To think weddings have gone a bit crazy, or have they always been like this.

[Fitzsimmons]

Is it me, or have weddings, christenings, and other major celebrations gone a bit crazy in recent years?

I keep seeing posts on here about things like people having childfree weddings and getting upset when guests with kids decline, people expected to pay out hundreds to attend a hen do, bridesmaids who have to turn out like clones on the day or god forbid the photos might not look symmetrical. Christenings seem to have gone a bit mad as well. They used to be about declaring your intentions to bring up a Christian child (which is why my kids haven't been) but now they're about showy tea parties and props and gifts.

There are even companies now that will come and set a scene for you, with various props and backdrops to create the perfect look for your photos.

Is it driven by the rise of social media I wonder? Everyone is looking for the perfect image to post online, even if it means those at the event won't enjoy it.

I got married over ten years ago and we had a traditional hotel reception affiar. Loads of kids, lots of alcohol, no props, basic family photos. My bridesmaids helped pick the dress (though I chose the colour) and wore whatever shoes and jewellery they fancied. I invited plus ones, even if I hadn't met them, because I wanted my guests to be happy. I thought all of this was pretty normal but from what I've read on here it all seems to have changed.

@mumsastudent thanks for coming back - I'd been racking my brains trying to remember that punchline!

@womaningreen Ha true it is a favourite song! And this type of thread just puts the fear in me that people will think I’m stuck up or being frivolous (which I suppose I am) but I can be ha!

@graphista but you could easily say a new car could get smashed up too. It’s a luxuary as is a large wedding. Should we just spend nothing because it’s “just one day” it’s supposed to be a celebration. We’re celebrating our families coming together. Also families hardly get to see each other as much as people are much more likely to be scattered compared to the olden days where everyone lived in the one place and never left. So weddings and funerals are when people come together. So when it’s a wedding might as well be a good day.

Also we will be going to pre-Cana counciling as I’m Catholic. So we’re doing more than the average person as to me it’s a sacrament.

However completely agree with not getting into debt for it. If you can’t afford it then you’ll need to readjust what you’re expectations are. Or have a longer engagement to save. That’s why we’re not getting married for 2 years.

I've seen a few younger people here saying its not driven by social media but it totally is. Before the internet you had only a few ways of even finding out what was considered normal for an event.
A) ones you'd attended yourself
B) ones on TV/films
C) brochures
You knew that the only people who'd see it were the invitees and so it was not that likely you'd go for a massive lavish or unusual thing, unless you were the kind of person who thrived on attention or if you were super aspirational. The only pictures taken were for personal memories.
Being able to browse 1,000,000 different pictures of weddings styled by professionals around the world and knowing people from all over including all of your random acquaintances and strangers will judge you based on the aesthetic of your event has got to do funny things to your priorities.

Mumsastudent 😁

Having said that my daughter was christened recently and we had cookies and milkshakes for the children and prosecco for the adults. BUT it was a joint event with two other families, the children were all school age and had chosen to be Christened so we thought that was worth celebrating, plus the refreshments were done straight after in the church hall so we did entertain the congregation. And we didn't put it on social meeds after.

Graphista good point about debt. About the evening do- people used to have a lunch or an afternoon tea, then the couple would go off on honeymoon, everyone waving them off. I always thought that was a nice thing. Children were always included because they were part of the family celebrations.

Ah well toomanychilder we'll have to agree to disagree on the evening thing 😊. It always smacked to me of people 'not being good enough' for the whole day. I'm not going to spend money on travel, accommodation etc. Just for an evening invite.

Have to agree with weddings getting a bit over the top though, how on Earth do most people afford them? Surely a house deposit would make more sense?

It’s all gone over my head I think, until my brother and his fiancée got engaged.

Jesus fucking Christ you’d think it was the second coming. Commemorative () magnets for save the date, wanky souvenir jigsaws and personalised tat everything.

I reckon I’ll call in dead that day, not a hope in hell DP, the bairns or I will be anywhere near that shitshow!!!

Off to a wedding soon for a couple who rent a flat but have spent £30k on a Spanish wedding complete with flamenco dancers, a ‘cocktail magician’ (whatever that is) a saxophone player and the rest

Most cars don't end up "smashed up" but last many years.

Glad to see you recognise it is a luxury, not a necessity.

Pre-Cana is good, but I'd still prefer counselling to be done by trained counsellors, with particular training in spotting abuse.

Ah well toomanychilder we'll have to agree to disagree on the evening thing 😊. It always smacked to me of people 'not being good enough' for the whole day. I'm not going to spend money on travel, accommodation etc. Just for an evening invite

Well you don't tend to invite people to the evening who have to travel or stayover anyway, but it has nothing to do with not being good enough (which is a touch self absorbed anyway), if anything its the very opposite. Its for people who would have no expectation to be invited to your wedding, but you want to be a part of it. Friends of your parents, old neighbours, work colleagues who aren't real friends, etc.

