Would this be a reason to leave?

[Ladymillion28]

Hello, I think I know the answer to what I'm about to say and maybe I actually just need somewhere to vent. Basically I have a kitten (he's about 6 months old) and DH hates him, to the point he'll say it many times a day. He's very playful but also so loving and affectionate and just wants attention which I will happily give to him. Tonight he scratched DH feet as he walked past him which resulted in telling the cat to f*ck off and saying to me that it's getting to the point that he's going to end up kicking him because he makes him so angry! He's always shouting at him and then having a go at me because he hates the cat so much. I know it might sound dramatic but if he was to hurt my cat I don't think I could stay with him! He's loving to me and never been physical towards me or anyone but my cat makes him so angry and I just know what to do about it? I feel so angry and disappointed with him.

Massive red flag - ditch the man and keep the cat

Have you had DH or the kitten longer?

I am not an animal lover particularly, but I don’t think I’d stay with someone who was unkind to animals. I suppose you need to decide how serious he is about these threats. You don’t need to wait for something to happen.

I've had DH for longer, coming up 8 years now and I've never seen this side of him before but it's awful. When the cat is near him I'm on edge thinking please don't upset him.

Do you live together & did you discuss getting a cat?

Even if not, I wouldn't put up with that as I love cats. Just so you know children are more annoying than cats.

Leave him. Cruelty to animals is a big indicator of character.

Why does he hate kitty so much, is he jealous that rhst you spend more time with cat than him. I'd ditch him and keep the cat, it sounds very ott. I wouldn't trust him to be alone with the cat, poor kitty will probably cower away from him.

Did he want a kitten?

Yeah we live together, I've wanted a cat for a long time as I grew up on a farm so had lots of cats and animals. He always said no but then finally agreed as long as I took care of him. If he hurt him I could never forgive him but he's constantly shouting at him.

Why does discussing getting it matter? If I brought home any animal dp would help me look after it and be kind to it.

I'd be concerned about leaving him alone with the cat too.

Did you decide together to get a kitten? Can you tell him how on edge it's making you feel or do you think he would react badly?

I absolutely hate cats (sorry) nobody could pay me enough money to have one and would genuinely refuse to live with one. My DH knows this and would never get one knowing my feelings so I kind of see why your DH is annoyed that he now has to live with one.

However, I don't agree to him being cruel to the cat, but my DH would always win over a cat

Sorry this seems rambly, I'm tired!

I ALWAYS judge a man on how he treats an animal, tell him to love your cat or fuck off.

I've tried telling him how much he puts me on edge and upsets me but he just turns around and says well I didn't even want him. I've just seen a totally different side to him since getting the kitten and it's not a side I like, it scares me and I don't want to feel like that. It's ridiculous because he's more than happy to let him sleep on him and cuddle up near him but as soon as he's hyper and wants to play wow he goes mad and starts shouting and swearing.

Hmm while it's a strange reaction to have towards a cat, it seems like he's made it pretty clear that he never wanted a cat and you pleased until he gave in and now you're surprised that he's not happy ? He now has to share his living space with something he never wanted.

I love cats but I can see how they're pretty annoying if you don't like them.

@bigtimer really helpful, thanks 👏🏻

Is the cat constantly attacking DH, even in a playful way? Are you standing there saying how cute it is, when DH is mopping up the blood from yet another cat bite? Assuming that the cat isn't disemboweling him five times a day while you stand by, I stand by my earlier comment about it being a red flag. I'm just trying to work out why a previously nice bloke would change like this though.

Ah cross post. Well if he's constantly shouting at him then it sounds pretty miserable, do you have anywhere to go or do you think he would leave? I know you said he is loving to you and never physically harmful but he's behaving that way towards a little dependant kitten and in turn putting you on edge and probably making you tread on eggshells.

You're seeing an ugly side of him, OP, that you've not seen before.

And yes it would be enough for me to leave.

How someone treats a helpless animal is a huge mark of character.

Do you have children?
If he shouts and threatens an animal then I would bet that he'd behave in a similar way with children, especially when they are young.

I firmly believe that how people treat and react to animals is an indication of their inner self. I'm ok with someone not like animals but not with maltreatment and shouting counts as maltreatment.

You know that quote attributed to Maya Angelou - 'When a person shows you who they are, believe them'?

I am an enormous animal lover and my DP, in spite of not having had any pets as a child, embraced my 'furry family' when we met, and we currently have three house cats and a horse that he dotes on. In fact, he's decided he wants a donkey. [winks]

I couldn't stay with anybody who threatened an animal/child/vulnerable person, even if it was 'lighthearted'. It would reveal a darker part of their character that I wouldn't be comfortable with.

Cruelty towards animals is a big red flag. When women’s aid worker did a risk assessment regarding my relationship with my now ex partner and that was one of the questions.

I’d struggle to deal with anyone shouting at a helpless animal tbh.

He shouldn’t hurt the kitten, obviously. However, I have had several kittens and they are incredibly irritating until they ‘grow up’. I shout at mine a bit too, and call them names. I’ve never hurt one, but I have sometimes regretted having them until I’ve got through the kitten phase.

I wonder why he agreed to getting one if he didn't really want to? He could be awful or like a PP said he might just be pissed off he has a cat he repeatedly said he didn't want. You know him best OP.