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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be depressed at Christmas alone

131 replies

igdeaem · 20/08/2018 11:13

Already, I know.

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 20/08/2018 13:18

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kirta · 20/08/2018 13:19

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Original poster
igdeaem · 20/08/2018 13:20

I can’t think of any forum where Claire would be welcomed but I could be wrong!

I’ll be OK. Just thinking out loud.

OP posts:
RayneDance · 20/08/2018 13:20

It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the adverts.

PenelopeFlintstone · 20/08/2018 13:25

I've seen lots of Clairetree's posts but I've not thought them particularly negative.

SnuggyBuggy · 20/08/2018 13:26

Adverts are grim. I also think the endless mothers day adverts are upsetting for women in various fertility/bereavement situations.

PenelopeFlintstone · 20/08/2018 13:26

I agree with that RayneDance. We need to ignore the hype, and I think that's what Clairetree meant too.

HollyGibney · 20/08/2018 13:29

The thing is everyone can offer advice and try to make it sound like a treat but I know for myself I am offering from a position of having family to spend Christmas with. Also for one Christmas then sure, nice food, movies, nice bottle of wine etc is nice enough. Must get pretty grinding though if you're alone a lot of the time already and Christmas is just yet another day of it but with added "Christmas is all about family and parties" messages rammed down your throat. That's why it's mean to tell people they're being ridiculous and it isn't a real problem. I have a dog and wouldn't be without him so even when my kids are away I am never really alone. I know dogs don't suit everyone but mine sure has improved my life get a dog OP Wink

SneakyGremlins · 20/08/2018 13:29

Nike That'll be me certainly even if not OP Grin

BarefootHippieChick · 20/08/2018 13:33

In reality, I think very few people actually have a Christmas like the ones on adverts. Maybe if advertisers were more honest it would make us all feel better about our own Christmas not being 'perfect'.

Jb291 · 20/08/2018 13:33

I can highly recommend booking yourself a lovely cottage mini break somewhere in the uk. Midnight mass or a carol service on Christmas Eve. Go for Christmas lunch at a nice local restaurant and go for a long walk afterwards then curl up wth a book or tv in front of a roaring fireplace or wood burner in the evening. Somewhere rural with easy access to good walking trails and gorgeous scenic views. It's a breath of fresh air away from the commercialism and really helps to clear the head.

ShatnersWig · 20/08/2018 13:34

OP Thanks for the flowers. See, @Clairetree, some of us may have reasons for finding Christmas difficult but you couldn't give a shit. Lots of people find anniversaries of someone dying difficult although over time it becomes easier. However, if you've had one really appalling Christmas it tends to taint all of them for quite a while afterwards. If you've sat by the bed of your best friend who went into hospital for an operation due to cancer, and they couldn't stem some internal bleeding, and that friend went into a coma and you sat there with them for a few days and they died on Xmas Eve, for example. And when you go to their house a few days later you find all the Christmas presents on their dining room table for their friends and letters because they had a feeling something might not work out. Imagine what that Christmas was like? You spend the next few Christmasses just remembering that. Everyone else surrounding you laughing and having fun when that's the last thing you feel like. That's what happened in my case a few years ago, so fuck you quite frankly.

OP I know what you mean about volunteering. I already do some volunteering and work for a charity and part of my job entails working with other volunteers. So, really, it would be just a bit more of the same. I'm also with you about holidays on your own.

misspops · 20/08/2018 13:35

One year I went on a cheap holiday over Christmas with my sister to Morocco, it was perfect as neither of us had had a good year and our family is disfunctional and don’t really celebrate. We paid £199 each half board and it was a decent hotel. I also echo volunteering. This year I want to go away on my own but can’t afford it - I might just pretend it’s another day and catch up on tv programmes I’ve not been able to watch all year !

