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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think weddings have gone a bit crazy, or have they always been like this.

149 replies

Fitzsimmons · 22/08/2018 14:14

Is it me, or have weddings, christenings, and other major celebrations gone a bit crazy in recent years?

I keep seeing posts on here about things like people having childfree weddings and getting upset when guests with kids decline, people expected to pay out hundreds to attend a hen do, bridesmaids who have to turn out like clones on the day or god forbid the photos might not look symmetrical. Christenings seem to have gone a bit mad as well. They used to be about declaring your intentions to bring up a Christian child (which is why my kids haven't been) but now they're about showy tea parties and props and gifts.

There are even companies now that will come and set a scene for you, with various props and backdrops to create the perfect look for your photos.

Is it driven by the rise of social media I wonder? Everyone is looking for the perfect image to post online, even if it means those at the event won't enjoy it.

I got married over ten years ago and we had a traditional hotel reception affiar. Loads of kids, lots of alcohol, no props, basic family photos. My bridesmaids helped pick the dress (though I chose the colour) and wore whatever shoes and jewellery they fancied. I invited plus ones, even if I hadn't met them, because I wanted my guests to be happy. I thought all of this was pretty normal but from what I've read on here it all seems to have changed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fitzsimmons · 22/08/2018 14:33

Just me then?

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 22/08/2018 14:49

Not just you at all.

I think the inventor of instagram should be pinned down and "contoured" to within an inch of their life.

OwlinaTree · 22/08/2018 14:52

I agree. It's the big weddings abroad that I don't understand. I thought the point of getting married abroad was it was just the two of you. Now people seem to expect all their friends and family to shell out a fortune to travel abroad to attend the wedding. If you want everyone there why have it abroad?

user1485342611 · 22/08/2018 14:53

Yes I think weddings, christenings, school graduations etc have all become over hyped, overly expensive and overly stressful affairs.

I don't have a problem with childfree weddings though. It can be very expensive to invite all of your friends' children to a hotel reception.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/08/2018 14:54

I think it's a result of the widening of range of venues you can get married in. When I was married, it was your own church, your parents' church if you pretended you lived with them, or the registry office. There wasn't a lot of scope to put your own stamp on the wedding - even the reception had limited options within range of the church/registry office.

Now you can get married almost everywhere, and there's the possibility of making your own wedding "memorable", everyone understandably wants to make their own wedding more memorable than anyone else's.

Another factor is that it's not seen as the bride's parents' expense. When the bride's parents paid, weddings were much more about families, and you were lucky to get more than one or two of your own friends in. Now the couple are more likely to pay, and choose their own guests, so distant aunts and cousins aren't necessarily invited.

alwaysultra · 22/08/2018 14:55

YANBU at all

Hen nights should be a few blow up willies down the local not two weeks in an Ibiza luxury villa with organised spa treatments etc etc

Children's birthday party's now are often more grand than weddings I went to as a child.

tillytoodles1 · 22/08/2018 14:56

My daughter's getting married in three weeks and has to have it all, Photo booth, venue dressing, favours, fancy bathroom stuff. I'm getting to the stage where I've had enough!

BackInTime · 22/08/2018 14:57

YANBU it has all gone a bit crazy, not just weddings and christenings but baby showers, reveal cakes, hen dos, birthday parties etc. There is a big element of keeping up with the Joneses and also trying to wanting to portray the OK magazine type lifestyle. I have known people spend £30k on their dream wedding while saying they couldn’t afford a deposit.

Failingat40 · 22/08/2018 14:58

Not just you.

Everything now is seen as an opportunity to boast and post the perfect pics of the 'perfect' occasion all over social media.

Fake happiness imo, all superficial.

People who are getting married and having their babies christened for genuine reasons stand out a mile from the ones doing it for the whole 'experience'.

MrsMoastyToasty · 22/08/2018 14:59

I got married about a year before the rules changed about where you could marry.
I remember going into one bridal shop and being asked if I had a "theme". I said " no just a wedding!"

seven201 · 22/08/2018 15:01

I've read a lot about them (mainly on here) but not experienced anything like it in real life. Only been to lovely weddings and affordable hen do's etc. I think ott ones in the minority in reality.

