Am I ‘cheating’ as being a mum?

[LoopyLou1981]

I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. Their favourite game when in open spaces (parks, shopping centres etc) is ‘divide and conquer’. As such, there are a couple of places/groups that I feel comfortable on my own with the two of them. I work 3 days a week. If one of those groups is not on I tend it enlist a (willing) grandparent to come to the park or event with us.
According to my dh this is cheating and most mums could deal with this on their own. So am I ‘cheating’ or could most people deal with 2 of this age on their own? Feeling a bit deflated after (what I thought was) a successful week x

Suggest your DH stay at home and you work full time then if he thinks he can do a better job.

I hate taking my two out on my own (especially to places like the park when it’s impossible to supervise both) and they’re 3 and 6.

I think it’s rather cunty of your DH to suggest you’re “cheating”.

I take it he takes both kids out by himself all the time?

of course mums can cope with two on their own. Of course you could cope with two on their own, but why do it? when it is more fun for everyone, and safer to have company?

I'm sure GPs love being involved and building up relationships like this too.

Get DH to take them on his own if he thinks that would be so much better

I had a 19 month gap so similar to yours. They’re 4 and 3 now so everything is easier but at that age I had a list of places I was happy to take them on my own. There were some places I wouldn’t dream of taking them on my own, and would only go if I could get someone to come with me.
Not cheating, just common sense IMO.

Cheating my ass. I had 3 bloody bolters. I could only take them to confined areas alone. Unless he wants one of his children lost, he's daft

Get your DP to take them out for an afternoon at the park tomorrow. See how he gets on. If he is unwilling to do this, then he is the one 'cheating' at being a Dad!

Cheating?

Because you must be miserable or it doesn’t count?

When was the last time he had them all day sole care?

Tell him being such an unsupportive prick is “cheating” at being a decent husband and, frankly human being.

He’d be sleeping on the sofa for a week in my house.

How often does he take the two of them out alone?

men!! I am currently on mat leave with our first child. my DH made me feel rubbish after our friends X and Y visited today with their two children by saying pointedly, "so, X (the mum) has TWO children AND has a spotless house and does exercise dvds..." thanks dear husband of mine! He has no clue how much I do every day.

sorry, my point is that men have no idea how hard it is!! yours has some cheek!! i bet you're doing a great job xx

No way!
I have 4 (2 close in age, biggish gap then 2 close in age) and the youngest is now at the blissful age of 4 so I can go to the park/beach/shops/soft play and not have to spend the entire time legging it after one or another.
It's great. And I'm so glad I've passed your stage as it's relentless.

Also, mine are, honestly, really well behaved, sweet little girls but they still ran me ragged!

Your DH has no idea what he's talking about! At least you're still taking them out/involving them and the bonus of another loving adult to bond with... priceless.

Ignore him. You're doing a good job!

Fuck off is it cheating! I'd bloody love to be able to 'rope' a grandparent into coming out with me and my DC. Take all and any support you're offered and don't ever feel like less of a mother for it!

YANBU

Sure plenty of people cope with 2 small children on their own.

But if you don’t have to, why would you just to prove that you can? GPs are happy to help, having them there makes it safer for DC and you more relaxed, everyone has a better time!

How often does he take both kids out for the day on his own?

OP I think he's the one "cheating" at being a good father(he obviously doesn't go anywhere with the 2 of them on his own!), a good husband(how supportive is he ) and frankly a decent human being (possible the worst put down I've heard in a long time !)

I think it just makes sense to take them to places you don't have to be stressing all the time. I don't take mine to open spaces on my own as I know it won't be fun for anyone. The kids won't get the freedom they want and I'll be running around like a headless chicken trying to make sure everyone is accounted for and safe. Your DH is being an arse and even if he does take them out all the time on his own it's still completely unreasonable to have a go at your parenting because you'd rather not. He is being unreasonable.

No one should have to deal with children under 5 alone.

Humans are designed to live in social groups and child rearing shared among family groups.

I feel strongly that women were not meant to be shut away at home on their ownat the mercy of toddlers.

Mine are 17 months and 3 next month and I am the same - there are places I take both on my own but others i avoid for my own sanity and safety of the kids. This is not 'cheating' just common sense. Plus spending time with GPs has benefits for everyone. Ignore your DH!

Ha! We went to the park this morning. I took both kids out of the buggy and said ‘watch them while I find somewhere to park the biggy’ (Complete bollocks but I thought I’d see what happened!). I looked up to see him carrying the youngest under the arm and hurtling towards the 3 year old who was about to attempt the 5ft ‘fireman’s pole’ for the first time. Needless to say I smiled (just before I realised that, without intervention, we were looking at a trip to A&E) 🙄

I have twins and no shame in sticking to places I find easy to manage when I'm alone with them, which is most of the time unless dh is around.

Send your dh off to the park alone with them and see if his opinion changes.

I also have no doubt plenty of other parents do it but we all parent differently. I'm not a sit back and let them go parent, I'm risk averse I suppose but that's fine with me.

I thought I was going to come on this thread and find someone who put their child in boarding school as soon as they could and then had a nanny for the holidays or something ridiculous.

Of course what you're doing isn't cheating

Why would he begrudge you having some extra help when you are out looking after and entertaining your children?! It’s hard work.

This has made me feel so much better! I totally don’t take mine anywhere they aren’t confined without extra support (group of friends/grandparents/playgroup) they are 2.9 and 9 months and I’m dreading when little one is on the move too! I thought I was the only wimp about 🤣

And littlestrawby...been there. I stopped doing absolutely everything but the necessary for the baby (my sanity). He clocked within about 3 days!
And congratulations on your lo xx

Bollocks to him. I'm assuming when you have a willing helper you're much less stressed and they have more fun, everyone happy and safe is definitely the better option.
My eldest was a runner, we got one of those backpacks with rein. It might not be the same for you but after a while just the threat of the reins strap being attached was enough to make her stick with hand holding x