SneakyGremlins · 20/08/2018 13:38

Jb291 That sounds amazing!

ilovesooty · 20/08/2018 13:39

Shatners Flowers

CrossFlannelCherry · 20/08/2018 13:45

go for a walk in a park nearby or book yourself Christmas lunch in a pub I'm not sure that would help. Surely it would only exacerbate OP's feelings of loneliness, seeing families in the park and eating alone in a pub full of families celebrating together? OP perhaps you could make a suggestion on your town's Facebook page for people in your situation to get together for Christmas lunch. If you do it now you have time to book a table or two in a local pub. Perhaps suggest lunch and a walk? Just reading the comments on here it's clear that there are plenty of others in your situation so it may be worth a shot.

ShatnersWig · 20/08/2018 14:17

@ilovesooty Thanks. It's my issue, well aware of that but just hacked me off to see certain poster show no empathy to the OP or, potentially, anyone else in the same boat. Shouldn't have risen to her bait having seen her play that game before.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 20/08/2018 14:33

Don't understand all the hate for Claire on this thread at all. It's ironic that you're all tearing her to pieces for lacking empathy, being miserable... but are the rest of you all real life bullies?? Leave the poor woman alone.

HollyGibney · 20/08/2018 14:42

but are the rest of you all real life bullies?

Nope. Do an AS of my posts and see if I make a habit of "bullying" anyone. I've seen Claire bitchplop many times and express some pretty hurtful and ignorant views so I said so, seemingly others did too and said so. Live by the sword and all that...

buttermilkwaffles · 20/08/2018 14:42

I have spent Christmas alone every year for more than a decade, I don't think YABU as I still dislike/dread that time of year, mainly for that reason. It's all very well to say ignore the hype - but in reality it's almost impossible to do that - shops full of Christmas goods and Christmas music, internet, papers, mags and TV full of Xmas ads, everybody at work going on about it.....

I would agree that volunteering can be a good idea eg helping to cook/serve a Christmas dinner for homeless (and puts things into perspective). Going away also helps - even just if in the UK, when younger I went to the Lake District one year and London another and stayed in YHA hostels so not expensive. Can be expensive to fly abroad at that time of year though.

But it is one day, which soon passes so you can also treat it as a normal day at home (maybe with some nicer/posher food and wine than usual, I never bother with turkey and other Xmas food though - don't even particularly like turkey). Binge watch Netflix or whatever. Works for me (to an extent - still feel happier/relieved once it's over though).

HolyMountain · 20/08/2018 15:13

I don’t think anyone set out to ‘bully’ Claire but to defend the OP who is worried about Christmas alone.

If Claire is happy to berate someone who might be mentally fragile then I’m sure she can cope with posters’ comments telling her she’s harsh.

PinkLady01 · 20/08/2018 15:20

I’m going to be alone at Christmas this year and I’ve already planned to volunteer. Why would you waste the day at home feeling sorry for yourself and moaning about it when you could be helping other people?

Needsleepneedsleep · 20/08/2018 15:25

Don't feed the troll...aka clairetree01

mirialis · 20/08/2018 16:11

For everyone who says "volunteer to help other people"... not all Christmas volunteering options are the same it would seem - I've done it twice and both times the place was overstaffed with people who were there in an attempt "not to feel sorry for themselves" and "to help people" and actually there was quite a lot of sitting around not helping people and therefore plenty of time to not only feel sorry for yourself but also pretty depressed about the world in general! I tried to warn a friend not to do it (same place) for his first Christmas alone but he fobbed me off and then later admitted it made him feel worse. Guess it depends on where/what you are doing.

Womaningreen · 20/08/2018 17:51

I find it really interesting that volunteer places are overrun at Xmas

kind of like proof that so many people find it a tough time and there's no need

I don't know how we got to the point of obsessing about it in a cultural "FAMBLEEE" way (that was my Peggy Mitchell voice).

As well as remembering when it was short, I also remember that the local pub was open even up to when I was a teenager. No longer any pubs open on the day where i live or where mum lives.

If it's any use OP I guess there might be a chat thread on the day? Maybe I'll start one. I don't know what I'll be doing but my mum can't do anything anyway really so if I'm there it will just be a regular day. She is ill and I suspect won't fancy fake jollity either.