To be upset that twatty exh is keeping DS for an extra day?

[ilovemilton]

School holidays are split, first two weeks DS is with me and week 3 and 4 is with exh.

Plus, he gets extra days added on equivalent to however many days I had from close of school til the first Saturday. Yes, our order is that petty.

Prior to his week starting, we have constant texts checking the time and venue of collection and demanding an instant reply.

So, he collected DS at the start of week 3 at 10am and DS is due back today. All other holidays, he has returned at the same time as he goes. I text yesterday to confirm time and location and didn't get a reply until now, to say he's going out for the day and will head back about 3. They are staying with family about two hours away.

This morning I got up and ready, and have been sitting here all excited to see him, since exh doesn't allow contact with me during his weeks.

I know it's only a few hours, but I am so upset. He's ended up with a whole extra day and ruined our plans for today.

The contact agreement does not specify timings. Therefore the way to go is to agree everything including timings by email, well in advance, then bide your time and present it to the court with evidence of his persistent dicking around, especially regarding allowing contact between OP and DS during dickheaddaddy time. Ideally if DS was 12 this would mean his wishes would carry more weight. It's not good to rush to court. It's building a picture of his actions which is comprehensive and irrefutable.

He really is he gift that keeps giving isn’t he. Wanker.

Solicitors letter re not allowing DS contact. Each and every time.

Then after 3 times don’t allow him to collect DS and tell him he’s repeatedly broken contact rules and will have to take you back to court before DS will be seeing him again. Delay as long as possible and by then DS should be old enough to tell the court he does not want to stay at his fathers.

You have to have the patience of a saint, of course.

I didn't know where he was until today. He will never tell either DC or myself the plans for he holiday prior to it.

It couldn't be more obvious that he's a first class prick.

OP did you see my post about providing DS with his own phone so he can contact you?

Don't send a message as above he may show ds as a sign that his mum doesn't want him just to upset him further.

Just send o.k keep responses to a minimum

I was going to put some links on to my previous threads but it doesn't seem I need to now. You're all getting it!

If you need more evidence, he's only responded to one of my texts this holiday. I asked for his contribution to the school uniforms. He sent me £2.48.

Re phone. You might have missed my earlier comment.

He has a phone but isn't allowed to use it. DD also confirms that phones go in the "phone box", locked away for contact. I've checked and it hasn't been turned on since the day he left.

So where is dd?

Don't text him back about having extra 'me' time as he will use it to show ds that your not bothered about him being with you.

DD went no contact last summer following various assaults. He hasn't bothered to fight it; or even contact her since.

As the order was so petty as you pointed out, with big back story, then could understand how you feel - which maybe exactly how EH wanted you to feel. Don’t rise to it

Text back, “no problem, you can be flexible to allow these extra hours, thank you for asking”

Keep a record of this communication that illustrates how you can be flexible. May be useful in future, for example if you ask for weekly phone calls with your son during his time with EH for example.

I won't reply anything about me enjoying the extra time as it shows I don't care and he will use it against me - I could never complain about it in the future. I've sent a message saying I am disappointed that he is choosing against DS wishes, yet again, to go against agreed time.

Oh god OP was it your daughter with no sanpro for her period?

@CuriousaboutSamphire
You think it’s okay that a child is not allowed to talk to his mum for 2 weeks and cries and is clinging when he returns home😕

At 9 will the courts not take what he wants into consideration? He evidently doesn't want to go so do you have to send him?

Assaults? What did you do about that? Were the police involved?

I'd be getting a second phone, tbh, which could be hidden . He might not be able to use it for calls, but he could text secretly.

WhatanAbsolutePenis

NO of course not! I was trying to suggest she has an hour or two to calm her emotions so that when she sees her ex, he does not see that he has actually fucked her off. I'd like to know where in my post I practically told her to get over it and move on ?
She absolutely is right to be emotional and need to vent on here.
I'd suggest that if you think she needs to verbally attack him the moment he brings the children back is hardly a great thing for the kids to witness or is that the sort of thing that goes on in your house ?

I think I remember previous threads. YANBU and I’m sorry he’s still playing mind games with you.

Poor DS hope he’s ok and he’ll be with you soon. I’m sure he can’t wait to see you.

It is really nasty to not let DS contact you while he is there. Even if he agreed with you that they would ring every other day at 9am that would make DS feel better and you would have that contact.
Focus on how nice it will be to have DS home and make tonight really happy for him and you.

Unfortunately your reply to your ex kind of plays into his hands. You're not there so you don't know what your DSs wishes are, you are assuming he wants to come home and not see other family.
That may well be true, but it may not. I would have replied just acknowledging his text and saying something like see you later on then. I'm afraid many many children still want to be with the absent parent despite how that parent may have treated them. Although you know what hes like as a father, he is still in your DSs life. Much of your DSs behaviour when he is going to contact could be more of him not wanting to be away from you rather than not being with his dad. It's such a complex thing and is never one sided.
When your DS is with you, how does he contact his father? Do you tell your ex where your DS is all the time when he's with you? How old is your DD?

bastardkitty that's us! She's free now.

The only reason she's allowed to go NC is because he didn't chase her. DS tried it a few times and he gets "your sister got away with it, there's no way you will".

We are not returning to the hell of courts and threatened reverse residency for reporting such things.

All previous assaults were reported, denied and I was punished with increased contact for the DC each time. They were all done to death in previous threads.

I'm very PA so I'd make it obvious that I'd used the extra time to do something enjoyable while he 'babysat'. Even if I'd been at home sobbing my eyes out and chewing my nails. The one thing abusive exes can't stand is if they think they're babysitting and you're having a chance to enjoy yourself without a child in tow. Ask him if you can make this the regular pick-up time as it gave you a whole day to yourself, then he'll be dropping the DS off at 8am.