar for acceptable behaviour in men in MANY ways is WOEFULLY low at the moment - even lower than when supposedly they were doing less.