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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't agree this is victim blaming

441 replies

TeeJay1970 · 19/08/2018 15:29

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-45232993

I know what victim blaming is so there is no need to define it for me.

Surely this is just good advice?

The police have had to apologise for encouraging

"friends to look after each other on a night out to prevent someone becoming vulnerable or separated from the group"

Isn't that what good friends do?

OP posts:
Rufustheyawningreindeer · 21/08/2018 17:35

Its the way you are saying it

For goodness sake...this is why no one understands me

Any nanny i think on this one we will have to agree to disagree

larrygrylls · 21/08/2018 17:50

I am not sure of the real relevance of the strangers vs previous partners. I suspect previous partners are more probable just because of opportunity.

However it is a probabilistic argument. As soon as a woman makes a rape allegation to police, the probability probably goes to 90-95% that the alleged rapist is a rapist as the vast majority of women do not lie.

The fact, however, that the vast majority of accidents happen in the home is not an argument against road safety.

BertrandRussell · 21/08/2018 17:57

Introducing strangers on a thread like this is a red herring to distract those of us who are prepared to accept the fact that for some of us the men having non consensual sex are our much loved sons, brothers, fathers and partners.

larrygrylls · 21/08/2018 18:01

Bertrand,

This thread is about the appropriateness of police advice to women about the danger from strangers.

Whatever your perspective on the advice, discussing the subject of a thread is not a red herring, quite the opposite in fact.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 21/08/2018 18:03

I suspect previous partners are more probable just because of opportunity

Thats what i would have thought...and it would probably be harder to get help/report

FlipnTwist · 21/08/2018 18:17

There's a rhyme I can't quite remember, I think its about sailing, which ends 'he'just as dead now as if he'd been wrong.It's about someone who gets hit by a ship standing up for his right of way .
I think that is applicable here.Of course it is ALWAYS the rapist's fault.AWAYS. But preventin being raped is the most important thing.Sensible precautions and women's rights are not mutually exclusive i don't think.

JAPAB · 21/08/2018 18:24

OP, I would agree that safety advice is not victim blaming.

But you cannot stop people from bringing their own inferences/prejudices to things.

There will always be some who will interpret any advice as carrying with it an implication that 'and if you do not heed this and something happens, then you are partly to blame'.

birdsdestiny · 21/08/2018 18:36

Also the other problem is the strategy is not particularly effective. Women have been told to be careful since forever. 1 in 5 women are raped. It's not working brilliantly is it.

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 21/08/2018 18:39

Introducing strangers on a thread like this is a red herring to distract those of us who are prepared to accept the fact that for some of us the men having non consensual sex are our much loved sons, brothers, fathers and partners.

How can the topic of the bloody thread be a red herring? If you can accept "the men having non consensual sex are our much loved sons, brothers, fathers and partners" why cant you accept that some of those same men are often the same opportunistic strangers who are having non consensual sex ie raping inebriated and vulnerable women they only met in a bar that night?

See, that's what the police advisory and this thread were all about until you and a few others derailed it.

BertrandRussell · 21/08/2018 19:01

“why cant you accept that some of those same men are often the same opportunistic strangers who are having non consensual sex ie raping inebriated and vulnerable women they only met in a bar that night? ”

Of course I can. The problem is that the majority of rapes are not committed by opportunistic strangers. And it is dangerous to perpetuate the myth that they are.

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 21/08/2018 19:10

No, Bertrand the problem is you can't let your pet hobbyhorse go and stick to the topic at hand which, again, is the police advisory and whether or not it's victim-blaming.

Lizzie48 · 21/08/2018 19:15

Also the other problem is the strategy is not particularly effective. Women have been told to be careful since forever. 1 in 5 women are raped. It's not working brilliantly is it.

This with bells on. This advice will do nothing to reduce the numbers of rapes. It's a waste of time and also highly patronising. Hmm

BertrandRussell · 21/08/2018 19:42

Oh that's easy. Yes of course it's victim blaming.

JAPAB · 21/08/2018 20:12

Also the other problem is the strategy is not particularly effective. Women have been told to be careful since forever. 1 in 5 women are raped. It's not working brilliantly is it.

No-one expects crime-avoidance advice to eliminate the crime, just reduce the instances of it to some degree. And there are those who might think that even if only a handful of rapes were avoided by warning about the risks of drink-spiking say, then it is worth it just for that handful.

birdsdestiny · 21/08/2018 20:32

I don't believe it does though. I don't think rapists give up.

AngelsSins · 22/08/2018 11:50

I feel you don’t think there is any sniff of victim blaming in this, can you tell me why this “advice” is only ever given to women, and never to men who are actually at a higher risk of being attacked in the street?

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