To think weddings have gone a bit crazy, or have they always been like this.

[Fitzsimmons]

Is it me, or have weddings, christenings, and other major celebrations gone a bit crazy in recent years?

I keep seeing posts on here about things like people having childfree weddings and getting upset when guests with kids decline, people expected to pay out hundreds to attend a hen do, bridesmaids who have to turn out like clones on the day or god forbid the photos might not look symmetrical. Christenings seem to have gone a bit mad as well. They used to be about declaring your intentions to bring up a Christian child (which is why my kids haven't been) but now they're about showy tea parties and props and gifts.

There are even companies now that will come and set a scene for you, with various props and backdrops to create the perfect look for your photos.

Is it driven by the rise of social media I wonder? Everyone is looking for the perfect image to post online, even if it means those at the event won't enjoy it.

I got married over ten years ago and we had a traditional hotel reception affiar. Loads of kids, lots of alcohol, no props, basic family photos. My bridesmaids helped pick the dress (though I chose the colour) and wore whatever shoes and jewellery they fancied. I invited plus ones, even if I hadn't met them, because I wanted my guests to be happy. I thought all of this was pretty normal but from what I've read on here it all seems to have changed.

It's just considered bad manners, if you can't afford to accommodate certain people at the whole event it's considered better etiquette to not invite them at all

And others (mine) its bad manners to not invite all the people you can't afford for the whole day to the party in the evening. It would be terribly rude. Which is why I get annoyed when people say "this is a new thing, its awfule, so rude" etc. well no, its none of those things, its just different, and acceptable.

**toomanychilder

I was a bridesmaid (I don't think flowergirls had been invented) aged 6

Are you 4 thousand years old? Because flower girls date back to ancient Greece where small females would scatter petals and grains to symbolise fertility for the marriage.

It's not a new thing!

My sense of humour obviously doesn't come over very well on here!

Ya DEFINITELY nbu!

I used to work in the wedding industry and left just as the sm thing was starting (ironically due to the business folding due to lack of custom - fwiw I don't think more people are marrying now, just that those that do go bonkers!). Even I think it has become far too commercialised.

As someone who married over 20 years ago and had a traditional church wedding + village hall type reception, where partners and children were very welcome, all done on a fairly tight budget I personally think not only are the amounts of money insane (and wedding couples are rarely getting value for money) but also that people have largely lost sight of what a wedding is about. And I had 150 guests! (Large catholic family - that part not new!)

Yes it's a couple declaring their love, before witnesses and entering a legal arrangement - but it's also the joining of 2 lives! Which includes each parties family & friends - people they are supposed to care about, yet we frequently see threads on mn where either bride or groom - or both! Are treating their GUESTS like shit!

Dreadful behaviour like -

Expecting people to treat their wedding as a compulsory event to attend.

Expecting guests with newborn babies or other caring responsibilities to just drop those responsibilities to attend their wedding AND in the way they COMMAND.

Not providing sufficient refreshments.

Not providing sufficient information regarding location, style of wedding, accommodation, transport etc

Not thanking guests properly for attending.

Not thanking guests properly for gifts - treating gifts as an expectation inc how much is spent on them without ANY consideration for the fact guests have

A - already probably spent a fortune in attending

B - may not have a lot of spare money for gifts

C - a mind of their own regarding choice of gift

D - may have put a lot of care and thought into a gift.

Very poor manners regarding gifts for all occasions on mn. It's very bad manners to do anything other than say "thank you, that's lovely" or similar. You absolutely DON'T tell the giver that you hate it, or it's not enough!

Hen and stag do's being abroad is utterly ridiculous. They are traditionally celebrating the "last night of freedom" and were just single sex nights out on this basis - 2 week holidays often means those attending can neither afford the money or the time for a family holiday that year, and if you have several friends marrying around the same few years which isn't uncommon, it can be impossible to celebrate with all of them as a result.

I also agree that they now lack the true personal touch. I had flowers in my bouquet that were meaningful to my family. The groom wore a colour that was meaningful to his. The guests were the people we were genuinely close to. So much so that several of them did or made things that were included in the wedding.

