To wonder if anyone else will admit to being a soap dodger?

[blueberrycoconut]

I often can’t be arsed. Dh has to prompt me. Anyone else?

Urgh! I'm sorry I'd find that disgusting. I wash hands very well and regularly. I shower when I get up, often have another shower or bath at night esp if I think we'll have sex. It would be disgusting and disrespectful to do anything else. Luckily DP is the same - well I say luckily but I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't clean!

Know EXACTLY what you mean, IfIWasABird......it really is a vicious circle when your'e mentally out of kilter (and I don't mean just the odd attack of The Blues). A psychiatrist once advised me to try to remember during the blackest times the definition of self-discipline: "it's forcing yourself to do what you should do, when you should do it whether you feel like it or not - if your wait until you're 'in the right mood' the you never do it!"

And it's true - but it's a genuine slog when you're in a dark place......

How do I feel, 'meh', indifferent, invisible, past it, old, overweight. Im not offending anyone and social interaction is either my kids or a supermarket, noone comes round. House is tidy though.
Dont feel ill.

if your wait until you're 'in the right mood' the you never do it!"

Yes!! This is so true. I have lost so many hours and countless opportunities due to waiting to feel better. I’ve finally learned that getting on and actually forcing myself into the shower is how I start to feel better.

I have been a soap dodger in the past, with depression.
Now I force myself into the shower every morning, as part of my non-depressive routine..i think it really helps, along with a supply of clean clothes.

*How do I feel, 'meh', indifferent, invisible, past it, old, overweight

Onetime, that doesn't seem right, you sound really down and fed up. Is there anything we can try to help you with from afar.

I don't think it's gross to only shower 4 times a week, unless you're a particularly sweaty person or are very physically active. If it gets to the point of others telling you you need a wash, though, it's clearly quite necessary.

My mum's always only showered every other day, and she looks immaculate. Never in my life have I seen her sweat, and she's never smelled anything other than perfectly nice.

That said, her behaviour did cause some difficulties for me growing up, as it seemingly never occurred to her that I might be different to her, and require more cleaning. She thought daily showers were excessive, since she didn't need them. From the onset of puberty (aged 10) until about 15 I suffered badly with excess sweating, as well as greasy skin and hair, but only showered every other day, sometimes only a couple of times each week (especially when I developed depression and anorexia). Nobody ever told me I smelled, but I suspect I must have. I know I was obviously sweaty, and it causes me a lot of embarrassment to think about that time in my life. If I have children, teaching them good hygiene will be very important to me.

I shower twice a day now, as I do a lot of exercise. I'm only in the shower for 3-5 minutes, unless I'm washing my hair.

It varies so much from person to person, and with lifestyle. I live quietly, no public transport, few opportunities to pick up bugs. A day in London using the trans and I stank.

I'm really sensitive to smell. I change DHs pillow case every few days as his hair makes it greasy- visibly and by smell. Mine just doesn't.

So carry on calling me rank if you want, but you wouldn't know if you were sat next to me!

Polly no not really. Part of being a parent I think-a single one at that. I honestly don't see the point, I will never have another relationship anyway. That being said I have declined significantly since my marriage break up in 2015 and before that was impeccably groomed daily, 2stone thinner and looked about 10 years younger. I actively avoid people in the street if I know them!
I know the obvious solution is

1. groom yourself then-but it takes energy I don't have and money which is always needed by stuff the kids want. Their birthdays are crippling me financially-xbox etc

2)lose weight-am on medication but trying to eat less, this also makes me sluggish but there's no alternative

3. Socialise more-but there's nowhere to go because I have 0 childcare, I am a musician but no instrument.

I have however applied for a job which is menial in ways but which is frontline NHS so will have to make an effort which I think will be good for me. But otherwise, other than school runs or supermarket I don't get dressed.

I also noticed a decline moving from frontline to academic work where you sit alone in an office all day.
When we visited my sibling earlier in the year they made us all shower down at 10pm after travelling, I felt like they looked at us as tramps and wouldn't have expected others to do it after a day of travelling. But maybe my perceptions are wrong having read this, my eldest is sweaty and spotty and I make him shower at least every 2 days but he avoids face care which I need to be stricter with.
They always do teeth though.

Onetime is it possible that you have a low level depression? It might be worth talking to your GP or a counsellor about how you feel, it sounds like you've had a lot to deal with and could use a bit of support. Even of it's not depression, counselling can be a really good outlet.

Perhaps so. I have just accepted that this is me now. Everything bar basic survival feels unmanageable. The school holidays are especially getting to me tbh, I haven't had a day to myself in 5 weeks, there has always been a kid around me, tagging along to the shops, awake till I go to sleep and awake before I get up. As horrible as it is, and I do love them, it's like bloody groundhog day and I spend half of it looking forward to the day to be over.
I will feel better once they're back to school.

Sorry but (MH, extreme poverty or issues with disabilities aside, I reckon everyone should get their body wet all over with a bit of soap at least once every 24 hrs. Takes 5 mins in the shower! What's the problem?!

@squidgee
Have you contacted social work dept? Someone should come out and do an assessment of what aids you need. Also wheelchair assessment services.......takes a bit of time for wheelchair assessment I think. My sister bought mine because she didn't want me waiting long to be able to get out.
I got given a few aids but the best one is the shower seat. I still don't shower everyday but I honestly don't think I need to. I'm barely active and don't sweat very much. My DH would tell me if I stank and I'd tell him if he did......and he hasn't so far.

@onetimeposter it worries me that you don't seem to be looking forward with pleasure to anything (just looking forward to the relief of the end of school holidays isn't pleasurable anticipation). That's one of my first signs of slipping into depression again. As is avoiding people I know (or finding plausible sounding reasons for why I can't possibly attend an event I've been invited to). Can't give any magic solutions. I'd say things like talk to the GP, but that takes energy which you don't have. Great that you've applied for a job - well done for that!

I found it was easier once I had a "mild depression" diagnosis and started viewing it as an illness that would sooner or later burn itself out (rather than it being the shape of my future life). Doesn't matter whether that view matches the facts or not, it's being able to believe it that helps.

There isnt anything to look forward to though. One kids birthday-costs loads, next kids birthday-costs loads, christmas, costs loads. I will feel brighter if I get the job but I need more than that.

@esk1mo.. in answer to your question, no I’m not that stupid.. however if you truly believe that a hard manual sweaty job necessitates a shower every day then all I can say is you’re nose blind to your own stinking flesh. You stink. Thinking you don’t because you don’t wash every day or do a manual job doesn’t alleviate the pain people have to suffer being near you.. hun. Hope that helps

I bet loqds of ppl you know dont wash daily and youd never know cosmo.
Not sure why poor hygiene is an issue on MN where everyone thinks its hilarious to fart all day and night in front of their partner. Funny how ones noses can tolerate that, but not unwashed skin which has been under clean clothes.

#onetimeposter.. so you’re another revolting pig that doesn’t wash and dresses it up as ‘personal’ hygiene and ‘skin problems’. Yuck..

And it’s not ‘cosmo’ you morons..

Do you ask everyone you meet whether they've have washed? Otherwise, how would you actually know?

And it’s not ‘cosmo’ you morons..

On a similar note, you realise putting a hashtag in front of a poster’s name does nothing don’t you....

Cosmos, you sound irritated.

You are right but your manner is not.

I don't shower every day. However warm the water is, I find it cold and stressful. I hate being cold. You're not alone OP!