Would this be a reason to leave?

[Ladymillion28]

Hello, I think I know the answer to what I'm about to say and maybe I actually just need somewhere to vent. Basically I have a kitten (he's about 6 months old) and DH hates him, to the point he'll say it many times a day. He's very playful but also so loving and affectionate and just wants attention which I will happily give to him. Tonight he scratched DH feet as he walked past him which resulted in telling the cat to f*ck off and saying to me that it's getting to the point that he's going to end up kicking him because he makes him so angry! He's always shouting at him and then having a go at me because he hates the cat so much. I know it might sound dramatic but if he was to hurt my cat I don't think I could stay with him! He's loving to me and never been physical towards me or anyone but my cat makes him so angry and I just know what to do about it? I feel so angry and disappointed with him.

Oh god I have just read you have a baby!! Mellowmelly is spot on. This man has problems. It’s ok to dislike cats - not okay to hurt them

LTB seriously. I’m not a fan of certain types of dogs, but never in a million years could I be horrible to one. I would be worried he might do something to the kitten when you’re not there.

The odd thing is that sometimes when I'm out he will send me pictures of the cat fast asleep on his legs or his chest so I think we've turned a corner then as soon as he's hyper he's shouting and swearing at him and having a go at me about it!

Sorry but he sounds like a Dickhead.

What is he like when the baby cries or won’t go to sleep?

Is there a chance for the kitten to stay with a friend temporarily while you get sorted OP? If you stay, the cat has to go for its own safety. If you leave, he will blame the cat and take his anger at the situation out on it. Either scenario, I feel very worried for its welfare.

There is a difference between hurting the cat and venting that he wants to, he may feel his concerns aren’t being heard and the cat is making him miserable in his own home. Some men are rubbish at saying what they think and this may be his way out, he may well have no intention of actually hurting it. Give him a water pistol, it won’t hurt the 🐈 but it will learn to keep away from him and you may be able to coexist.

@Ladymillion28 Have you told your DH how you feel about his behaviour towards the cat? Told him that his angry outbursts frighten you so much you feel you can't say anything? That you think he ought one day hurt the cat?

It's ok not to be keen on pets, it's even ok to live in a house with an animal which you don't love, but it's never, ever ok to hurt a defenceless animal.

How would he react if you told him you find his reactions frightening and that you worry it's either you or your DC next?

Clearly missed a post, as ShawshanksRedemption is asking the same thing.

years ago I would've never put up with this but now I just sit back and let him scream and shout at the cat.

What has happened to make you passively let him keep doing this? Are you afraid of him?

The fact he keeps asking if you love him after he has been vile to the cat demonstrates that a) he knows he is behaving badly, and b) he is jealous of the cat. Is he also jealous of your child?

When he asks if you love him, have you ever said anything like: 'yes, but I won't do for much longer if you keep on behaving like this'?

Have you asked him what on earth he thinks he is doing, and told him in no uncertain terms to pack it in?

The truth is he didn't want a cat but you kept pushing it till he caved.

I like cats...but not everyone does. Some people hate them.

Maybe it's time to let the cat go.

I wouldn't stay with him but to play the devil's advocate he clearly really hates cats. I feel the same way about spiders. If my DH pestered me about getting a pet tarantula there might be a chance I would cave in in a moment if weakness but you bet your ass I would be shouting at the bloody thing. If it came up to my legs I would definitely, without a shadow of a doubt kick it off. Maybe he is that way about cats?

I've wanted a cat for a long time as I grew up on a farm so had lots of cats and animals. He always said no but then finally agreed

This isn't something he wanted. ..that's quite clear from your post.

Is the cat allowed outside yet/will it be allowed outside? We have two and they we allowed them to go out at about 7 months at which point they calmed down quite a bit, also more noticeably once they were about a year old so your kitty won’t be manic forever. Appreciate this doesn’t help your current situation but it won’t last too much longer and yes he is behaving like a twat!

I have 2 cats, neither of which my DH actually wanted. But I'm a vet, and I hand reared them, my argument always was that he knew what he was getting into!

He loves one of the cats (who is such a sweet cat I would defy anyone not to), but dcat2 has issues and pees around the house if I'm not meticulous in his routine. DH hates dcat2, but he knows the score. He would never hurt him, although we have had many rows about him!

Stick up for your kitten! Cruelty to any animal of mine (and I have lots! ) would be a deal breaker.

Frightening when we see how they treat the helpless, whether they are kittens or babies.
Time to call the relationship done and dusted.

Make a new rule. No shouters.

I wouldn't be able to love someone who was mean to a tiny animal. Especially if their anger worried or frightened me.

My step dad growing up was an asshole, not that anyone ever listened to me (including my mum). He hated my kitten. One day I came home and he'd drowned it. I knew he was a dick.

Big red flag but standard behaviour from a kitten that age.. puss.will calm down a few months. Grown arse man not so.much..

Please rehome the kitten before we have to read about another animal abuse case in the paper.

If you’re now just allowing him to scream at it and leaving him alone with the kitten, please just rehome the poor thing if you’re planning on staying with this man.

So OH didn't want the cat - you did. You got a cat anyway and now your thinking of leaving your OH of 8-yrs because of the cat.

No wonder OH feels insecure and resentful of the darn animal! You haven't given a fly about his not wanting a cat in the 1st place,he clearly doesn't like having cats around but has no choice.

That would drive me nuts if I was treated to that in my own home!

Have you given OH any real options/choice?

but has no choice.

He has a choice to not scream at it though. You don’t throw a tantrum or scream at defenseless beings just because you don’t get your own way.

He’s probably given it a kick behind OPs back too.

The kitten will grow out of this phase of excessive hyper ness get the cat a play gym for the evenings or when it's more hyper.

Your oh seems he doesn't like animals as much as you and that's ok, what's not ok is his anger towards the tiny thing.
I mean yeah I ain't a cat lover and would be annoyed or on edge if it kept swiping for me but I'd never hurt the animal as it's clear it just wants to play.

I wouldn't be leaving my partner over a cat though that's a bit extreme

I'm not a cat person but I could never be with someone who was aggressive towards any animal.What if you had a child and the child started pestering and getting on his nerves? Would he be threatening to kick him/her too?