As for the nonsense that there is around baby showers (an American import which wasn't even done in uk when I had dd), christenings, first communions and proms (another American import) I just find myself thinking people are just using them as an excuse to spend money (that they usually haven't got!).

My marriage didn't last, but people who attended the wedding still remember it as a cracking fun, day where they were well looked after.

what's the point of just coming to evening do without seeing the actual wedding ceremony?

It's fun! Drinking, dancing, food...thats all far more fun than sitting through mass and hanging around while people do photos!

But it’s not just weddings is it ? Everything seems to have gone the same way . Christmas has become far more complicated now than it used to be , with Christmas Eve boxes and elves on sodding shelves , and matchy matchy decorated interiors and ridiculously complicated dinners . And that’s before you get to the gifts .

Mother’s Day ! Likewise . Birthdays , just the same . Push presents ostentatiously shown off on Facebook . Every occasion seems to be pounced upon as having to be insta worthy . And yes , I do know that it’s not like that for everyone , and no ones forced into it , but I’m seeing more and more ‘stylised’ occasions creeping into even my sanest friends social media feeds .

With weddings there is also the pressure to do something different especially if lots in a circle of friends have weddings around the same time. So you cannot have the same wedding venue, hen do, entertainment, theme etc if it has been done before. This leads to pressure to spend more money trying to better everyone else. I have witnessed the most sensible people turn into serious bridezillas organising a wedding and putting themselves under serious financial pressure just to put on a show.

I'm old enough to remember the tipping point when windows stopped being sarnies in the village hall and became circuses. It was pre social media.

I'm sure social media makes it worse but it was already an ever growing monster!

My DD is getting married soon - I would hate to think that anyone is there under duress, bored, resentful etc :( There isn’t anyone invited because they ‘should’ be, but because they are wanted - the guest list was up to the B&G ( we are paying for the majority of the costs) and it is going to be a really interesting mix of people. I thought it was very refreshing when my friend, DDs godmother, accepted her invitation with enthusiasm but said her DP of 8 years would be declining as he hated that sort of occasion - fair enough !

Impression management on social media is the norm

Engagement party
Hen do
Wedding
Anniversary
Reveal (baby's sex)
Baby shower
Birth
Christening
1st birthday party

Never see pics of the divorce party though

YANBU. I was on a friend's Instagram page t'other day and she posted pictures of her best friend's hen do. The bride commented that she'd used the wrong hashtag for their wedding... I am so glad not to be involved in that wedding!

YY to the hen do's to Ibiza, Barcelona, NY - just crazy!

And then there's travelling across the country multiple times to try on bridesmaid dresses and help the bride find a dress. You'd think the rise of online shopping would mean you wouldn't have to make your bridesmaids traipse cross country any more!

I was thing the same, OP.

I read with horror the thread that was something like ' Am I being unreasonable, or is my MOH?' .

The self absorption was incredible. I am completely baffled why people want this much attention on themselves and spend over a year planning and stupid amounts of money on one day.

For me it is a greedy, obscene waste of money for something that can be done extremely cheaply with no fuss and minimal planning.

I followed with interest the court case of the couple that wanted a civil ceremony , which as the law stands was only available to same sex couples. That is a 'wedding' I can get on board with.

Sod guest lists, table arrangements and plans, feuding families, cars, flowers, photographers, outfits, official roles, wedding breakfasts ..and sorry I need to say photographers again as I cannot stand professional wedding photos. They are completely impersonal to my eyes.

As for stag and hen do's..just seems a good way to either spend £1k you haven't got or lose a lifelong friendship. Utterly pointless.

Errr..rant over!

I’m old fashions (and old 😊) but I agree. It all seems to be about the instagram photos and staging is everything. Not only would I not want to be the bride now but I’m not that keen on weddings.

I have a friend who recently attended a wedding. Part of her preparation was of course an outfit, highlights, nails done and ..... anal bleaching 😐😐😐. We had a giggle about it but, she said she would feel “good” on the day without having had “the works”.

I suppose it’s just fashion. My wedding might seem very low key today but for me, it was perfect. And that’s the thing isn’t it....having what YOU want.

