To think weddings have gone a bit crazy, or have they always been like this.

[Fitzsimmons]

Is it me, or have weddings, christenings, and other major celebrations gone a bit crazy in recent years?

I keep seeing posts on here about things like people having childfree weddings and getting upset when guests with kids decline, people expected to pay out hundreds to attend a hen do, bridesmaids who have to turn out like clones on the day or god forbid the photos might not look symmetrical. Christenings seem to have gone a bit mad as well. They used to be about declaring your intentions to bring up a Christian child (which is why my kids haven't been) but now they're about showy tea parties and props and gifts.

There are even companies now that will come and set a scene for you, with various props and backdrops to create the perfect look for your photos.

Is it driven by the rise of social media I wonder? Everyone is looking for the perfect image to post online, even if it means those at the event won't enjoy it.

I got married over ten years ago and we had a traditional hotel reception affiar. Loads of kids, lots of alcohol, no props, basic family photos. My bridesmaids helped pick the dress (though I chose the colour) and wore whatever shoes and jewellery they fancied. I invited plus ones, even if I hadn't met them, because I wanted my guests to be happy. I thought all of this was pretty normal but from what I've read on here it all seems to have changed.

YY the bigger the wedding the more spectacularly car crash the divorce.

Me and DP are very happily still not married... even though our younger child is herself engaged. Our influence does seem to have worked though, it's looking like it's going to be a year and a day handfasting next May Day, and fingers crossed it lasts. We did ours at Lammas and it's managed 23 years so far. Witnesses were everyone else who happened to be hanging out at the Stone Circle that night. We bought them a pint afterwards. So total 'wedding' expenses about £22.50.

I don't think social media's to blame - or at least, I don't think it started there. Once SM gets involved it probably became a vicious circle, but follow the money. Who benefits from brides thinking they must have £1,500 dresses, seven bridesmaids with groomsmen to match, chair covers and sit-down six course dinners plus favours for 280 of their dearest friends?

So total 'wedding' expenses about £22.50.

Plus whatever it's cost at a solicitors to make sure that you have as much in the way of inheritance/property protection as you can when whoever dies first goes?

All this “bigger the wedding the bigger the divorce” nonsense is just mean spirited claptrap

I divorced my husband because he fucked a prostitute, not because I had 120 people at my wedding.

As it happens, my wedding didn’t have any of the extras being disparaged here - but it’s such an easy jibe to make, whilst being unsubstantiated bollocks.

I think something that possibly influences wedding numbers, is people marrying later, and also more people moving from their home location for economic reasons, and less job security.

When my mum married 50 years ago at 22 years old, she had some friends from home and from work, many of whom were shared already with her husband who worked in the same office. No kids. When I married at 40, both my husband and I had totally separate groups of friends, from multiple jobs and locations - and most had children. That’s not relevant to “I said yes to the dress” fb posts! But I think it does influence the overall size of a wedding in many cases.

All this “bigger the wedding the bigger the divorce” nonsense is just mean spirited claptrap

I think that there is an element of truth in people who lose sight of the point when it becomes all about the fripperies and extras though.

No marriage is better or more valid because there was or wasn’t money spent on it.

And for a lot of people, it seems to be all about the wedding, less about the marriage.

Certainly that was the case for my brother’s first wedding, and having just discovered the “theme” for his latest, it would appear to be the case again.

When you’re spending the value of your house on a wedding, in a castle, and making it about being a princess it’s vacuous and silly.

When I worked for a finance company a woman took out a personal loan to pay for her wedding. Before the loan was repaid she came back to apply for a loan for a divorce, which was declined.

At least if she had bought a car she would have something to show for it!

I don't think "the bigger the wedding" is really talking about how many guests were invited, more about how big the "show" was. One of my friends had about 200 guests in all but the actual wedding wasn't that showy and didn't have heaps of extras, or any bridezilla nonsense. She just had a lot of friends and family. Her marriage is fine.

Another friend though, from school, had a HUGE "show" of a wedding - fewer people but it was in the grounds of a stately home, huge marquee, banquet, very costly wedding dress etc. - marriage lasted a year.

Of course it's not a "given" - but I agree with the general trend that those who consider the event, the wedding day more than the actual marriage, to be the most important thing are more likely to split.

I hate weddings and, luckily, didn't have to go to them for a long time. I think they are very boring and rigid affairs.
I got actually depressed thinking that, for my 2nd wedding, I'll be taken for a mug by every bob, dick and harry, from florist to someone supplying the glasses, that my 8K saved will be gone down the drain, - so we had a very simple 13 guests wedding (just immediate family) in a museum and a pub lunch afterwards. Husband and I split the cost half each and we paid for the guests lunch.

I’ve always hated these things I’m one of those awkward people who feels like a fake doing all this stuff , it’s the rise of celebrity and appearing you have wealth and materialism pretty horrible , everyone wants to portray an air of success or wealth .

My anecdotal experience of weddings, is that the person who had the simplest, cheapest most moving wedding also has the shittest marriage. Been together 20 years, married 10 - she still gets butterflies. Shame he treats her like a total skivvy and sexually assaulted their teenage babysitter and has come on to several of her friends

It’s easy to say show = failed marriage because it sounds like it could make sense.

It also makes sense to say that the kind of couple who are prepared to put huge time, effort and money into a wedding day, are also the kind of couple that put time, effort and money into everything they do - including their marriage!

I still think the comments are mean spirited. I didn’t have personalised anything at my wedding, no bridesmaids, no special hashtag, no photo booth, no flowers or colour scheme. I had an ice cream van and no doubt other things that some might call showy fripperies (bouncy castle?!) though. I can’t think of anything I personally would less like to do when I bought a dress than put a placard on Facebook. But those who do... go for it. Why do other people get their knickers in a twist and predict a short marriage? Each to their own.

It’s not about predicting a short marriage though.

If you want a show, fine, have a show. But expecting everyone else to dance to your tune and give half a shit about your show is the problem.

You see it all the time on here. Me, me, me. Bridesmaids won’t lose weight/dye their hair/do as they’re told, or someone won’t comply with the 7000th demand, or listen to them droning on and on about the wedding for years in advance.

It’s the same with baby showers, gender reveal parties, engagement parties and all the other inconsequential shite that people expect their friends and family to drop everything for.

It’s just attention seeking and twatty.

It’s easy to say show = failed marriage because it sounds like it could make sense

I also think it’s a mean spirited cliche people like to roll out because they’re jealous.

And I didn’t have a big showy wedding because it’s not my style, so I’m not being defensive. I just really hate people denigrating those having big weddings, however “tacky”, and acting like they’re superior and will automatically have a more successful marriage to boot.

Jealous? Of an unsuccessful marriage? Of the probable debt incurred for the "show"?

There are some situations where "they're just jealous hun" is probably accurate but I wouldn't say this is one of them. It tends to be borne from personal experience - the friend/cousin/sister who turned into a complete Bridezilla and was divorced less than two years later.

It’s funny, I think the people declaring that anyone who thinks a big showy day is ridiculous is jealous can’t understand that that isn’t what everyone wants!

The fact that threads on here constantly show these enormous shows cause all kinds of arguments, the cost is often put on to the guests/bridal party and it’s like they’re expecting everyone invited to play a role in their little fantasy day.

But aye, thinking that is ludicrous, pretentious and arrogant means you’re jealous

Eh naw, it means we can’t be arsed being puppets for a daft wee show.

I say on a regular basis that I'm glad we got married when we did 14 years ago. It was a lovely day but we did it in a hotel so no cars, we had a friend of my MIL do our photos so no random pictures walking along the street or in a local park. Actually, that is one of my biggest bugbears of weddings, when the B&G disappear off for ages to do arty photos while everyone sits around with a glass of prosecco waiting for their meal. We just had a few photos taken within the bar area of the hotel (it was pouring down!) so could chat to guests between photos.