It's perfectly normal, culturally. You can have your own feelings on it, but you can't tell another culture what they mean by it and how the etiquette is, for them.

I know many disagree, but I think an evening only invitation indicates that you're less significant, on a lower level. But you still have to take a gift!! I don't go to evening only ones.

Toomanychilder I seem to have hit a nerve! Apols if so. I'm not telling another 'culture' how to think (though part of me finds that a bit strange seeing as I'm wholly of British descent...)

@Flamingo19

The same sort of couple that will be complaining that they will never be able to afford to buy a home.

No, I've just seen it too many times on here. I'm sure you can see the issue with completely dismissing and condemning something perfectly normal to other people, without even understanding how they do it?

I imagine these changes have come about through being able to get hold of credit cards more easily. Years ago you simply had the money you earned and that was it - there was the Littlewoods catalogue or cash!

I think an awful lot of people are using credit cards to pay for weddings, clothes, hen weekends etc - there must be tons who are separated before their cards are paid off.

The more ‘performance’ a wedding is the more I worry about the actual marriage.

And if the couple have spent every spare moment in the run-up to the happy day fretting about whether the napkins will match the chair bows will match the bridesmaids' shoes, I wonder what on Earth they'll find to talk about when they get back from their destination honeymoon and find real life waiting for them.

And let's not forget the sense of entitlement to a fancy proposal. Carriage rides round Central Park, flashmobs, announcements in the middle of theatre performances...

Children were always included because they were part of the family celebrations.

Hmm, not so sure about that. My parents went to a number of weddings in the 70s and 80s, and I was always disappointed to find I was never invited - I was desperate to go to a wedding. They were all adults only. I had to wait till I was mid-teens to get invited to one.

That's interesting, MadMary -I'd never heard of an adult only wedding until very recently.

Children were always included because they were part of the family celebrations

That simply is not true. I don't understand the people who claim X was always done this way, when they have no knowledge at all about it.

I find the tone of this post very smug! A small or inexpensive wedding doesn’t mean it was “better”. I do agree that things are quite OTT now in terms of people being demanding or grabby, but a bigger wedding or more expensive isn’t somehow worse, or bloody matching bridesmaids outfits or whatever. So judgemental.

I'm not really talking about the size of weddings. Mine was pretty big (parents on all sides with 3+ siblings). Nor complaining about childfree weddings. It's the people who complain about guests not coming because they have childcare issues and how dare they not put the wedding of the year on the top of the priority list. And the stylisation of weddings where everything is about appearance and nothing more. So the bridesmaid with the knee injury has to wear high heels because apparently the photos would look awful if she didn't. That's the sort of thing I was referring to.

And yes, baby showers, gender reveal parties all seem to be part of this phenomenon where everything is about appearance and capturing the right image.

I'm not claiming it was always that way for everyone, and I don't have "no knowledge". This is a pleasant thread, let's keep it that way .

YANBU. The whole thing has become a bit of a farce really. I feel like some people get married and Christen their children purely for the nice photos for social media tbh. That is an incredibly cynical view to have, I know but I can’t fathom why people spent tens of thousands on one day, I really can’t.

The hen/stag do’s are ridiculous too. You need to take a loan out to attend a hen/stag and wedding nowadays, you really do. Gone are the days when it was just a local quiet affair that cost you the price of an outfit and small gift. Now it’s hundreds of pounds travelling across the country, staying in a hotel, buying an expensive gift or giving money etc. Unbelievably grabby.

It's beyond ridiculous now. I'm mid thirties and in the midst of loads of friends getting engaged/married/babies.

One friend has just had 4!! hen do's. One abroad, one afternoon tea, one night out and one at the races.
I've just been invited to another friend's hen do which is a spa day and overnight stay at a hotel 20min drive away, costing £120 5 weeks before Christmas. I will have to decline as I can't afford it that close to Christmas.

The last hen do I went do before this year was in 2008 and we had a night out in town and watched a tribute band, had a meal. Everything now is so much more expensive and grander and it all has to look amazing on Instagram and Facebook. People are putting way too much pressure on themselves to make everything 'perfect'.

Another friend got married abroad last year and made her groom wear some sort of platform shoes/inserts so that he would be taller than her on the photos. Apparently it was not an option for her to wear lower heels.

More 'ordinary' couples have big expensive weddings these days

Yeah, terrible plebs spending their money. There is a ton of reverse snobbery about weddings, and Four Yorkshiremen sketch stuff.

"Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

A cup ' COLD tea.

Without milk or sugar.

OR tea!

In a filthy, cracked cup.

We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor."