Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

@apriljune12 I think my other half would have however the bloke was a little pissed and both being law enforcement officers we have this amazing ability to not react (unless on mn of course )

skunkatanka

Does she need to?

I wouldn’t scold a child.

@skunkatanka it's the second drink I've had. The other one was a week ago where I had not even half a glass of champagne to toast my friend at her wedding. I hate champagne...

I also feeldusincluned to believe this cider was the one and only cider. Drinking while pregnant is just not on. The end.

...feel disinclined

YANBU to be annoyed that a stranger should comment on what you were drinking. And YANBU to be annoyed that he addressed his comments to your DH.

I would have judged you secretly however, which is my right. And YABU to state that it's wrong to start a sentence with 'and'.

@RoseWhiteTips have you actually read any of the research? Or at least Expecting Better? Because your post does not tally with actually any of the facts at all.

RoseWhiteTips

But you'll scold an adult?

There is no 'the end'. It is a perfectly legal action. Medical advice is advice. Wind your neck in.

Boilin

Rose

Oh so the op is a drunken liar?

You are funny

If you have only had two drinks during the entire 7 months, why have any at all? It IS possible to toast someone without having to actually drink, you know. You just “pretend” or you have a soft drink or water. I’m sure the bride and groom would have been understanding.

The end

Ach rose, why does every thread have to end in a bunfight with you? Do you really get off on this? I used to have a policy of leaving a thread as soon as you joined it and I e just remembered why... so toodlepip!

@RoseWhiteTips you're right I'm actually a binge drinker. You caught me! Now where's my gin?

I would have judged you secretly however, which is my right. And YABU to state that it's wrong to start a sentence with 'and'.

Starting a sentence with the conjunction “And” is absolutely fine in creative or informal writing! Lollol

But why should she not have the 2 drinks or ‘pretend’??? Adults don’t pretend do they?

The actions are legal non harmful and absolutely normal.

Hmm

@RoseWhiteTips good job I'm not an English teacher then isn't it?! seriously though you're irritating and are clearly the type who decides she doesn't like something then jumps on other people's comments to further prove that the OP is wrong (grammar, accusing me of lying). I have only had two drinks because I waited until my third trimester. I have only been in my third trimester for two weeks, and I have had less than two drinks in this time, if you really need me to explain myself! Anything else you'd like to know? Anything actually informative you'd like to tell me? Or would you like to continue acting like a child and arguing with everything I say? Lollol

I was probably like Scarlett and Flapjack and RoseWhiteTips when I first got pregnant. You'll swear to quit alcohol, caffeine, mercury, anything remotely undercooked and any artificial sweeteners. You'll dress your baby in gender neutral tones of soft grey and yellow and your nursery will look like a photograph from the White Company when you put it on Instagram. You'll do hypnobirthing and pregnancy yoga and join an NCT class and take up gentle swimming. You'll get through the labour with gas and air and maybe a little pethidine. You'll be in bed by 10 each evening and you'll only sleep on your left side. You'll be a pregnancy vision, like Beyonce, only with less flowers.

Then you'll spent 12 weeks living on white toast and custard creams because its the only thing you can eat without throwing up, and even that makes you throw up sometimes. You couldn't drink caffeine if someone paid you but then suddenly you can and it's all you can have in the mornings to wake you up. You'll mention to your midwife that you have the odd diet coke and she'll look at you as though you said you like sprinkling arsenic on your cereal. You'll look at the White Company and realise its £25 for a sleep suit so you'll readjust your expectations to Marks and Spencer, and then to Asda. Your mum will kindly offer to buy you a pram and then nearly pass out at the prices in John Lewis. You'll find out its a boy and start buying everything in blue. You'll try to sign up for a hynobirthing course but realise that it costs £250 for two days, and you've already stretched yourself paying the same amount for your NCT course. So you download the CDs but find them boring. You jump into the swimming pool when on holiday but then panic, google it and discover that somebody's friend in Wisconsin once did the same thing in 2008 and had a placenta abruption. You'll google placenta abruption and it doesn't sound great. You'll take up swimming in the local pool and the lifeguard will watch you ominously and ask you, when you get out, if you are sure you are ok to swim. You'll snap 'I'm ill, not pregnant' but then realise you meant the other way around and the lifeguard will look at you like you are a) mad and b) a very strange body shape indeed. Friend A will tell you about her two hour labour and say that any drug you have at all will cross the placenta to the baby. Friend B will tell you to demand an epidural at the first sign of a contraction and then reveal that the reason she didn't call you for two months after giving birth was because she had fifteen stitches that got infected and couldn't get off the sofa. Friend C will stop talking to you altogether because she's been ttc for over a year.

You'll make it to the third trimester only to be told that because of a minor medical problem it's probably best to have a c section and suddenly that £250 on the NCT course could have been spent on something else. Maybe on 10 White Company sleep suits. You'll quit googling obsessively and decide to read the Guardian and get in a panic over Brexit and decide to go to Asda and start stockpiling baby formula. You'll then read about the terrible effects of baby formula.

You'll wonder when it was exactly that you stopped becoming a real life person and instead became a walking incubator with two arms, two legs and a no-longer-to-be-trusted brain.

The thing is, we're all trying our best. Women face enough criticism as it is, maybe we should stop yelling at each other over half a glass of cider and instead just try to be supportive.

p.s. And quit google.

Scout1774

You funny.

I know my experience is anecdotal, but over the past 8 years or so I've worked in learning support in about 10 different schools. I've come across, sadly, many children with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome who have varying degrees of disability.

I cannot think of one of those children who are being brought up by their birth mothers. This is not because of the child's disabilities, but because their mothers have long-standing social and mental health related issues related to alcohol addiction and couldn't provide adequate care for their children (and believe me, the bar for 'adequate' isn't set very high).

FAS really doesn't develop from a pregnant woman having the odd glass of cider or wine. Sensible woman understand this and can control their risks.

Savanah, you're 19 and people of your age are very prone to becoming militant about issues without understanding the bigger picture. Once your baby is born, it would be a good idea to get yourself back into education and use some of your intellectual energy on expanding your knowledge and learning how to read around a subject.

Hm... I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant and as I said, haven't had any alcohol since we've started trying... I will however soon restart taking medication (reduced dosage...) which I suspect would lead to very judgy stares by some people as well. If they knew. Which they obviously won't, seeing as I won't start waving around the packaging infront of people's faces.

But I still feel guilty. Even though it is most likely safe/we talked about it with various professionals (most concerns are apparently about the first trimester).

Which is imo weird. Is it "just" because I care so much for the LO? It is it also because the atmosphere around pregnancy is often so judgemental?

I suspect it's both. But I hate that I feel guilty for doing something I talked about with my doctor and she even recommended !

Scout1774

😀

Bravo Scout1774!