18 year old taking 12 year old on 4 trains aibu?

[lilypoppet]

Without asking me,.my DH, Mil and 18 year old daughter have organised for the 18 year old to take my 12 year old daughter to Lincolnshire on their own. We live on West Sussex. This involves a long journey of 4 trains, including underground across London. I must stress DH isn't.going with them and I have not.been asked. I don't even know which station they'll.be picked up from. I have been given no information. They have already bought the tickets. What can I do?

“Bertrand I suppose consult equals discuss”

Don’t even see why that should happen. The father and the 18 year old organized it.

I used to take the train to my grandparents on my own at 13. 2 trains 150 miles. Often a wait if half hour or more between trains. Why would you worry about her going with an adult?

What you can do is give them £20 for lunch in London when they change trains. It’s a non issue. I say this as a West Sussex resident whose children went abroad alone from 13 years.

I'd say there are as many nutters in Lincolnshire as on the tube actually!

This is a really good point. If it's nutters you're worried about, I wouldn't be letting them go anywhere near Cleethorpes! 😮

@toothtruth

What is this face recognition / scanning you speak of?

MIL never visits us. She has made it clear she wants us to go to her.

Does she know you won't go? Probably explains it

I was doing 3 different trains journey at 18 regularly, for college. They'll be fine.

When my sister was 19, she took DS away with her for New Year, just the two of them, on the other side of the country. He was 9. It didn't occur to me to worry, she was a responsible adult and he was really excited to spend time alone with his auntie.

Just get them to agree what they will do if they do get separated and their phones don't work

Eg the younger one stays exactly where she is and the older one comes back to find her. If it's crowded enough that they might realistically get separated, the tubes will be running every couple of minutes so they will be reunited quickly enough

Make sure they have their own tickets and in a separate pocket they should also have written down the places where they are changing, important phone numbers, a £20 note and a handful of change

I think that sounds like a great experience for a 12 year old and a nice way for the two of them to spend some time together, assuming they generally get on OK. Even if they don't, I can't see the problem with the journey unless one of them is likely to leave the other because they fall out. It's on the public transport network. There are people all over. Phones will work at almost all stations. If they go wrong they can look at maps, ask questions and work it out. They'll be safer than if one of you drove them there in a car.

As pp just said, agree a strategy for if they get separated. Does the 12 year old have a phone? They are certainly old enough to make this journey.

You said that you "hate MIL with a passion". It's hardly surprising that she doesn't want to visit you, is it?

You need to grow up.

Claire - you're right about London 8 and 9 year olds using the Tube alone with confidence.

This is bonkers! At 12 I would have (and did) similar journeys completely alone. That was in the pre-smart phone days so I just had to get the correct trains and seta time to meet my GM at the other end. What on earth could your MIL do to make it easier? Travel all the way there to eat them and then go back again with them both? That would be ridiculous, and FWIW I was living in another country by 18 and have lived to tell the tale. You need to get a handle on your anxiety OP, or else you’ll destroy your kids’ confidence in their abilitiy to do perfectly normal stuff. Or else get a grip on your seemingly irrational hatred of your MIL, which is also unhealthy. She doesn’t make something really easy, easier? FFS. Additionally, the fact that your DH won’t have a conversation with you is your biggest problem here. The train is nothing, just totally nothing, but the fact that they won’t discuss it with you is odd.

*greet not eat.... !

Train from Doncaster to Cleethorpes is a lot easier and safer than the sodding M180/A180!

Plus Cleethorpes is the end of the line so once they're on the train they just stay on it.

Lilypoppet
I was at Liverpool Street for 7/7 was told to leave as we got off the train and my office wss inside the cordon and not allowed to leave .
My dc have bern using tube in london by themselves since 15/16. Getting trains to school from yr 7 and going up to my DMs in Norfolk by train together when they were 14 and 16.
I see no issue with an 18 taking a 12 year old.

Sounds like OP's main objective is to foil the visit. No wonder she was excluded frpm the planning.

I just can’t with this. I feel like we’re being trolled.

Star , yes, seriously! Buggies in particular. Luggage if it is an older person more likely. I see it all the time, I have helped older people with luggage, and always lend a hand with a buggy if I am tne first person to arrive at the steps as the buggy user is preparing to go up. I see it happening as normal.

Is this deliberate OP?
To not respond to any posts.
Really fucking rude. Basically.
Your 3 or 4 posts haven't actually responded to any of the questions.
Your anxiety and detachment make you appear unhinged.
Very odd thread.

They will be ok!
Let them explore and have an adventure,
You can't keep them in bubble wrap forever ones an adult and the other will gain basic life skills of travelling on transport.
I'm sure they will be contactable by mobile IF an emergency was to arise.

Breathe they will be ok x

Ah, so the 7/7 is clearly the problem here. That must have been very scary for you, OP. I completely understand why you would be worried and have anxiety over it. But please try to make sure your fear of this doesn't rub off on to your children. I think you need to get some professional help to talk through your anxieties as it's still affecting you. YANBU, you're just a worried parent who has experienced something awful.

They don't even have to do the tube. Can change at Three Bridges to a Bedford train that goes via Kings Cross. That negates the need for any underground travel.