Original poster
Fitzsimmons · 22/08/2018 15:04

The last wedding I went to looked picture perfect. But it was all so impersonal. I had been friends with the groom since childhood and there was nothing in it that made it "his" or his brides, if that makes sense. It was almost like a box ticking exercise in how to have the perfect wedding. I think it really affected the atmosphere, there wasn't much of a buzz. It's sad really that all these significant events have become nothing more than a stage show.

OP posts:
chickensaresafehere · 22/08/2018 15:07

Don't get the big ,'I want it all' weddings,never have.Even as a little girl I never dreamed of a big white wedding with all the associated (expensive)stuff that goes with it!
And it's getting worse.

igotdemons · 22/08/2018 15:12

Yes and the people organising them are becoming very entitled too. I know of a bride to be that recently got engaged - within days she’d booked the venue, found her dress and sent out the invites! Two days later she was whinging to her DFiancé that ‘nobody has RSVP’d’ yet’ and so to appease her he rang his best mate on the quiet and asked him to RSVP! 😱 Now I’ve just heard that she’s got such a bee in her bonnet about people not having replied to their invites yet that she’s going to give a list on the day to the best man, of people who have and haven’t RSVP’d so he can either allow them in or turn them away! 🙄 I should add that the wedding day isn’t until March and and the RSVP date is December!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I think this woman has got a lot to learn about life yet... 😆

actualpuffins · 22/08/2018 15:15

I've never been to a crazy wedding, have only read about it on MN. All the weddings I've been to have been lovely.

FWIW people were talking about how crazy weddings are these days 15 years ago when I got married, and I saw no evidence of it among my own friends.

OwlinaTree · 22/08/2018 15:17

I've got an advert for having your wedding at a royal palace at the bottom of the page now!Grin

motortroll · 22/08/2018 15:18

I asked my mum when we were planning our v low key wedding what her first dance was and she told me no one did stuff like that in the 1960s unless they were loaded/royalty. They just had dinner and drive off after that. They didn't even really have a party in the evening!! So yes it's definitely changed over time. Ours was minimal planning and low cost but still more than my mum had with our party all night!

toomanychilder · 22/08/2018 15:18

No things haven't gone anyway at all. There have always been large lavish weddings and small ones. There have always been child free weddings and family orientated ones. There have always been destination weddings, there have always been weird weddings, there have always been just witnesses weddings.

The only difference is that you are on MN and social media so now are exposed to lots more weddings. It's that simple.

StaySafe · 22/08/2018 15:20

Yes, OP, my wedding was like yours and still talked about as a great day out 34 years later (by those present who are still alive). I had one bridesmaid and bought some fabric for her dress and told her to have something made up that she liked. I made us matching lace headbands and would not have dreamed of asking her not to wear a watch. I think brides should think more about ensuring everyone enjoys themselves and being good hosts than being queen for the day.

actualpuffins · 22/08/2018 15:21

Exactly, "it's not like it was in my day" has always been said by people who are getting old.

I bet people said it a lot after white dresses and wedding cakes came in after Queen Victoria started it off.

And in the middle ages. Get married in church? We just jumped over a broom and that was good enough for us.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 22/08/2018 15:24

Being an Aussie, what I don't get are evening invitations.... this is unheard of in Australia, it's the whole day or nothing.

Stillwishihadabs · 22/08/2018 15:25

I blame that bloody movie four weddings and a funeral. A whole generation of young people indoctrinated into enormous weddings.

knittingdad · 22/08/2018 15:26

I think this is partly an observer bias effect.

Back in the pre-internet days an absurd wedding would have been a topic of gossip in a local area and among a group of people who were invited and their circle.

Now I can read about the most absurd events from across the country and the world. So it appears that things are becoming more crazy, but it might just [partly] be that it's easier to hear about crazy things then it used to be.

toomanychilder · 22/08/2018 15:26

Being an Aussie, what I don't get are evening invitations.... this is unheard of in Australia, it's the whole day or nothing

They are not unheard of in an entire country because you haven't heard of them! and since I was an evening only guest at a wedding in Sydney, I beg to differ.

SirGawain · 22/08/2018 15:29

If the wedding is in Maui YABVU😆

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