Mother encouraging her child to scream in restaurant

[user1485342611]

I was in a restaurant and a mother with a baby aged about 10-12 months and in a high chair were at a table near us. The baby was playing happily with a plastic toy when the mother suddenly dropped her spoon on the floor. He thought it was funny and gave a happy squeal. So the mum kept pretending to drop the spoon to make him laugh. The problem was that each time the laugh got more and more high pitched and in the end he was literally screaming with excitement every time she went to 'drop' the spoon.

This went on for ages and people were turning around and giving her annoyed looks and two women at the table beside them moved away.

AIBU to think she was being really inconsiderate and that this went beyond just a bit of happy playing and strayed into noisy and disruptive behaviour (from the mum, obviously, not the baby).

But others were getting the (rather dubious) benefit, Mairy, because it was in a crowded restaurant.
That’s the whole point. They didn’t want the performance, but couldn’t avoid it because some selfish fucker went to a restaurant and treated it as soft play.

People with that degree of self absorption rarely respond reasonably to having the fact that they’re a pain in the arse pointed out to them, Strongmummy.
Look at this thread!

I never said I did it all day long. A child is a tiny person who deserves human interaction at home, at the Park, even, heaven forbid when eating meals! Surely ignoring the child would be distressing and create even more fuss!

Re the ops comment about receiving abuse for speaking up about something bothering them, with the greatest of respect I can't be responsible for someone not speaking up if my behaviour were distressing and someone spoke reasonably to me of course I'd be considerate but that hasn't been my experience.

This is what's called a difference of opinion, I happen to think it's ok, others don't and that's just fine. If I'm irritated by something it's my choice to continue to be irritated or do something about it.

For example, I was irritated by people in the cinema using phones throughout the film.
I didn't passive aggressively post online about it, I spoke to an employee and the matter was resolved.

But surely Pinkunicorn most people would have a basic understanding of what is reasonable and considerate in a public space? It shouldn't have to be pointed out to them.

Also, a lot of people react to polite requests to stop doing something with rudeness, defensiveness or a sneery belittling attitude. That is what I encountered recently when I asked a few dog. owners in a park to please put their dogs on a lead, as per the sign. They just didn't care and obviously thought I was being ridiculous to ask. So no, I didn't feel like approaching this woman, who had already demonstrated a lack of manners and self awareness.

I do find my actions reasonable, that's my point.

I am sorry you've had that experience though and don't feel able to speak up.

There is a big difference between interacting pleasantly with your child, and putting on a ridiculous show for the benefit of others because you are SUCH A FAB PARENT. The latter is what too many parents do - i even saw it with a grandmother the other day! Dropping the spoon a couple of times or to stop a screaming child would’ve been fine. Repeatedly doing it to look like a wonderful and doting mother is bullshit.

But others were getting the (rather dubious) benefit, Mairy, because it was in a crowded restaurant.

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Depends on the restaurant, surely? Some are louder and less formal than others.

Also performance parenting must need some element more than just other people seeing you parent. Just because I'm parenting in view of other people doesn't mean I want them to have any particular reaction to it (beyond ensuring I was behaving appropriately to the surroundings - as I said before I think it's context dependent).

Don't get me wrong, some people are performance parents and some people are miserable bastards. Hard to tell in this situatuon without being there.

Really, pinkunicorn, phones in the cinema annoyed you enough to complain, but performing like a kid’s TV presenter in a restaurant you feel is utterly reasonable?

I wouldn’t have any reaction to it unless it was loud enough to be annoying, Mairy
I’m not interested in your performance until it threatens to drown me out.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

I'm with pink unicorns on phones in the cinema. Really distracting if it's close to you. Why can't people just watch a film?!

I agree, actually. But you have to accept that others may view your screeching toddler in much the same way.

My point was it's not "performance parenting" unless the parent is seeking some particular reaction. Just being loud isn't necessarily the same thing.

