Attitudes towards teetotalers

[enbh]

As the title suggests I am teetotal. I haven't drank alcohol for almost 4 years. Yet I still get hassle almost every time I go out to a social occasion for not drinking. I have no problems with other people drinking btw, but myself and my husband don't drink.

AIBU to get a little sick of all 'only one won't hurt' and 'oh go on!'

I cannot reiterate enough that I have no judgement at all as to what others do, I drank alcohol myself for many years, I just want people to respect my decisions too.

Whenever I tell people I don't drink they look at me like I've lost my mind!! Is it really that weird?

I’m an occasional drinker, mother an alcoholic who died. I don’t like being around people who are drunk so I very rarely stay out late. I will go home once the shots come out.

I’m probably very boring company at work nights out. I actually don’t care to be honest. I don’t judge people on nights out having a good time.

I save my holier than thou thoughts for the wine-o’clock brigade. I just cannot bear to think of my kids seeing me pissed. But then I did see it from the child’s side of things. I hate that other parents assume because I have 3 small kids I must therefore cope by drinking wine/gin. I just smile and say, “no I don’t really drink alcohol.” And for those who think the kids don’t notice, I’ve seen a couple of tipsy mothers waiting to drop the kids off at school discos at 6pm to know otherwise.

I think there are extremes on both sides here. I like a drink, I would never question anyone I was with if they were not drinking. I certainly would never pressurise anyone else to drink - first and foremost you have no idea why they are not drinking. It is none of my business and I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

On the converse, there are a minority of 'tee total' people who seem obsessed with letting everyone know they are tee total and do give the impression that they view drinkers as 'inferior' or 'weak'. To me they are just as bad as the 'drink pushers'. They make others feel uncomfortable.

I think tolerance is needed on both sides - just don't draw attention to it either way.

When I was 18 I felt very uncomfortable going out with someone who wasn’t drinking. It made me feel awkward and like I was being “watched” or something and I couldn’t relax. I think some people don’t grow out of this. It was totally my problem but at the time I thought it was the non drinker being weird.

These days I rarely drink and get a lot of raised eyebrows. But my friends are used to it.

I also think events like work do's and weddings are not representative of a person's normal behaviour. A huge amount of people feel very socially awkward and find it very difficult to make 'small talk' in these types of environment. This can often include people you would assume are 'the life and soul' or extroverts.

A drink or two loosens a lot of people up. Some people take it too far.

The thing is, a person's behaviour and even comments they make to you - is more about what is going on with them than anything about you.

@FeedingGiraffes I agree that no booze can be awkward at the start of a night etc I guess that is why so many people drink before they go out.

My boss a few years ago actually put vodka in my coke, knowing full well I was driving home, as a 'joke'. Obviously he failed to realise I'd taste it and twig but even then he just roared with laughter that I'd found him out. No apology, nothing. He said I would be the sober one at the Xmas party and he didn't want me rembering all the embarrassing details. He was drunk at that point but still, not really an excuse.

Weirdly the other time I've seen this sort of thing was when a colleague went on a diet (when she was a 'normal' weight) and used to refuse cake at work and people looked at her like she had lost her senses.

They would leave her cake anyway, in case she changed her mind, and I found out one day it really upset her. She said she was diabetic but didn't feel ready to share and felt she was being bullied into eating goodies and I must admit she kind of was. People were being bitchy to her about it, in a subtle way. I think because they wished they had her willpower!

Anyway, that's a bit off topic!

I can understand why you are annoyed but personally I wouldn’t want to spend any extended period of time with people who would pressurise me into doing something I didn’t want to do, so not going out with them would kill two birds with one stone.

I drink about 10 units of alcohol a year, I’ve nether really developed a taste for it and can only drink certain spirits with copious amounts of fruit juice.

The cake thing is actually really interesting as it is the similar dynamic.

People often bring in cake and treats at work. Most people (including me) will leave it in a shared area and ask people to help themselves with no pressure.

Some people will however walk it round and push it on to people. If you refuse, they will say 'what about just a little piece' or start asking if you don't like it or are on a diet. To the extent that you feel you have to take some or you will be offending them in some way.

Both are an overstepping of boundaries. No-one should feel obliged to explain themselves over stuff like this.

I think you're right. My husband has a drink problem and has given up drinking. He is also an ethnic minority and has a name which obviously links him to a religion which forbids drinking. People assume that he's teetotal because of God and he gets pretty much no hassle for it. A few years ago I gave up drinking and people were always trying to persuade me to drink!

I gave up alcohol when I was trying to get pregnant last year and now I'm 7 month people still tell me "Oh one won't hurt" "I drank every weekend when I was pregnant," "Bet you can't wait to have a drink."
Er no I'm alright thanks..

I don't really drink now because I suffer with migraines when I do. Honestly I don't miss it. I used to drink if I went out but rarely at home.
People are really weird about it and assume I must be desperate to have a glass of wine.
I think people get really uncomfortable about it but I don't know why, I don't judge others and I think I still can be fun on a night out.
I also wouldn't and haven't taken the piss out of anyone for things they say and do when they've had a few. If they ask I always say "you were fine"

Winebottle your whole post is about how people need to behave like you so you feel ok. It's exactly the same attitude my alcoholic mother took. She's a large part of the reason why I don't drink. There is nothing more tedious than a half-cut person trying to force you to drink so they can pretend their dependence on alcohol is normal. Your post says far more about you than it does about anyone who chooses not to drink alcohol.

