Am I ‘cheating’ as being a mum?

[LoopyLou1981]

I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. Their favourite game when in open spaces (parks, shopping centres etc) is ‘divide and conquer’. As such, there are a couple of places/groups that I feel comfortable on my own with the two of them. I work 3 days a week. If one of those groups is not on I tend it enlist a (willing) grandparent to come to the park or event with us.
According to my dh this is cheating and most mums could deal with this on their own. So am I ‘cheating’ or could most people deal with 2 of this age on their own? Feeling a bit deflated after (what I thought was) a successful week x

He is being a dick. You are not cheating at all. When I had a baby and a 3yr old I did closest small playpark and not much else. By the time I had three I had a school run and baby and a 3 year old who could make me cry and crumble. I did nothing. I couldn’t face it. I didn’t cheat I just survived.

Do whatever you want so that you enjoy your babies. That’s the most important thing.

I was a childminder and would take 3children out to the park, but only specific park re safety. The older ones knew that if they couldn't see me then they'd be in trouble. For runners we'd all play together.
I'd take the pram always, either for falling disasters or that they'd be sat in it if they misbehaved.
Completely doable but you need to set expectations when you get there and reinforce frequently.

Go away for the weekend and leave him in charge of two of them.

Sounds like you are doing a great job OP.

Very sensible to have help, and am sure relatives love being involved.

Being a parent to small mobile kids is hard. I only had one and that was hard enough (he got away once, couldn't find him for 5 mins, then found him hand in hand with a lovely older lady friend who had spotted he was wandering out of cafe free range. Longest 5 mins ever, but ended well!) And remember playing sheepdog when friend had 2 toddler grandchildren running in opp. directions in park. Nightmare!

Stick to what works for you and your children. They are getting good days out with a mum who is less stressed than she would be otherwise. I'd say that's a win-win situation xxx

I 'cheat' by strapping my (desperate to walk) 18 month old and her hodini like three year old brother into the buggy at all times. If my husband has to take all four of ours out on his own I can guarantee he'll stop at his parents first to pick one of them up.

OP that was a good idea to test it out on him . It seems that men learn best from real experience. littlestrawby wtf?? I can't believe he said that. Mine had 2 wks off at start to help me, so he really sees and appreciates how much work is involved

I had a very unhelpful 'd'H, I had a 2 year old DD, a 13 year old StepD and worked 48 hours a week compared to my Hs 39 hours, I was also doing an NVQ and a GCSE in psychology, and 'd'H moaned I did not keep our house immaculate. I figured he had 8 hours of housework to do to catch up with my working hours, but he didn't see it, apparently 'everyone else' managed to keep their homes spotless while working the hours I did!

Fuck of did they! I used to tell him to bring them to me, these women who worked 48 hours a week, with a toddler and a mess making teen and an unhelpful husband, bring them to me and tell me how they did it, because I was very interested to hear, only he never did. They never appeared in my living room, these wonderful women, who could do it all, where I could not quite, because they only existed in his head, not in real life.

So, tell your husband to bring the women who cope with going out with a 3 year old and an 18 month old without help, tell him you want to hear their hints and tips and I bet he cannot bring them to you.

It's funny but when mine were that age I had the fear of taking them places alone as well, but my DH was completely unphased by it. I learnt from that. The more often you do it the easier it becomes as you learn a strategy.

For those wondering why my DH was so hands on (as admittedly this is unusual) I had major surgery so couldn't walk for 2 weeks or lift for six. He had to do pretty much everything with the dcs.

Many, many, many parents up and down the country do take 2 - or more of their own dc out day in and day out. As blearyeyedbear said, the more you do it, the easier it seems and you wonder what on earth you were worrying about.
I remember going out for the first walk in the pram with dc1 - it was a right performance - and as for changing his nappy when we were at MiL's house the first time we went out..... I cringe a bit looking back at what a circus we made it into .... [grin

'Cheating' seems a bizarre word though. On the odd occasion I had someone to come with me, then of course I'd take it. I can't understand why you wouldn't make your life easier if you were able to, and I can't understand why your dh wouldn't want you to make your life easier when you get the chance.

What a dick!! How is it "cheating"? Being a mum isn't about 'rules' fgs!

I'd tell your DH to fuck off and stop cheating as a husband by being such an unhelpful, judgemental dickhead.

I did take mine out on my own day in and day out, but always to places I had scoped out in advance and I knew wouldn’t be too stressful. Neither of mine would go in a pushchair after 15 months so when mine were 3 and 18 months I had nowhere to contain them. It made sense to go to places that would be easy for me. That’s not ‘cheating’.

Well you can do all sorts when you have to, but if you don’t have to why would you?

He's being a dick. Being in charge of babies and toddlers can be quite lonely ... it's also nice to have company chasing them around!

You’re DH is an arse

Fuck's sake. People who can take a 3 year old and an 18 month to the park by themselves have easygoing kids. This is largely genetic and the luck of the draw. Those mums who aren't "cheating" by his standards are just playing on easy mode.

I have twins. these saved my sanity when my two were younger. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B003B37D9O/?tag=mumsnetforum-21

To be fair, I coped (reasonably) well while my youngest was happy spectating from her pram. It’s just that she walked quite early, didn’t like missing out and would scream if we stopped in a park and she wasn’t allowed out. Since then, I’ve got 2 children who are too young to know danger/if you can’t see me, I can’t see you/if you leap off the 5ft platform while I’m chasing after you sister who’s heading for the skateboard ramp, you’re going to land us all in A&E. I reckon by next year I’ll have this sorted. Up until then, an extra pair of hand keeps me under control.
And, to answer a previous comment, it’s not just my parents who help. I also drive them to a different county to my in-laws who seem to love spending time with them/help me out so I don’t think that’s his problem xx

I take it he is a self-employed sole trader? It's cheating to work in a team.

I had two under two (and then another) and no willing helpers so yes I managed to my own, it is hard! If you have willing helpers then use them!

My mum had twins and used those wrist things... my brothers promptly ran towards each other and then behind her. She was fudged. (it was hilarious)

Hahahahahaha 'cheating'!!! Well my DP definitely wouldn't accuse me of this as he has attempted to look after both of ours on his own and has failed miserably each time!

I have 16 months between mine and although I'm happy to take them out (when at least one is strapped into a buggy!!) I prefer to have somebody with me whilst out because it's just easier - my mum, DSis, SIL, MIL, friends - whoever is willing to come and help with my terrors!

Ignore ignore ignore - my house is never clean or tidy despite my best efforts, my body is ruined (mainly due to cake but the kids helped) but my kids are happy and that's the main thing. You're doing great.

What utter bollocks. You sound like you are doing a great job! I only have one dc, but my best friend is in the same situation as you. When we go out I team up with her to chase one while she chases the other as my dc is a bit older and doesn't tend to wander off. She finds it really hard on her own, and much easier when there are two of us.

He's got a cheek. When my youngest was born i had 3 under 3. Luckily we had a massive garden with lots of toys. I did occassionally take them all shopping if my husband was working away but we usually all went together. The park was always done with help and fortunately none of them were bolters, but you still had to have eyes in the back of your head. You are doing a brilliant job and he is being a dick. It's also lovely to have 2 sets of involved grandparents.

Haha cheated! It’s not an equestrian event