We had no chair covers. In fact it didn't occur to me to think about what the chairs looked like! No theme. No blackboards. No bunting. No sweet trolley. No live music. Just a jolly good party!

If I had to get married now, I'm not sure I could cope with all the decisions to be made!

@lyracallie, If you are this hyped already for a wedding in 2020, God knows what state you are going to be in in the month before it!

I think you've highlighted the big difference in opinions here. I could never see the logic in spending so much money, time and effort on one day. It just seems so frivolous.

There's so much more inspiration easily available now.
In '97 when I got married, I had one bridal magazine, visited 3 dress shops, chatted with a couple of colleagues at work, told the florist I like red roses and gypsophila and picked up a 'build your own' celebration cake from the supermarket. It must be hard to know where to draw the line now.

The competition is fierce though now. Since Pinterest, Wedding sites, and FB and all that shite rules our thoughts and choices. Well not all of us, but you know what I mean.

I know myself that low key weddings are fab. Local, nice registry office, nice restaurant, small number of guests and no fripperies.

That is the class act of the future and fk Facebook and all the rest of them.

I didn't mean to upset anyone there. Just a feeling I get, that the wheel will turn soon. Less is often a lot more!

That’s a nasty post. Yet another snob deciding what’s classy and what isn’t. You know that plenty of people who see something they just like on Facebook aren’t in competition with anyone? They just like it.

And plenty of people are getting an economic boost supplying the wedding industry.

So many mean spirited people

I never felt the desire for a white wedding, having been brought up a catholic, did the whole white dress and veil thing twice, first holy communion and confirmation. So over it by the time I got married !

I was not being nasty or mean spirited. Last time I looked anyone can contribute their views here!

Just pointing out that for a long time the bling and bridezilla thing held sway.

Sometimes going your own way and doing something different might be great and buck the received trend!

Weddings are in general according to a formula. So what is wrong with saying that maybe low key non bridezilla, hens, and so on might be the way of the future? Could be a new trend really.

How would it be a new trend when it’s precisely what many people already choose to do?

I think you were mean spirited because you made a value judgement about what weddings were “classy”.

Keep it simple, or go crazy. Neither is more “classy”, which is such ridiculous snobbery. As long as the couple choose what they want and nobody dies, live and live and stop judging.

OP, we were like you. Our wedding was about family and friends. It wasn't the day we thought because of how quick it all was. But it was relaxed, 30 people including us, no separate evening, just 1 reception straight after the ceremony, no formal meal and no seating plan, everyone got a plus 1. Reception was in a pub so people could drink what they wanted (we'd paid of course). Didn't cost us a small fortune. We paid for it ourselves. I said to my bridesmaid that she could wear whatever she wanted, my flower girl had a dance round while we signed the register. And I think the best thing for everyone was after all formalities were done I went to change into my very non bridal reception dress. When everyone saw I'd changed, ladies headwear and jackets came off, 1 even put her fold up flats on, and men removed their jackets and ties, and it was a fun party with drinks and food. Best way we thought.

Two of the loveliest, unfussiest weddings I've ever been to ended in divorce fairly quickly.

I've noticed a correlation between early divorce and people who have some sort of non legally-binding, non-faith ceremony, often very stylised, after a legally-binding registry office wedding, which they loudly consider "not a proper wedding. We don't consider ourselves to be married at all yet."

Nightmare weddings have always existed. Remember when it was the bride's mum who was doing all the histrionics and making everyone's life a misery? When couples started paying for weddings themselves, we thought we'd got rid of that, but it just grew another head and carried on in the form of the bridezilla.

Childfree weddings have also always been about. My brother and I rarely attended weddings with our parents as children. We stayed with our auntie or our godparents up the road. It was great - sleepovers with cousins or our friends.

DB has been invited to a very formal, Catholic (so long) wedding soon. He loves the fact that it's childfree so he can miss the ceremony and stay with their tiny DD.