I tend to take the bull by the horns and say, "Yes, don't smoke, don't drink, really boring!" which seems to stop them unless really determined, but as I usually socialise when arriving in my own car, most folks are happy to leave it at that, and they know I'm happy to be nominated driver!
I really don't mind if other people want an alcoholic drink, I'm not judging them; it's their problem if they feel defensive.
As a FeedingGiraffes and other PP's have mentioned, trying to stick to a diet can bring out the same response. When I started trying to reduce my weight on doctor's orders, most friends just said "Good for you!" and left it at that, but one friend in particular could not let it lie, as if in some way I was implying that she could do with losing a few pounds and was being "holier than thou".
Maybe they have a sneaking suspicion that they should be making a change of their own, and don't like being reminded that it can be done.

A bugbear of mine is seeing the way alcohol is portrayed on TV. On soap operas you see the character automatically reach for the wine bottle straight after work /bad day/good day everything. It may be usual behaviour but it's not really normal to need a mind altering substance to punctuate everything in life.

DP and I are teetotal and get constant grief about it!

His mates have stopped calling just because he won't go out and get drunk every weekend.

Everytime we attend a social event we get asked "who is driving?" if DH says he is I get "why are you drinking lemonade then?!" and vice versa

FFS why do we NEED to drink in order to make other people happy!

Who the hell and what kind of people are you all socialising with? I know of no grown adult who would pressurise another to drink.

Seriously, some folks on here need to get new friends. It's mind boggling.

@Bluntness100
Do you suggest I get a new family as well?

@Bluntness what a ridiculous answer! So you know how each and every person you know would react to somebody not drinking? Sorry...but no, you don't.

If you are in pub, ask for a slice of lemon or lime in water or tonic - if anyone asks just lie and say it is a gin and tonic - same for coke - vodka and coke

Hell no. I'm not going to pretend I'm drinking alcohol. I hate the stuff and don't have to justify my choice to anyone.

but I would assume there was a reason

We all know what assuming does.

Alcohol is a hugely important part of our culture and has been for thousands of years. Social life in this country revolves around alcohol

Mine doesn't.

A party without alcohol is not a party

It is though.

By not drinking, you are miss out on a shared social experiences with others. It makes it more difficult to bond and means you are a bit of an outsider in a group of drinkers

No I' not, no it doesn't and no I'm not.

"I don't like the taste" is not a sufficient excuse. You should try harder and learn to like it

Are you actually real? Like a real person who exists?

I view "life and soul" non-drinker with suspicion. They are impostors trying to be part of the drinking crowd when they are not. I simply don't believe you had a whale of a time at a wedding without drinking

I view people like you as absolute monumental bell ends.

I'm sure you will tell me what a great time you have without alcohol but there would be a big hole in my life without it

You have a big hole shaped problem.

HTH.

My friends and acquaintances, yes of course I do, and bescause they aren't twats who try to get other adults to drink. Could there be a random in there who is, sure.

But if you're regularly socialising with grown adults who pressurise you to drink as people are posting, then stop fucking socialising with them. In all my adult years I've never seen anyone do it past early twenties.

My dp has never wanted to try alcohol. That is great as I CBA to deal with drunken twats. I rarely drink myself now as I have dc.

I used to be the arsehole who tried to get my non-drinking friend to drink. I thought at the time it was funny; it really isn't. She never did and I hope I'm less of an arsehole nowadays.

I've been de facto almost teetotal since I started driving. I won't drink and drive and I never much liked drinking at home. I don't think having a drink in a bar or restaurant is worth the faff of public transport or the cost of a taxi.

I've always found non-drinkers to be sanctimonious bores who always deflate the atmosphere
My ex-DP died an alcoholic. If he'd had more support within his social circle to not drink, he might be alive today.

I'm almost teetotal. I have maybe a handful of drinks a year and it would be only one or two at a time.

I find drunk people tedious and boring. In my experience they do one of these things:

1. Tell long stories that they find fascinating but are rambling messes with no real conclusion (father in law, I'm looking at you)
2. Get in your face, either angrily or over the top happy (my husband does the latter, it drives me up the fucking wall)
3. Accuse me of being boring (bollocks to that, I'm bloody hilarious)
4. Do stupid shit because their judgement is impaired, and that is just stupid.

My step father is an alcoholic and I have no interest in following in his footsteps. For every person who 'judge's' me for not drinking, I am judging them right back.

I'm a drinker, but I'm also frequently a driver, and regardless of the law, one drink has never done it for me, so I'd never have 'just one' when driving.

The hassle I get from partner's family is incredible (along with pregnancy-side eye). After reluctantly agreeing to sip a prosecco at a family party, I got a sherry-laden triffle foisted on me too.

I also got berated at my hen do for 'not being drunk enough'. Um, it was mid evening. I would hardly enjoy myself if I were slurring words and vomming already, would I?

although now I am getting married I can exact petty revenge on annoying people via the seating plan