Everybody on MN had a small, tasteful, meaningful wedding that’s still being talked about years later as one of the best days the family’s ever had, so based on that evidence YABU

We are planning on a vegas wedding, or something similar. Just the two of us basically. No one invited, I don't like being the centre of attention anyway. Don't want to pay thousands to be annoyed by everyone.

Im waiting for someone to blame America

one less drunk at the funeral (sorry very old joke!)

I agree with pps that’s it’s been a gradual escalation. My grandparents married in the 1940s, on Christmas Day because nobody had to be at work that day. My grandma wore
her best work suit (it was lilac).

She thought my mother was being rather above herself in the 1970s, because she bought her wedding dress from a department store in Leeds. My parents had a few drinks in the local pub after their church ceremony then they drove (presumably drunk) down the M1 that same afternoon for their honeymoon - a weekend in London.

I can remember my Mum expressing horror at 1980s weddings involving discos - the horror! The extravagance!

I married in the noughties. I had a hand made designer dress, glass landau with pair of greys and a stately home. My mother was sadly no longer around to see it, but I’m sure she would have had a few things to say about ‘the extravagance’! The horse carriage was extravagant to be fair, but had more to do with my love of horses than a desire to show off on instagram, which didn’t exist then. (Or if it did, I wasn’t aware of it. I’m still not on it).

It will be interesting to see what the norm is by the time my dc get wed.

Lyricallie

Great username btw

The answer is you can do it whenever you like. I should have said, my issue with bug weddings is what a nightmare it can be for guests eg day running from 11 to 11, expensive food and drink with guests footing bill, being told to dress a certain way....there being no food for fecking hours, def the most common experience I've had.

If you are respectful of your guests, it's different. I don't have any sympathy for people who whine about the cost of their wedding but clearly that's not you.

*big

A bug wedding would be fun!

Or would it just be a flea circus ....

I think that ordinary people have more of a disposable income now. When I was growing up in the 60s/70s people got married in a church or a registry office. They had a sit down lunch or an afternoon tea. Bride's dress was made by mum or a dressmaker. Hen night was a night out, no more. Very few ordinary people could afford a lot of the stuff that is now the norm.

Lyricallie - because a car lasts longer than one day! Plus the more you spend on a car the better quality and longer it lasts, you can't say the same for a wedding (or even the marriage it creates).

I do think also that we are seeing a lot of especially women, seeing the glory of a wedding without appreciating that the focus should be on the marriage. I think that attitude at least partly contributes to the divorce rate because they get caught up in the IDEA of an engagement and wedding and all the fluff around them without stopping to consider if they're actually in a good relationship with a compatible person.

On another thread I said about people are wrong in thinking divorce is easy. That actually divorce is hellish, complicated and expensive.

Getting married is actually too easy. I don't mean in terms of the wedding but in terms of there being no requirement for the couple to seriously consider whether they're doing the right thing.

In theory it's possible to marry in 3 weeks, at a cost of less than £200 with few obstacles (being married to someone else, age being the only real reasons to prevent a marriage taking place). Personally I think all couples wanting to marry should undergo pre-marital counselling.

Not only would it reduce the divorce rate, I think it would stop people ending up married to abusers.

I'd want the counsellors to be trained in spotting abuse markers and how to help victims leave such relationships.

Clionba - actually another problem with the current trend in expensive weddings is couples getting themselves into serious debt to pay for them! Which is frankly ridiculous because of course nobody HAS to have an expensive wedding, it's a choice.

Starting married life with a big debt is also a pretty good way to ensure marital difficulties including potentially divorce! So counterproductive really.

EVERYTHING that Graphista said.

I've been to a fair few weddings, was bridesmaid eight times in my younger days and have never known any of the broohaha that goes on these days from what I have read on here. I don't recall hen nights even being called that - we just used to go to a club in London and have a few drinks - no way would we have been expected to spend hundreds of pounds going abroad. There were no grabby, badly written poems asking for money. On receipt of the invitation we would contact the parents and they would tell us which store held the gift list and we then chose according to what we could afford.

I've also attended a few christenings and not one included alcohol.