Am I ‘cheating’ as being a mum?

[LoopyLou1981]

I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. Their favourite game when in open spaces (parks, shopping centres etc) is ‘divide and conquer’. As such, there are a couple of places/groups that I feel comfortable on my own with the two of them. I work 3 days a week. If one of those groups is not on I tend it enlist a (willing) grandparent to come to the park or event with us.
According to my dh this is cheating and most mums could deal with this on their own. So am I ‘cheating’ or could most people deal with 2 of this age on their own? Feeling a bit deflated after (what I thought was) a successful week x

Oh wow, I have 16 months between ds1 and ds2.. I take all the help I can get. If there's no one to help I still go out.. but I'm stressed by the end of it! So take a whoever you want. I'm sure he would do the same if in your position. My ex used to say your always going out with your mom. It's not fair she sees them more than me. Yet when it was his time with the boys. He would never go out alone, always with family. Hmm wonder why!

Why hasn't he taken some parental leave?

It's so important that Dads get time to look after babies by themselves. So much of the work that mums do is invisible, and people who haven't done it don't realise how hard it can be.

I found it very hard to take both of mine out together when they were younger. I had one activity centre that I could manage because it was split nicely into separate rooms, so we could take it a room at a time and they couldn't run off. Luckily they loved it because we spent a lot of time there!

As someone said upthread, women are not meant to raise children alone. Ever heard that phrase “it takes a village”? It’s true. I’m working on a digital project at the moment that takes as it’s central premise, the thesis that the increasingly isolated and isolating way in which we mother our children, is directly related to the contemporary prevalence of rates of post partum mental illness.

@sheepofwallst That sounds like a fantastic project and one that MNers would have a lot of strong views about. Why don’t you do a thread about it?