Attitudes towards teetotalers

[enbh]

As the title suggests I am teetotal. I haven't drank alcohol for almost 4 years. Yet I still get hassle almost every time I go out to a social occasion for not drinking. I have no problems with other people drinking btw, but myself and my husband don't drink.

AIBU to get a little sick of all 'only one won't hurt' and 'oh go on!'

I cannot reiterate enough that I have no judgement at all as to what others do, I drank alcohol myself for many years, I just want people to respect my decisions too.

Whenever I tell people I don't drink they look at me like I've lost my mind!! Is it really that weird?

I’m not teetotal but due to a chronic illness will drink one or two - I still get people pestering, making comments, topping up my drink when I’ve asked them not too or getting me a large when I’ve asked for a small.

I spent the early part of my twenties unable to control my intake and getting into situations I am deeply ashamed of. It’s incredibly liberating to remember social occasions with fondness rather than shame, if able to remember at all.

I think it depends on why you don't drink. I found that if I didn't drink because I didn't want to then I would get hassled about having one.
Now I can't drink due to medication I'm on for a heart condition and nobody says anything. It's like you have to have an 'acceptable' reason not to drink.

Some really interesting opinions here but I'm not surprised that lots of others have had similar experiences.

I agree with PP in that it might seem easier to pretend to be drinking, but really all that does is upset people and they seem to feel as though you have 'tricked' them into being drunk around you!

I agree it actually is more about a person's own relationship with alcohol.

Funnily enough I normally leave before anyone does embarrass themselves! I'm gone by about 10:30, so any worries I might be sneakily looking for potential blackmail material is absolutely not true. As a PP pointed out, when she shots come out, it's usually time for me to go!

"Because I don't want to" should be a good enough reason.

Not much of a drinker, but seldom do drink related activities( so am a bit at the posters saying all socialising revolves round it and I can’t bond with others without it). I’ve only once been hassled to drink, and that was at a school mum’s party, she did NOT like me not drinking. But that was an aquaintance not a friend. I think that’s what Bluntness was getting at. So if you end up going out for work dos , only one or two of them are likely to be actual friends, the others are just randoms in your life.

I agree completely. It's certainly more acquaintances than friends. In a way it makes it more awkward as it's the demand for an explanation to somebody I don't really know that I find odd.

I stopped drinking about three years ago and I haven't had one negative comment. All I usually say is 'No thanks, I don't drink' if someone tries to pour me a glass of alcohol and that's it, no one has ever questioned it. I'm in my 30s so maybe it's an age thing - I can imagine a very difference response if I had stopped drinking in my early 20s!

I think this attitude is changing now and more young people (not to get all ageist) are choosing not to drink at all. Among my generation and older I think people do feel a bit uncomfortable when people don’t drink when everyone else is. I think they feel judged maybe? Especially in my parents’ generation, where maybe their parents very rarely drank. My grandparents were more or less teetotal and my parents always saw teetotalism as a bit stuffy as a result. I think things have come full circle now with young people (hopefully) not aspiring to be pissheads, as sometimes seemed the case when I was younger.

I was once asked "how do you have a good time if you don't drink?"

My answer was that I didn't "need" a drink to have a good time.

I mean, come on!

I love a drink, but I do agree. When I was pregnant I still got the 'one won't hurt' spiel from pissed people.
I was MOH at a wedding the other day and most people were rip roaringly drunk, there was one of the best men who kept mixing these awful concoctions (think red wine mixed with beer mixed with spirits, like something you'd have as a student) and pressuring everyone to drink them. Very annoying.
(then he tried to sleep with one of the married bridesmaids and threw up everywhere...)
One of our friends doesn't drink at all and brought loads of nice soft drinks, non alcoholic champagne etc and still got involved with the dancing, karaoke and the party in general. The whole attitude by winebottle of 'I don't believe you had a good time without drinking' is really sad IMO.

@DianaTheHuntress I totally agree, I think on the whole people are becoming much more tolerable generally which is great.

We don't drink much here either. I will have one now & again, but DP not at all. It's not because he's a sanctimonious bore, or a killjoy, it's because he watched a close family member drink themselves to death and it was ugly, protracted and just bloody awful. It put him right off drinking. But he is the most sociable person I know and I haven't really heard anyone comment negatively about him drinking soft drinks on a night out. Maybe we have just been lucky. I would hate that kind of pressure to join in when I didn't want to.

@queenworkerbee what a bloody idiot ...there is always one. Hope he felt it the next day

The dullest response to someone finding out I was sober (5 years now) was a friend coming up to me 6 times at a party, more pissed each time to tell me how boring I was !!! it was really quite funny to be honest. Sanctimonious bore??? what was boring was the appalling and sad life I was leading before.

never had this, but then it looks like I don't associate with alky-bores. My friends do drink but don't see it as a competition or a route to being interesting.

find some new people to socialise with. Ones with interests, lives, stuff like that.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-45283401

Just bring that ^ up

I don't drink very much at all. I am not teetotal but I would say my consumption is around 1-2 drinks a month, sometimes none.

On a night out I may have 1, but that's it.

I’m very hypocritical on this issue. I hate it when people don’t drink as for me those people tend to really deflate the atmosphere. But sometimes I don’t want to drink - if I have a lot on at work the next day for example - and then I really hate it when people pressure me!

Definitely true in my circles that if you have a “valid” reason, e.g. illness, pregnancy etc then it’s fine, but if not then people just stop inviting you out as they assume you’re boring/uptight.