Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

@LyndorCake I really wouldn't say my anxiety is worse while pregnant, I'm just sticking to all the recommendations because I want my baby to be ok. I don't see that as a bad thing? so I don't see why other people are
unless people are using my anxiety to step away from the fact that the tread was actually about people drinking while pregnant if I wanted advice about anxiety or "is my anxiety bad" I'm sure I would of made a thread asking for peoples opinions just as OP has made a thread asking for opinions on whether the man should of said anything or not.

LyndorCake
"If you wouldn't give a newborn baby a sip of an alcoholic drink then you shouldn't drink any alcohol in pregnancy"

If having alcohol while pregnant is equal to giving a newborn a sip, why is it that one is illegal and one is not?

If you're offering this as an argument about the safety of alcohol for a fetus, you are barking up the wrong tree.

embryo-ethics.smd.qmul.ac.uk/tutorials/embryo-and-the-law/english-law-foetus/
The reason is that legal personhood essentially begins at birth. Obviously, biological reality and legal personhood are ships passing in the night.

There are many ethical concerns in making drinking while pregnant illegal. The area is very much a grey one, legally and ethically speaking, and also when it comes to the doctor patient relationship.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4049518/ Discussion from the US.

@mathanxiety the OP has already pointed out she wouldn't because it is illegal.

@Vicky1990 whether number indicates your age or not, you are suffering from the same issue as @SavanahXx and should educate yourself.

@Karyatide I didn't go out everyday before I got pregnant? so nothing has actually changed, I have a routine and I like it. I go out when I want to go out, or when I need to, other than that, if I want to stay at home and watch films, or do whatever then why shouldn't I?? also my OH checks on me through the night because he doesn't want me to roll on my belly or something in the night, again is that so bad that he, off his own back, wants to make sure that his baby is ok and not being crushed or anything?

blablabla go back to the drinking topic because I'm starting to get highly bored of people trying to make this about something else rather than the original issue

@mathanxiety the advice about zero alcohol during pregnancy IS NOT SCIENCE BASED! It is a public health policy created as people couldn't be trusted to sensibly follow previous guidelines saying a couple of units a couple of times a week is fine. In fact, the NHS website still states this as a guideline if you choose to drink. Bangs head on wall

There is no way to make any pregnancy risk free and the judgement

Well quite savanah; you’re doing exactly as you are told! And I can’t imagine any midwife saying “oh no you’re being TOO good at following OUR guidelines”!

I was the same with dc1... dc2 I was still on the cautious side, but maybe a little bit less than with dc1. No anti listeria fruit wash ffs .

I think a wider discussion does need to be had though about balance and common sense when issuing guidelines to expectant mothers. HCPs have to tell us all of these things to do / not to do in pregnancy, (and then later with the baby). It can be overwhelming and a lot of pressure to put on one person as the guidelines always come with dire warnings. I don’t know what the answer is and I suspect it’s about balance. But the NHS can’t go against their own guidelines, so there’s no midwife in the country who would risk saying even if she / he did think an occasional unit of alcohol, piece of pate etc was fairly low risk. So I think mothers rightly want to do everything exactly as they’re told to.

math I made a similar point about younger generations having a healthier approach to alcohol up thread. Because there is NO SAFE LEVEL of alcohol consumption for ANYONE. That’s on the nhs website. It was in the media not long ago too, so is becoming common knowledge. And yes, I know there’s a difference between no proven safe level and a level which is an acceptable risk. But just applying the same zero risk logic that women are specifically told by MWs etc to apply to their pregnancies, to everyone else. Strictly speaking, nobody should be drinking alcohol at all as it isn't 100% safe.

I think this is why so many more young people are teetotal now. I’m considering it too, for health reasons and role modelling for dcs who I’d rather didn’t see loads of boozing. We had alcoholics in my extended family and one in my immediate family, so it’s something I’m really wary of.

@Karyatide do I 'hide' no I don't, do I stay indoors because there is a recommendation? again no I do not, its not agoraphobic. I am not scared of the outside, I just don't like it as much as I like my home, I go out when I fancy a walk, or when I want to go shopping or want to do anything, I just prefer not too bloody hell is anyone actually listening? it doesn't seem that way.

There is no way to make any pregnancy risk free and the judgement

But there are lots of small things that can be done to lower the risks, aren't there.

Oops!

The judgement surrounding alcohol on this thread has been beyond patronising at times, and nonsensical at others. Would you react the same someone saying they eat steak medium rare, sleep on their right side, have hot baths, don't eat their 5 a day, have cheese on crackers as a snack or don't exercise 5 times a week?

RiddleyW
If you wouldn't give a newborn baby a sip of an alcoholic drink then you shouldn't drink any alcohol in pregnancy

By this logic I can only drink breastmilk while I’m pregnant.

That's really pretty silly.
You know that breastmilk is formed out of all the ingredients you eat and drink, right?

