Would this be a reason to leave?

[Ladymillion28]

Hello, I think I know the answer to what I'm about to say and maybe I actually just need somewhere to vent. Basically I have a kitten (he's about 6 months old) and DH hates him, to the point he'll say it many times a day. He's very playful but also so loving and affectionate and just wants attention which I will happily give to him. Tonight he scratched DH feet as he walked past him which resulted in telling the cat to f*ck off and saying to me that it's getting to the point that he's going to end up kicking him because he makes him so angry! He's always shouting at him and then having a go at me because he hates the cat so much. I know it might sound dramatic but if he was to hurt my cat I don't think I could stay with him! He's loving to me and never been physical towards me or anyone but my cat makes him so angry and I just know what to do about it? I feel so angry and disappointed with him.

That would be a reason to leave for me, yes.

@Teaandcrisps Fri 24-Aug-18 04:37:33
So OH didn't want the cat - you did. You got a cat anyway and now your thinking of leaving your OH of 8-yrs because of the cat. hmm

Its not about him not wanting the cat, its about the way he's treating it - and making OP feel/be scared.

Because of that, I'd leave.

I think the way a person treats an animal says a lot about their true character. How can an innocent, loving baby animal make someone so angry? Poor kitten being shouted at all the time

I'm upstairs putting baby down for a nap and I can hear him shouting at the cat 😔 for everyone saying he clearly hates cats.. he's never said before he hates cats, this anger towards the cat has come from nowhere! If I'd of known he'd behave like this I would've never got a cat.

My point mainly is I want a compassionate partner that's caring which he was until lately, how can a person change so much just because of a playful kitten? I just feel differently towards him after seeing this side.

When my DH was a child, his parents had a rocky relationship but a stable one. They got a puppy and his dad acted towards the puppy in the same way you DH is to the kitten. Completely out of character, showed irrational anger etc and he started to smack the puppy and direct the anger towards the kids and DH’s mum.

By the time the puppy was a dog, he was being kicked and the family were terrified of him. One day in the middle of an argument, he turned round and lamped his wife.

She stayed and completely traumatised DH and his brother.

OP, you’re uncomfortable enough in your relationship you’ve started an online poll about it. He’s telling you who he really is; listen to him - if not for yourself and the cat but for your child.

My ex moved his dog into my house (didn't move himself in even!), and I don't like dogs, would never have one in the house. The dog wrecked the house and I 'hated' the animal. But I never shouted at it, would never have hurt it, and when the ex would attack it I would jump in between them. He shouted at his dog all the time too - and he apparently 'loved it'.

There are lots of people getting the wrong end of the stick on this post and making it about some form of lack of communication. Whenever you are explaining normal, decent behaviour to an adult person, you are onto a loser, because THEY ALREADY KNOW how to behave, they are choosing not to. People who are capable of being abusive to an animal are capable of being abusive to a child or other human.

In addition, this man is putting the OP in a double-bind of 'I hate the cat' 'no, don't get rid of it'. Whatever she does will be wrong.

I strongly suspect this is the tip of the iceberg, and there's been subtle emotional abuse going on for a very long time. Abuse always escalates, and this is the first OP has noticed. It will not be the last.

Yes, OP, leave.

My DH said please don't get a dog, I don't want a dog. I got one anyway, he is not keen, would sooner not have her around. But every morning he walks up to her strokes her and says, morning, if it is cold at work he covers her up to keep her warm. She loves him a lot he cares deeply about her welfare because he is a compassionate man, not because he loves dogs, he doesn't, he is just a nice bloke who would never see an animal upset or distressssed. Your DH is a horrible man and this would be a massive red flag for me. If you are not going to leave him, you are putting your self and your child as well as the cat at risk of harm. What will he do when his toddler starts pissing him off?

I've just been downstairs to see him and he straight away started complaining about the cat so I said calmly 'look what do you want to do about the cat, he's making you unhappy and you're making me uncomfortable with how you treat him so so you want me to look for another home' he didn't even acknowledge that I'd offered to rehome the cat just that he makes me feel uncomfortable which he was definitely not happy about. He's stormed out now, I can't do right for doing wrong.

Honestly, yes, I would leave over this. I couldn’t be with anyone who threatened to kick an animal and was aggressive toward it. I love animals and one of my criteria when finding someone was that they had to as well, otherwise one of you is never happy on the having pets/not having them argument.

However, for me it would just be the constant shouting and anger that would have put me off the most. It isn’t quite the same, but I would be thinking long term and wondering if he would be patient with a child when they are scratching and biting as some sometimes do.

You want a considerate caring partner. Instead you have one that abuses am animal. Scares you (and if your scared your baby probably is too) and who storms off instead of talking about problems with you or trying to find a solution.
Yes, this is a reason to leave - you don't really need a reason though. A simple 'we're not making each other happy ' is reason enough.

YEah, it's not really a case of leaving someone because of a cat. It's a case of seeing a side to him you didn't know was there, that you don't like, and that unnerves you. And storming out because you've said "Your temper is making me uncomfortable" is a red flag imo.

The cat is the (so sorry, pun not intended) catalyst for bringing out this needy and aggressive side to someone you thought you knew. He is not the person you thought he was. That in itself is enough to consider leaving.

It might not be the kitten he hates but what it represents, something small and dependent who you care for, he might feel left out. He shares photos of kitten cuddling him because he craves attention and love from the cat and from you. If you do stay with him please rehome the poor kitten, it deserves a loving family. He stormed off because he won't take the responsibility of rehoming the kitten, he doesn't want to be blamed for anything.

Do you think he feels he's been displaced by the baby so he's taking it out on the kitten?

Your relationship was perfectly fine prior to the cat, as you’ve said yourself, normal relationship with normal ups and downs and you’ve been together nearly 8 years, this is the first time you’ve seen this behaviour from him and no other red flags of any sort. Normality would possibly be restored if the cat was re-homed.

I don’t think he will acknowledge your suggestion of rehoming the cat because that puts the onus on him if he agrees to it and also he knew that you always wanted cats. He won’t want the responsibility of that decision on his conscience.

He is obviously fine with the cat when it’s being more docile ie...it’s asleep on his chest or legs but the problem you face is the fact that you still have quite a few years of the cat still being playful. This means that if you keep the cat you will have to put up with his behaviour in the mean time, your child will grow up seeing this behaviour and think it’s normal and the poor cat will continue to bear the brunt of his outbursts for its naturally playful behaviour.

I would choose to re-home the cat for its own welfare but unfortunately for you, your opinion of your partner is now tainted and that poses the more serious question of whether this could see the demise of your relationship in general whether the cat stays or goes.

He's showing you who he is. What will happen when your baby becomes a clingy, playful toddler who won't leave him alone?!

Exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn't trust him round the kitten or the baby.

Abuse starts with animals. If he's like this with the cat imagine what he'd be like with kids.

A kitten and a baby is a lot for you to take on at once. He should be helping out to acting like a nasty childish bully!

If you are going to stay with him the poor little kitty should be re homed. Do it soon as the older it gets the harder it will be to find a new home.

he did cheat on me right at the very start of the relationship but apart from that I can't complain

Sounds like a charmer.

What's he going to do when the baby starts running around and getting under his feet?!

Who's idea was it to get pregnant?

I couldn't be in a relationship with a cat hater...but that's just me.

If you're asking if this is a reason to leave I'm guessing you've got bigger concerns than just the cat.

How old is your baby as I think he is perhaps taking out on the cat for how he feels about having to share you with the baby.

@stillnotTheDoctor has a point!

He's a nasty bastard. I'd be terrified to leave the poor kitty alone with him

Big red flag. Animal abusers can go onto hurt people.
His anger is out of proportion for a kitten s silly antics. We adopted our cat at 7 months old and quickly learnt not to walk around barefoot. They're mad at that age. She's 17 months now and still obsessed with feet.
Kittens are just babies. Doesn't he know kitty isn't deliberately doing it to piss him off?
I d think about leaving tbh