Would this be a reason to leave?

[Ladymillion28]

Hello, I think I know the answer to what I'm about to say and maybe I actually just need somewhere to vent. Basically I have a kitten (he's about 6 months old) and DH hates him, to the point he'll say it many times a day. He's very playful but also so loving and affectionate and just wants attention which I will happily give to him. Tonight he scratched DH feet as he walked past him which resulted in telling the cat to f*ck off and saying to me that it's getting to the point that he's going to end up kicking him because he makes him so angry! He's always shouting at him and then having a go at me because he hates the cat so much. I know it might sound dramatic but if he was to hurt my cat I don't think I could stay with him! He's loving to me and never been physical towards me or anyone but my cat makes him so angry and I just know what to do about it? I feel so angry and disappointed with him.

Get rid of the cat. Sounds like you guilted him into it and he was trying to appease you.

A big red flag.

This just shows his true nature. And if a little kitten can bring out such aggression...

I don't know where you've got that I guilted him into getting a cat? He's known from the very start of our relationship that I'm an animal lover and that I would want a cat once we were settled in a home together. I never forced him, he's not the sort of person to be forced. What I'm most concerned about is this anger streak in him, I've never seen anything like it. The kitten never draws blood from him just tries to get his feet and play with him but even then to get so angry over a baby animal!? I just don't know what to do, years ago I would've never put up with this but now I just sit back and let him scream and shout at the cat.

My Dad always told me you should never bring a pet into an unstable household because who is the first to get the blame? The dog or the cat.

Ditch him and keep your cat.

Keep the cat, ditch the man! No brainer.

100% I'd leave my DH if he ever indicated a proclivity toward being violent to animals.

Whether or not your DH wanted the cat is entirely irrelevant to your question. You're not asking if it was unreasonable to get the cat, the point is your husband, a big, strong, capable human male thinks it would be acceptable to act out his dislike of your cat by physically hurting it. Some people will no doubt say he hasn't actually done anything or it's just an expression, but what he is doing is laying groundwork for the inevitable day when your cat does annoy him/scratch him/trip him up and he will boot the poor thing. He will then be able to lay the blame at your feet, on the basis that he warned you and you didn't get rid of it.

Nothing would make me lose all feelings of love and respect for a man faster than the threat of violence against a creature that cannot defend itself.

He has options. He could ignore it. He could make an effort to bond with it and engage with it. He could have a rational discussion with you and explain that it really isn't something he can compromise on and ask that you both take time to find a safe, secure and loving home for the animal. He hasn't done any of those things though has he?

If he really dislikes the cat this much, I can guarantee he will kick it. Sooner or later, probably when you're not there.

What do you mean you just sit back and let him shout at the cat, why, the cat must only weigh a few ounces poor little thing, he has a temper and I'd look at him in a completely different light if he's got such a short fuse over something so small.

Research shows that being cruel to the family pet is an indicator that the person is capable if serious domestic abuse. Maybe time to find out more about his background but I agree. He's a nob and his behaviour is abusive.

now I just sit back and let him scream and shout at the cat.

YABVVVU.

@Candlerow2018 everything you've said it's absolutely spot on. I could agree with you more! If this was any of my friends I'd be saying leave, how can he be so aggressive towards a defenceless animal. The blame always lays at my feet but when I called his bluff and suggested we get rid of the cat last week he said it wouldn't be necessary he just wants me to make him calm down (I'm not sure how I go about this) my point is the anger I've seen from him is shocking and then after he's had an outburst at the cat he asks me over and over again if I love him!? We have a child and he often shouts at the cat in front of him, he's only a baby at the minute but I really don't want him growing up thinking that's how we treat animals/people that may annoy us.

I sit back and let him because I'm scared of his reaction towards me or it sparks a huge argument, not because I enjoy him shouting at the cat or I agree with it!!! I hate it but he doesn't listen to me or just turns it on me.

You are scared of his reaction so you let him scream and shout at a tiny animal in front of your child then he behaves like a baby himself asking you if you love him. He sounds very immature, insecure and not someone I'd like to be around.

He sounds like a prick and your home is not safe for that cat while he’s in it. Agree with the poster that said he is likely to behave that way with children too, and they are a lot more annoying than kittens.

I wouldn’t trust anyone that is horrid to animals or says they hate them.

Are you married to my exh?
One night I went to my bff party, dh went home early for babysitter to go, dcat didn't ever come home.

Why does discussing getting it matter?

Because if they discussed it and he said ‘fine’, this is a bizarre turnaround. If they discussed it and he gave in after endless pressure, you can see why he’s annoyed, even if he is going way OTT. If he just came home and found it there one day, it seems like six of one and half a dozen of the other.

By the way, before anyone asks, I’m not saying any of those scenarios make it okay to threaten to kick a kitten.

I once had a boyfriend like that, it escalated to hurting me. Don't ever trust someone who could hurt animals.

I agree with Thistle Amore
When someone shows you who they are believe them
You’ve never seen this side to him before.
He can’t control the kitten
Don’t wait until he can’t control you or your child
Think very seriously about your future.
I don’t even like cats and I would not put up with this anger

However, I don't agree to him being cruel to the cat, but my DH would always win over a cat

Like you, I fucking hate cats. Luckily, I’m highly allergic to them so none will ever darken my door.

However, someone who swears at a tiny, defenceless animal and threatens to harm it is probably not someone I could see myself with long-term either.

You're scared of him shouting at the little kitten, worrying that it will get hurt, you're scared of saying anything in case he turns his anger on you. This is no way to live, even more so with a little child in the mix. He sounds absolutely vile. Get away from him. Imagine how you'd feel if he did hurt the cat and you'd had the chance to get it away previously but hadn't..

I went to post a response initially but before I posted it I’ve now read that you’ve said there is a baby in the house.

Either way his behaviour isn’t acceptable, but more so now because it’s worrying that he can’t control his anger in front of the baby.

Also you now indicate that if you say something when he is midst ‘cat rage’ that he seems to turn it on you and you’re too scared of his reaction towards you.

How is your relationship in general @Ladymillion28 as I’m now seeing more red flags than I was initially?!

The fact he asks u if u love him straight after being horrible to the cat indicates to me he is either jealous of the attention you give the kitten or knows what he is doing is wrong but is checking you still validate his love and by that I mean his behaviour when he is being mean to a playful kitten. Either way, you’ve got a big problem on your hands and it’s not the kitten

He sound like a total shit. Poor little kitten. This will just get worse - the poor kitten will be terrified and may eventually run.

You have two choices - rehire kitten or rehome husband. I would kick out the husband. Imagine if you had kids! They do a lot worse than occasionally scratch your feet!,

Up until now we've had a lovely relationship most of the time, obviously we've had our arguments and he did cheat on me right at the very start of the relationship but apart from that I can't complain. Until now, he's so different when he's angry, it's like I don't even know him! He keeps trying to hold my hand now and telling me he loves me but we've barely actually spoken since his last outburst.

If my husband brought a cat into the house, I would leave too. I really dislike cats

might be best for you and your cat to leave.

Don't ever trust someone who could hurt animals

You have been with him 8 years, do you actually think he would really hurt the cat? If this is totally out of the blue then maybe have a chat with him and see if his comments are anything more than hot air.. I would never choose a pet over my DH but it's hard to know because my DH wouldn't feel like your DH if we had a cat. Only you know whether this is a serious red flag.

I don't want a pet and wouldn't be impressed if my DH brought one into my home but I suppose I wouldn't agree with it so he must be regretting that decision.