Alcohol can contaminate breastmilk. So can many medications. This is why doctors ask if you are breastfeeding when they consider whether to prescribe certain medications.

It's also why you can sometimes reduce a baby's digestive problems by giving up dairy while breastfeeding, or avoiding onions, broccoli, etc.

@SaoirieTheSeahorse I didn't think a midwife would be concerned that I was sticking to their advice. I don't see why other people are concerned that I am sticking to the advice though

@SaoirseTheSeahorse some alcoholic drinks such as wine do actually have health benefits if consumed in small sensible amounts. I think it’s been shown that moderate drinkers tend to live longer than teetotallers actually. Of course like any long term studies it’s pretty hard to separate out all the confounding factors. Saying that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption is extremely hard line IMO, but probably understandable given the U.K. rates of binge drinking and drinking related illness.

@skunkatanka Absolutely agree. And the OP sticking to half a pint once in a while rather than, for example, 2 pints IS the small thing to minimise the risk - the only proven risk is that HIGH level of alcohol consumption can (not will, can) cause FAS/FASD.

If we go around judging pregnant women for not following every single guideline for every single possible risk then we may as well take a previous posters suggestion and ship us all off to a farm for the duration of our pregnancies.

Just to make clear - I am currently pregnant and CHOOSING not to drink alcohol, not because it is unsafe but because I have decided not to as a lifestyle choice. I am also a scientist and cannot abide people using pseudo-science (or in this case, misinterpreted guidelines) as a stick to beat other people over the head with.

I think Savanah is being given a bit of a rough ride here.

She's being criticised and is acting defensive. She's 19, give her a break.

Despite being older, I was too very anxious during my pregnancy.
I religiously slept on my side during my third trimester and I stayed clear of alcohol and caffeine. That was my choice. I saw a heavily pregnant woman drinking a WKD and winced a bit, but I'd never ever say anything and it's none of my business.

The no sex thing, though? Sex is perfectly safe during pregnancy, just as long as you're not doing any crazy acrobatics and you're not on your back for too long (I couldn't think of anything worse though, I'd never felt less sexy in all my life different thread)

I'm obviously not a midwife, but orgasms will do diddly squat to induce labour until you're at the end of your pregnancy.
I wouldn't worry

I didn't think a midwife would be concerned that I was sticking to their advice.

Yes, I know; I’m agreeing with you! You’re doing exactly what you’re told to and no MW in the land will call that OTT! She’d look bloody silly if she did.

My pondering is about how they dish out these guidelines, which change all the time; they changed between pregnancies for me. And they were different again when my sil had hers a few years before me.

It’s such a vulnerable time for women and I don’t know if the dissemination of the necessary warnings and guidelines are always handled all that brilliantly.

savannah

Thou does protest too much.

Look it up If you don’t know the meaning.

I hope you get the support you need

Never heard a midwife say you shouldn’t take hot baths, again there’s little evidence that this would raise core temp to a level that was harmful. Having a short sauna or steam is fine too. All these super cautious pieces of advice based on no evidence are only handed out because it’s women that get pregnant.

I don't see why other people are concerned that I am sticking to the advice though

Because your midwife’s advice is not “get your partner to wake up multiple times in the night to make sure you’re not sleeping on your stomach in case that crushes your baby.”

Savannah, I don’t think you are going to listen to anyone here, but I’ll try one last time. The people warning you about anxiety are not doing it to be mean to you or to ‘judge’ you. We are doing it, many of us, because we’ve been through something similar ourselves and we know how destructive anxiety can be. We are not telling you off for caring about your baby. We are warning you.

Annalogy

Considering how rude she has been to other posters upthresd she really isn’t getting a rough ride at all. Exceptions have been made as she’s s kid.

And posters are genuinely worried about her posts

@Savanah Christ on a cracker, I was trying to be nice!! Having plunged into the depths of depression and considering suicide as a result, all stemming from unnecessary worrying and anxiety while pregnant, I thought I would try and help you see that you don't need to try and be perfect to be a good mother.
But it's fine, clearly you know better.

@Annalogy the no sex thing is also because we both feel really weird about it, not just because of the concerns, I mean, I could never imagine me and OH then the baby giving a few big rolls or kicks to make her presence known hahaha, it weirds me out even thinking about it, but to those who still have sex, you go girlies! go get some haha

Saying that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption is extremely hard line IMO, but probably understandable given the U.K. rates of binge drinking and drinking related illness.

Yes, I agree it is quite hard line, yet that’s what the NHS says 🤷‍♀️. Do I think all HCPs agree with the guidelines? Nope, but there they are. This is my point, it’s all very rigid and fire and brimstone now imo.

It doesn’t end after pregnancy. Bfing, BLW etc. I can hear the disbelief in the voices of the HVs at their own words on BLW, (sorry - not to open THAT can of worms too). I had one HV actually say with dc1 that she didn’t agree it was the best approach, but she sort of whispered it to me on the sly like. It was a bit farcical.