To think I can wear what I want in my own house?

[Practicallyperfectwithprosecco]

New neighbours and I think they might be slightly mad.

Few weeks ago she complained about me and oldest dd being in the garden wearing bikinis ( not even teeny bikinis ) as she has a husband and a teenage son and they might see us. I tried hard to make sure if I was out there sunbathing I was away from her garden and moved the kids pool so it would be harder for them to be seen from their fence. ( - the only way they can see in to our garden is when on trampoline, their raised patio or looking out of upstairs window)

This morning I was cleaning kitchen in my pjs (vest and shorts so not revealing) dd was stood by open patio doors chatting to me in shorts and a crop top she sleeps in. Next thing mrs next door is banging on my front door telling me I'm continuing to disrespect her and her family by the provocative way we dress! If we continue to flaunt ourselves she will be complaining to my husband!

I wasn't quite sure what to say - I suggested she maybe wanted to refrain from looking into my house over her fence if we were upsetting her.

She is totally unhinged!

Really? Fun thread but there is little enough in this to make a newspaper article out of.

That little is obviously more than enough for them 😂

I’d have to take up naked yoga! I love that! They are simply mad! Tell them to bugger off lol!

I wonder if Mrs Next Door BusyBody belongs to some bizarre and backward religious sect? She definitely believes she has the right to dictate how you dress in and around your own home and (astonishingly) she also has the right to tell your husband to exert his authority as some kind of Victorian Master-Of-The-House and reprimand you for the way you dress!

If she does I sincerely hope your husband will laugh in her face after he's told her to knob off......

ToPlanZ has it spot on. Next time she makes a batshit complaint tell her that women can wear what they like in this country and men can mind their own business.

I'm on holiday atm. Went onto balcony last night to hang towel up and a man in tidy whiteys walked right towards me in the apartment opposite. Not much left to my imagination after that 🙈

Will I go and tell him he offended me?

No! But I've done a careful scan of the view every time I've gone out since 😂😂

She needs screens for her garden. Huge ones, possibly with noise-dampening. And maybe a lid. And blinkers for her menfolk. And a shock collar for their dick, in case they have any uncontrolled impulses.
Or they need to move to a remote location with a more god-fearing community.

Sounds like a bunny boiler type with extreme jealousy issues! Have you told your husband yet? LOL

Please wear this 😂😭

Few helpful suggestions for the song list:

System of a Down: Bounce, Violent Pornography
Salt N Pepa: Let's Talk about Sex
Inner Circle: Sweat

If I had a neighbour who seemed unnaturally anxious about her husband and son seeing an inch of flesh, I'd take that as possibly a warning that one of them might have given her reason to think he could be a predator (hence her thinking that he mustn't be tempted)
100% wrong. If someone has a problem seeing normal human skin then they need to move to a place such as deep in the country where they won't see their neighbours. They also need to seek psychiatric help.

OP, next time your batshit neighbour brings up the subject, tell her that if her family members have difficulty controlling themselves around female skin, they need to seek psychiatric help for their impure thoughts.

2 for the playlist.
'Whole lotta Rosie'
'Highway to Hell' AC/DC
will get the party rocking😀

How about adding Pussy by Rammstein to the playlist.

You need to play anything by Prince especially Darling Nikki

I knew a girl named Nikki
I guess you could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby
Masturbating with a magazine
She said "How'd you like to waste some time?"
And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind

You need Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus

Oh, and Melanie Martinez. Lots of Melanie Martinez.

Closer by Nine Inch Nails will get her nodding along.

Given the clothes she was described as wearing, I would go with Pentecostal. Certainly when we lived in an area with a large Nigerian community, who wore similar dresses and headscarves, the predominant religion was Pentecostal. Pretty old-school, hell, fire and brimstone, speaking in tongues..that sort of thing. But I don’t remember our neighbour ever being rude. Although she probably thought I was past redemption as we weren’t married, and I walked around in shorts.

Come back OP, we need an update.

OP, I'm itching for an update - pleaase!!!

I think they are Nigerian ( old neighbours did say who was moving in) she wears traditional dress a lot of time and covers her head with fancy turbany type scarves. Him and kids wear normal clothes but their 2 daughters are very conservatively dressed compared to my girls. No skinny jeans and vest tops for them.

If this is the case then it would appear they are trying to impose their cultural norms on you - just not on! You come to the UK, you accept the norms of the host culture. This seems to be further exemplified in their perception that your husband is the ruler of your household.

I had an incidence of this nature a few years back, at our old house. I had tried to complain to a Turkish neighbour ( three doors down) that his barking dog was keeping me awake all night. Having given up hope of his actually answering the door to me, I put a note through asking him if he could keep the dog indoors at night, as it was in the garden barking all night long.

On receipt of my note, he banged on my door, complaining about my note. When he told me that he did not want to speak to me, only my husband, I completely lost it. It was like a scene from EastEnders. I chased him down the road, effing and blinding - God knows what the passers-by across the street made of it.

"Just how dare you?", would be my attitude. I admire you for dealing with this with good humour. I'd have completely lost it by now.

I am to sexy!
I want your sex:)
Stripper by T-Pain

So many good songs to play!

@MawkishTwaddle

Closer by Nine Inch Nails will get her nodding along.

My friend at school (where we work) asked over Facebook for songs she didn't know to make a playlist to listen and relax to during overtime. I suggested this and forgot about it. She added it to the playlist and was listening to the CD in the classroom (after the kids had gone) and was partway through it before she realised what the lyrics were. She nearly died of embarrassment, I nearly died laughing!

Sorry for delay in update - busy weekend. Party was hilarious lots of squealing teenage girls - music not as extreme as some of your suggestions but loud with the occasional swear word / sexual reference.

Trampoline was used but they weren't wearing bikinis at the time. Party started at 2 and by 8 the girls all came inside as they got cold.

We had complaints about the dreadful noise and outrageous behaviour- how can we let children behave like that. ( complaints were to DH not me - he helpfully suggested she could just pray for their souls )

She then complained about the bbq I did offer her a burger but she declined.

Doors and windows were slammed closed and there were raised voices in a conversation with her husband unfortunately it was in her home language but I'm guessing it might have been about her dreadful neighbours.

It wasn't even 7pm when her husband was sent round to ask when the party would stop DH pointed him the direction of 101 and said he was sure they would love a complaint about a children's party stuck a sausage in his hand and firmly shut the door.

We had revenge drilling yesterday morning before 8am - however it didn't disturb us as we were all awake ( including dd and friends ).

I will post further updates on the batshit crazy neighbours as they happen!

Oh wow OP, sounds like a fun time.

Keep on the right side always though, don't want batshit crazies twisting your actions on you x