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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Attitudes towards teetotalers

118 replies

enbh · 22/08/2018 21:39

As the title suggests I am teetotal. I haven't drank alcohol for almost 4 years. Yet I still get hassle almost every time I go out to a social occasion for not drinking. I have no problems with other people drinking btw, but myself and my husband don't drink.

AIBU to get a little sick of all 'only one won't hurt' and 'oh go on!'

I cannot reiterate enough that I have no judgement at all as to what others do, I drank alcohol myself for many years, I just want people to respect my decisions too.

Whenever I tell people I don't drink they look at me like I've lost my mind!! Is it really that weird?

OP posts:
MyPatronusIsABadger · 22/08/2018 21:46

They are weird. I don’t drink alcohol either. I did when I was younger (only to get drunk) but I met DH became happier and realised I didn’t like the taste of any of it. It just doesn’t appeal to me.

However people don’t try to pressure me. That’s not on.

ShowOfHands · 22/08/2018 21:50

How old are you? In my teens and twenties, people would pester, comment, cajole, sneer and even on two occasions, spike my drink.

Now I'm in my thirties and nobody cares. In fact, a lot of friends have become teetotal too.

Want2beme · 22/08/2018 21:55

I never get hassled for not drinking. If anyone did, I'd just tell them to get over itGrin

HolyPieter · 22/08/2018 21:57

I've always found non-drinkers to be sanctimonious bores who always deflate the atmosphere.

longwayoff · 22/08/2018 21:59

Ask for a spritzer stick it on the table in front of you or wander about clutching it, whichever appropriate. No thanks, still got this one to any queries. Leave behind end of evening. Been doing this for about 30 years.

cherry2727 · 22/08/2018 21:59

I've always found non-drinkers to be sanctimonious bores who always deflate the atmosphere.

Hmmperhaps you're too drunk to notice that's it's actually you who's the bore and your liver is what keeps getting deflated !

lowtide · 22/08/2018 22:00

I don’t know anyone who would pressure a friend. I would suggest their not your friends

ionising · 22/08/2018 22:02

My friend doesn’t drink. He is the life and soul.

I think that’s the reason he doesn’t drink as he goes insane. He is still partying in the club until 3am.

VladmirsPoutine · 22/08/2018 22:02

This is a very prevalent attitude. People almost instantly treat you with suspicion and many times with sheer contempt. I do like a drink but that's my decision.

I think the key is to just be so confident and assertive in your decision that you don't get drawn into 'defending' or 'explaining' yourself. "Nope, not for me." And that's it. Don't jolly them along unless of course they are drunk in which case you have the full right to tell them that perhaps they might want to take a leaf out of your book as they look and sound like a prat.

Childrenofthesun · 22/08/2018 22:03

Yes, this happens a lot I've noticed. Can't see why other people would care. I sometimes drink, sometimes don't, depending on how I feel. I live in the sticks and often prefer to take my car out so I can get back whenever I like. I wouldn't say I was "sanctimonious and boring", nor do I make any comments about those who are drinking, but there are always some who treat you as if it's a personal slight that you are not drinking. I usually assume that these are people that are not totally comfortable with their own relationship with alcohol.

SemperIdem · 22/08/2018 22:03

People who are bothered by it are boring tossers. I love a glass of wine or two, someone being teetotal makes no difference to my enjoyment.

Indeed, if I ever start getting a “vibe” off a teetotaller, it is usually an indication I have had enough to drink and am becoming boring as fuck to talk to.

I find them a handy sort of person to have around on a night out as a result Wink

3girlmama · 22/08/2018 22:04

I don't drink
I did at uni but only to feel included...sad but true!
I've never liked the taste tbh.

BlueBug45 · 22/08/2018 22:05

When I was teen all the teetotallers I knew were teetotal because they were recovering alcoholics. Since then I know people who are teetotal as they have family members who are alcoholics, religion (a variety of religions/denominations are teetotal) or they simply don't like the taste of alcohol.

Due to the first group I'm wary of anyone who tries to pressure others into drinking, so OP I don't feel you are weird.

MrsSteptoe · 22/08/2018 22:06

I've always found non-drinkers to be sanctimonious bores who always deflate the atmosphere.
By any chance, HolyPieter, are you one of those people the OP is describing who won't stop badgering people to have a drink?

Original poster
enbh · 22/08/2018 22:09

@Holy nice! Thing is, I'm not a sanctimonious bore! I'm happy on a night out not drinking and I only tell people I don't drink when they offer to pour me a glass of wine or buy me a drink.

Generally people I know well don't hassle me, but I was at a wedding at the weekend and I had so many comments about 'letting my hair down'! It was like I can't enjoy things without being pissed!

OP posts:
musicposy · 22/08/2018 22:11

I used to get this a lot if I didn't drink, but in the last 18 months have been completely teetotal. This is not really by choice but for medical reasons (pancreatitis, not caused by alcohol, but I've been told by my pancreatic specialist never to touch a drop of alcohol again).

Weirdly, since I've told people I can't drink because I was very ill, and acted as though I'm desperate to drink but can't, I don't get any hassle at all. Most of the time I don't actually miss it much, apart from the odd occasion such as Christmas. However, it seems more socially acceptable to tell everyone I really hate not being able to drink. Attitudes are weird.

Maybe invent a medical reason. I'm sure there are many!

Rockandrollwithit · 22/08/2018 22:12

I don't drink. I've never really enjoyed it. No issues with anyone who does, I really don't care either way.

I rarely experience anyone pressuring me to drink. And no, I don't think you need to have a drink to avoid being a 'sanctimonious bore'.

ashtrayheart · 22/08/2018 22:18

I haven't drunk for 15 months and won't ever again (alcoholism). There's a lot of weird attitudes to alcohol and enjoyment - like people can't possibly be having a good time if they're sober.
Now I don't drink I realise how boring very drunk people are Wink

SneakyGremlins · 22/08/2018 22:21

I don't get invited out anymore. I don't drink and I can't drive so people don't see me as worth inviting out Sad

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 22/08/2018 22:22

Yes a lot of people are very alcohol-centric. I’m v ‘take it or leave it’ but more and more ‘leave it’ mainly due to the cost! Going out for a meal with no drinking = cost of meal. Going out for meal with drinking = cost of meal, drink & taxis.

Do people ask you if you’re pregnant? I’ve had that before! As if that’s the only reason you wouldn’t!

ShadyLady53 · 22/08/2018 22:22

I’m pretty much teetotal and have a terrible time from people when I’m not drinking. Sadly I also grew up around alcoholics and family members with drug dependency and watched them battle with sobriety. It makes me admire them so much when I see how much pressure I get from idiots who can’t comprehend why anyone would be fine without not drinking and who try and force alcohol on you. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be an addict and have to repeatedly turn alcohol down every time you go out socially.

ShadyLady53 · 22/08/2018 22:24

Don’t know where that random without came from! Even autocorrect hates teetotallers 😂

Original poster
enbh · 22/08/2018 22:24

@musicposy that's so true! Mine actually did start off as a medical reason (kidney problems - not alcohol related) but I've been able to drink for a few years now but find I don't miss the hangovers or the amount of money I used to spend! I just don't fancy it anymore!

OP posts:
notsohippychick · 22/08/2018 22:25

I find that some people who maybe drink a little too much, or are uncomfortable about their own drinking habits are the ones who pressure and urge teetotallers to drink.

It kind of holds a mirror to their own drinking, and they feel better if other people are drinking around them. This has certainly been my experience anyway.

notsohippychick · 22/08/2018 22:26

ash well done! Amazing achievement! Xxxx

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