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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old taking 12 year old on 4 trains aibu?

403 replies

lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 20:36

Without asking me,.my DH, Mil and 18 year old daughter have organised for the 18 year old to take my 12 year old daughter to Lincolnshire on their own. We live on West Sussex. This involves a long journey of 4 trains, including underground across London. I must stress DH isn't.going with them and I have not.been asked. I don't even know which station they'll.be picked up from. I have been given no information. They have already bought the tickets. What can I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 07:31

Oh thank you that's the most helpful comment thus far x

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 07:40

What is? That they don’t have to go on the tube? Despite the fact that the tickets have already been booked and both your children and their father are happy with it?

Don’t be silly.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/08/2018 07:51

FGS let them take the tube, back off a bit, sorry a lot!! Has the 18 year old never left Chichester?

stayathomer · 22/08/2018 07:52

yanbu If your family know you worry about this sort of thing they were a bit cowardly in planning this without putting your fears to rest first. To the people who travelled to such and such when they were x age, there are some children who are less streetwise either because of their parents or that's just the way they are. As said above, just have phones with both (even if 12yo doesn't have one, maybe try to get hold of one for the trip from a relative or something as you'll need yours) but try to remember this will be an adventure for them. I understand your worries and totally empathise but they will be fine. Tbh mil could have arranged to meet them halfway or something if you think she was capable of doing that but some people are all about the life experiences and seem to think teens should get to experience the whole thing (I'm looking forward to loads of similar issues with in laws when the kids are older, they're already saying when they were 9/10 they were allowed take buses on their own, go into town etc)

theblessedDJ · 22/08/2018 07:52

They really don't need picking up at Doncaster, the train from Doncaster to Cleethorpes is the easiest bit of transport in the world. You literally find the platform (it's one of 8 so not a big station), get on the train and stay on it until the bitter end. MIL would have to drive just over an hour each way on the motorway.

Thelastredwinegum · 22/08/2018 07:53

I'm pleased OP recognises Cleethorpes is in Lincolnshire and not sodding Humberside .

Hope they have a great time.

OrchidInTheSun · 22/08/2018 07:57

The tube journey is Victoria to KX. No changes, about 5 stops, will take about 15 mins. It's easy.

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 08:05

“Tbh mil could have arranged to meet them halfway or something“

You have noticed that one of these “children” is 18 years old?

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 22/08/2018 08:05

But they don't need to be streetwise, they aren't GOING on the bloody streets. All they have to do is get on and off trains, in a transparent, extremely well mapped, signposted, and policed system, in a language they speak, in their own country. Any NT 18yo who couldn't manage that while supervising a 12yo is the victim of severe learned helplessness from parental overinvolvement. The majority of NT 12yos would manage it alone just fine.

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 08:14

The OP misjudged this. She should have started by talking about how awful her mil is. She would have got a million posters agreeing that of course 25 year olds shouldn’t be allowed to go to the local Tesco unsupervised. Grin

witchofzog · 22/08/2018 08:21

The journey from doncaster to Cleethorpesl as said before is a lot more simple than the drive. Some people actually have their own dc's at 18 and are in charge of small babies! I was catching tubes alone at 13 and it was fine! You need to make sure you do not pass this worry onto your daughters as it will be a fantastic adventure for them. Just tell them what to do if they do get separated and wish them a lovely journey. The tube bit will be over and done with in a flash anyway

JassyRadlett · 22/08/2018 08:24

The only place I have ever been in the world where no one will help you with luggage!!!

I agree with the PP, I’ve always had lots of offers of help particularly with the pushchair but also if I’ve been obviously struggling.

What help have you needed with luggage? Was yours too heavy, or too many pieces for you to manage on the stairs?

OP, you’ve already accepted YABU, I think. The thing to remember is that this is a really, really easy journey. Easy trip into Victoria, then getting on the tube at Victoria is really straightforward. Vic - KX is one of the simplest tube journeys in the world. Kings Cross is a really lovely station. And Doncaster is a really simple station to change at -probably easier to change there than to try to find someone to be picked up!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 22/08/2018 08:25

I would not be adding any more trains into the mix to avoid the underground, you're just adding to the chance of missing a connection. The tube is (mostly) reliable, fast and easy. If you go the wrong way, you soon realise at the next stop, get off and go back the other way (we've all done it, even seasoned commuters!).

I get that terrorist activity is frightening. I flew 4 days after 9/11 and was on the Piccadilly line on 7/7 (about 20mins behind the train with the bomb). As I exited at Westminster, someone shouted there was a bomb and people stampeded up the stairs. What I've learnt from that with 9yo DD is for her to be confident in what to do when things go a bit wrong, not to avoid situations.

I would ensure the 18yo has a plan for if they get separated and for her to discuss that with the 12yo, and that the 12yo has in her possession; a phone, tickets, some cash, a list of phone numbers in case of a dead battery. Get them a battery booster for them too, they'll love you for it.

They really don't need to rush to get the tube, they can wait for a less busy train and get on without getting separated. There is no need to squeeze on as the doors are closing.

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 08:26

Back in the bad old days I always travelled In a floaty skirt and a hat. Never carried my own bags. Grin

JamPasty · 22/08/2018 08:27

Seriously OP, I get that the July 7th bombings really shook you up, but you're not being realistic. The tube is full of commuters, kids, families and tourists. And the tube staff. It's a heck of a lot nicer than many overland stations and no risk whatsoever to an 18 and 12 year old. Yes it may make you nervous, but you have to let them live their lives unhindered by your fears.

LokiBear · 22/08/2018 08:32

At 18 I took my then 10 year old brother everywhere with me. He was my little shadow. He came to stay with me for a week whilst I was at uni and he was on school holidays. Your kids will be fine. Work out a contingency plan with your eldest. Ask them to text when they get on their trains. Have a chat with your little one about being sensible and doing as their sister says. They will both be fine.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 08:41

Thank you to the people.being supportive. It annoys me she's saying shell struggle to get to my eldest daughters weddy yet is happy for my two to do this long train journey. She's a very selfish woman, which j is why I can't stand her.

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Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 08:42

*wedding

OP posts:
Donthugmeimscared · 22/08/2018 08:42

I don't see the problem my mum had me and my sister by the age of 18 and at 18 I was taking my db who was 12 at the time out on my motorbike. As long as there are no additional needs I can't see the harm. I can understand being a bit nervous as a parent about it.

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 08:44

Lily- what do you want her to do? In an ideal world?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 08:44

To.explain: eldest daughter, 24, is.getting married and MIL has said she will 'do her best' to go, which means she might not. Is happy for my two younger daughters to do this massive trip though.

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PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/08/2018 08:45

It depends. Will the 12yo do as the 18yo says? I won't be giving DD the responsibility when she's 18, because DS2 has no respect for her.

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 08:45

What do you want her to do?

SoyDora · 22/08/2018 08:45

Do your daughters want to go?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 08:46

I would have liked her to consult me out of respect as I am the children's mother and to reassure me that.she. has made proper arrangements to meet them at the other end.

OP posts: