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AIBU?

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Original poster

Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

809 replies

Boilin · 18/08/2018 17:45

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here Hmm). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

OP posts:
Nutkins24 · 19/08/2018 20:14

@newdaylight brilliant ! Grin

karyatide · 19/08/2018 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlmostAlwyn · 19/08/2018 20:14

For all those saying they're having a non-alcoholic beer... you know it does actually still contain some alcohol? ShockShockShock

Might as well stick with a half of the real thing Grin

SavanahXx · 19/08/2018 20:14

@Nutkins24 I did try to state yesterday that I had an extremely bad child hood, that left me with terribly bad anxiety as it is, I wasn't just randomly making that up Confused and since both losses, I've decided to put myself at minimal risk always, I hear you on the veggie washing Grin its not just me either who's overly cautious, my OH was literally at the side of me 24/7 through both of our losses, he seen first hand how hard it was, and he doesn't want either of us being in that situation ever again.

SaoirseTheSeahorse · 19/08/2018 20:15

That’s quite unhelpful harshing. She’s clearly anxious enough as it is.

WhatWouldCoachBombayDo · 19/08/2018 20:15

@Nutkins were terrible people, but then again I can t wait to feed my baby a bacon and brie sandwich as their first meal, if the logic on this thread is anything to go by 😂

@Savannah I've had about 15miscarriages due to a genetic condition. I think you need to relax a little if I'm honest! You sound like a barrel of laughs 🙄 I feel for your other half, no sex and sleep deprived before the baby is even here!

Onthebrink87 · 19/08/2018 20:17

You should have said 'don't worry love its my 6th and my last!'

Original poster
Boilin · 19/08/2018 20:18

@SaoirseTheSeahorse having your partner wake up throughout the night to make sure you are on your left hand side is a bit bananas... I thought I was neurotic after 3 miscarriages re recording movements and and checking for bleeding! If I asked DP to do this he would absolutely tell me to sod off and not to worry so much as the risk of stillbirth is incredibly low however you sleep. I try to sleep on my left as much as I can but don't panic when I wake up on my right!

OP posts:
Itschristmas32 · 19/08/2018 20:18

I've got a bit lost with the thread but thought I'd say ...

I didn't drink during my pregnancies, or consume caffeine where possible. I thought this was the government / midwife / health visitor and GP recommendation(?)

Have I fallen asleep and woken up on mars? (as it feels some people now think it's ok to drink in pregnancy(?) ) ??Hmm

HarshingMyMellow · 19/08/2018 20:18

@SaoirseTheSeahorse there's a bit on edge and there's being completely OTT cautious. She cannot sustain a normal day to day life while placing that many restrictions on herself.
The anxiety of it all could cause perinatal & postnatal depression.

Many of us have had losses. The world doesn't stop because you're pregnant though and we all have to carry on.

The massively arrogant, superiority dripping from a teenager is what got me the most.
Arguing with facts and anecdotes from professionals because they do not fit in with her 'ideal' and berating other women for it.
Not on.

apriljune12 · 19/08/2018 20:18

Savannah

I say this as I have a dd the same age as you and I had my first baby young.

You treally really need to calm down here. Your last post is way way off the scale anxious even factoring in your MC.

I think you may need to chat to your community midwife. Because anxiety is a bitch it really is and if you don’t get control of it it will control you and once baby is born you may find things very very tough if you can’t rekax more.

Nutkins24 · 19/08/2018 20:19

@SavanahXx please watch out for anxiety post birth. Mine was terrible, especially with sleep deprivation on top. I managed to convince myself that I was going to die from sepsis from a small spot on my nose, leaving my baby helpless. My doctor was just like Hmm. Luckily it only lasted for about a month and I was right as rain but sometimes it will develop into something more serious.

Original poster
Boilin · 19/08/2018 20:20

@Itschristmas32 we aren't talking about binge drinking though. We are talking about one unit, once, with a meal, after a medical professional of 30 years has said 'go for it!'

OP posts:
apriljune12 · 19/08/2018 20:25

itsChristmss

No you are not on mars even if you need the government to tell you personally you are actually on Earth.