Sorry this would annoy the hell out of me...think of others people ..you find it adorable everyone else wants to kill your arse

mairyhole Why are you a 'miserable bastard' because you expect other cinema goers to show a bit of basic consideration and cop on?

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar clearly there's no in between for you. There's a difference between interacting with a child, causing laughter and kids tv presenter.

Who's to say the parent in this scenario wasn't just playing with her child, that's certainly how it reads to me. The only person who knows what was going on is the OP and her opinion is skewed by her own irritation.

Of course there will be polarised opinion and for me there isn't a clear cut right and wrong. I feel my behaviour is reasonable. If I were approached for whatever reason and asked to keep the noise down I would be considerate of the request.

What there is, is an opportunity to take personal responsibility and speak up if something bothers you. The op did not feel able to speak up in this instance, that doesn't make the other parent inherently bad or inconsiderate.

@iamagreyhound.....hmmmmm......you could be right. I’m just a mouthy cow and tell her to shut it 🤣

Mother encouraging her child to scream in restaurant

The thread title is a bit drama, isn't it?

I agree, I think it would depend on the environment, if it as a child friendly venue, then it would be a bit annoying for this to happen for a few minutes but nothing to loose my shit over.

I have to disagree I love nothing more than hearing children enjoying life when out and about. Better than them being ignored. We have moved past the days of children are to be seen and not heard.

Although In saying that, I did ask for my food to be wrapped and left a restaurant yesterday before our food even arrived as my LG was having massive meltdowns. But that was crying and screaming in bad temper as she just wanted to run around.

I think it it's happy noises and delightful squealing I can't get enough of it. It brings a smile to my face and a good feel feeling. (Any baby not just mine)

SoozC Sun 19-Aug-18 16:19:34

I wear hearing aids too, anything too high-pitched (which I can hear better than low noises) can cause my aids to feedback. My DH has commented sometimes when I wince that even he could hear the feedback in my ear, so it's loud!

Same here, the feedback in the hearing aids can occasionally be so bad because of high pitched noises that I've almost been in tears, and have been left with headaches at times.

And for all those who insist on loud interactions with their babies, there are ways of interacting with babies that don't involve encouraging them to squeal and annoy others. Been there, etc.

I'm not stopping people having fun with their babies, I'm simply saying have consideration for others as well.

If her baby was crying/screaming in boredom people will bitch. Happy screaming laughing people will bitch.

A child desperately trying to get Mum’s attention but she’s too busy buried in her phone to look up/speak to her toddler. For about 40 minutes. No interaction at all.
That child would have loved the dropped spoon game
And that is relevant to a parent being loud and inconsiderate how??

I don't get this take on threads like this.
Person 1 - mentions being irritated by loud children and parents in a place that's not appropriate for loud play

Person 2, 3 etc largely agree

Person 8 - so people with children shouldn't leave the house then?

More people largely agree that basic manners and consideration aren't a huge ask

Person 12 - well it's better to be playing with their child. Surely it's nicer than ignoring your child and giving them no trace of human interaction because you're busy playing on your phone

Meanwhile most posters entirely understand that there is a totally reasonable level of interaction between people in public places that is considerate of others.

@Strongmummy, it would really depend what sort of a day I (or if I was with my nephew, he) was having: sometimes I feel a bit fighty and willing to take on the world, but most of the time I'd cancel my order and bog off, because I don't like confrontation, and my nephew even less so.

None of which is helpful, I suppose.

I wouldn't be bothered by any of it - If the mother didn't even notice people from the next table 'harrummph' and move away then she was probably delirious from lack of sleep and just happy the baby was safe and happy in its high chair! Either say something at the time or let it go. It's not that deep

I'm pretty noise-sensitive. This though the laugh got more and more high pitched and in the end he was literally screaming with excitement every time she went to 'drop' the spoon wouldn't even register with me, other than to think it was nice.

It's a baby laughing and shrieking with happiness. There's only so pissed off I can get with that.