Here’s the thing! Most normal
Sensible people actually know that a half of cider while pregnant is actually fine and won’t cause a baby to be born a raving lunatic or mum an alcoholic.

Now go back to sleep.

Holyguacamoley · 19/08/2018 20:25

If you wouldn't give a newborn baby a sip of an alcoholic drink then you shouldn't drink any alcohol in pregnancy.

I do wonder why people feel the need (and I do wonder about the dependency of all the people jumping on that as ridiculous). And I do judge. But I wouldn't have said anything.

SavanahXx · 19/08/2018 20:26

@WhatWouldCoachBombayDo and @Boilin it sounds like you wouldn't believe me when I say, when I first told my OH I was pregnant again, his first words was "no more sex" so it was a joint decision, and again I never ask him to make sure I'm on my left, he reads up on pregnancy a lot and he does it off his own back. I know what I need to know to keep me at the lowest risk possible, and so does he, it just so happens that we both want everything to work out, and we both have the exact same fears.

And my midwife is well aware how anxious I am, and she always says she completely gets it, I'm glad she isn't as judgy, I don't think I personally know a single person who hasn't been anxious in a pregnancy??

BakedBeans47 · 19/08/2018 20:29

Everyone is anxious in pregnancy - it’s just setting you up for the lifetime of worry ahead. My eldest is 12 now and I get more anxious not less as time goes on and he gets more independent and not tied to the apron strings all the time!

But being anxious to the point of sitting in a cold bath and not leaving the house unless it’s essential is not a normal level of anxiety. It just isn’t.

Original poster
Boilin · 19/08/2018 20:30

@SavanahXx look, it's completely your choice. I understand anxiety. I have GAD and OCD. I've been on medication for it, had CBT, have had time off work because of it. I did however do everything in my power not to give in to it and to be rational in my approach to decisions. My partner certainly didn't feed in to it as it sounds like yours is doing (he sounds extremely anxious too). I have SEVERE GAD and sometimes I feel like it's wrecking my life and even I think that your approach to risk management is unhealthy. Actually that level of anxiety is probably a lot more damaging than half a pint of cider!!

OP posts:
apriljune12 · 19/08/2018 20:30

The really judgy person on this thread has been you savannah I think considering your posts other older posters or oldies as you say are concerned about you.

Your level of anxiety and your inability to understand facts are concerning.

Your partner seems to be also hyper anxious. It’s not a healthy combination.

WeightorWhite · 19/08/2018 20:31

@SavanahXx you've said aww so many times on your other threads! You got memory loss?

It's aww baby, oh aww your baby, it's aww my baby is pink! Grow up!

WeightorWhite · 19/08/2018 20:31

@SavanahXx you've said aww so many times on your other threads! You got memory loss?

It's aww baby, oh aww your baby, it's aww my baby is pink! Grow up!

53rdWay · 19/08/2018 20:32

Savannah, it is really really unlikely that your previous miscarriages were caused by anything you did, or that anything you did could have prevented them.

People aren’t warning you about anxiety to ‘judge’ you. They are warning you because anxiety is not good for you, and it can really spiral after birth. Telling yourself you can control all risks if only you do everything right is going to cause you massive, massive stress.

LyndorCake · 19/08/2018 20:32

@holyguacamole

If you wouldn't give a newborn baby a sip of an alcoholic drink then you shouldn't drink any alcohol in pregnancy

If having alcohol while pregnant is equal to giving a newborn a sip, why is it that one is illegal and one is not?

GrapesAreMyJam · 19/08/2018 20:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SavanahXx · 19/08/2018 20:34

@Nutkins24 I ended up getting sepsis with my second miscarriage and wasn't even phased by it to be honest, I didn't realise I was on the verge of dying (I was later told by my partner and his very concerned mum)
My anxiety only kicks in when I'm pregnant, and I know that its my body that's suppose to grow and be responsible for the baby inside of it.

my midwife knows about my anxiety, booked me in with a consultant for a check up, and they all don't see a problem with how cautious me or my partner are?? its not exactly wrong to want everything to go well more than anything, and do any means necessary for that to happen. if it means judgy people saying I'm OTT anxious for wanting a healthy baby, and to never ever have to suffer a loss again, then I'm willing to take that Smile

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