DH is being dim, isn't he? Financial

[escapetothecuntree]

So we usually do our regular online shop at Sainsbury's, because this is one of the very few supermarkets that shock what DH likes for his dinners (very restrictive dietary needs).

Anyway, I've just noticed Morrison's sale the same thing for cheaper, it's on offer. Only about 30p difference, but we by several of these so it all adds up. Plus, their basics are cheaper.

DH is putting his foot down and saying no, he doesn't want to try Morrison's.

I've asked why and he says there's no point. I said we could save £5/10. He said I don't really care about saving a few quid

Yeah, like we have money to just burn

So I asked again, and he said it's just too much faff to change.
I said but I've signed up instantly. He says no, I'm comfortable with Sainsbury's so leave it at that.

AIBU to think he's being bloody dim? Why wouldn't you save just a few quid? Why spend more money, even small amounts, when you don't have to?

He's adamant it's too much hassle. And says he isn't interested in saving a few quid. It's not worth it.

For context, either myself or him order the online shop. I was going to do it so it's not like he had to go out of his way to sign up or anything. I'd already done it.

In annoyance, he's agreed to add it all up and see if there's any difference at all. Sod's law it'll cost the same overall or be more expensive.

Not really sure why I'm writing this, perhaps I just need a rant

He will most likely see the thread and get the hump. Hopefully it doesn't turn out that I'm U!

I do think the no meat bit is fair enough tbh...

But, the rest of it is just not ok, there’s absolutely no logical reason to be eating the way he is and not eating normal foods that are also meat free, talking to you like that for trying to discuss his issues is also not ok!!

To be fair, he isn't keeping food from me or under feeding me.

There are things like soup I could have for lunch but I just don't like it.

Personally whenever I have been into Morrison’s I either cannot get what I want or it is vastly more expensive.

Why can’t you do 2 shops every so often.

Bulk buy the non perishable stuff from Morrison’s and then do a shop at Sainsburys

well what he's doing is awful has just spending all the food budget on himself then expecting you to eat stuff you don't like. I would tell him it stops today you will be buying stuff you want and keeping it in the house. Split the food budget but he won't want too as then he won't be able to get all his stuff. Honestly I don't think I could be with anyone who was this controlling over food.

Look, love, if you're breastfeeding you should be able to eat exactly what you like and your wants and needs trump his in the food budget. Especially if you're paying for it ffs!

There are things like soup I could have for lunch but I just don't like it.

Then you or he needs to buy things you DO like. Have you told him you don't like vegetable soup?

@OP have you eaten something nice? If not get thee a hearty meal, or something as naughty as possible. The thought of you sat there hungry... 🙁

Well he sounds like he has food issues and control issues! The answer to "This is what you agreed to" is "Yes, and now I've changed my mind". Exactly who the fuck does he think he is?

I may be wrong but based on your posts I get the impression you tend to fall in line - agreeing to a restricted diet, going along with his decision about what can and can't be kept in your house, even checking with him where you're allowed to shop!

It's very easy to fall into the habit of doing what he wants in an effort to keep the peace but eventually you get to a point where you realise you stop to think of how he'll react before you make the most minor decision.

It sounds like he's very used to being in charge and feels quite entitled to dictate to you and huff when he doesn't get his own way.

I'm assuming you're on maternity leave and money is tight? I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of turn as it were but in your shoes I'd be very careful about ensuring I wasn't financially dependent on him.

You need to start cooking. Vegetarian shepherds pie, lasagne etc are very easy and tasty.

OP did you agree to the no meat rule under duress?

The writing's on the wall. He cares more about his so-called principles than he does about you and the baby. You need proper nourishment if you're bf. Make your plans and get out.

Then you or he needs to buy things you DO like. Have you told him you don't like vegetable soup?

Yes, he sighs and says well you haven't even tried it. I say yes I have. He says really when then?

I don't remember when. But obviously I look like a fool that just doesn't like the sound of it

The thing is, does it matter? Adult human beings get to change their own diet, otherwise few people would be vegetarian or vegan in the first place.

If you have a family and people change you have to live with it to some extent and cannot insist in this way because it's a family, not the student's Union.

If he insists on holding your diet to his silly agreement like a giant child, I'd say that luckily you had your fingers crossed the whole time.

If DH is spending a disproportionate amount of the food budget on food that only he likes, especially when it's not massive to begin with, and expecting you to grub around with whatever is left and permitted, then yes he is underfeeding you OP. He doesn't have to be physically preventing you from eating. He isn't not underfeeding you just because you could dredge up enough calories from the money and foodstuffs he allows you.

But why can't you just have things you like in the first place, instead of having to 'try' things fitting in with his diet? Presumably you were a full-grown adult when you met, with your own tastes and preferences. He's not your dad.

Yes, he sighs and says well you haven't even tried it. I say yes I have. He says really confused when then?

Then you tell him to stop being so tiresome and get yourself something else.

On a positive note, this really does sound like he's just a bit of an immature person who has convinced himself otherwise. Adults with families tend to develop an idea of what to be pragmatic about and what not to - like getting the BF mum fed, watered and happy is priority one and we can talk about whether her food was ethically sourced enough too, but not let it be the obstacle.

He'll probably be fine if you can persuade him to grow up a bit and get his priorities in order.

The more I hear, the more concerned I am. He sounds extremely controlling. Food should be a pleasure as well as fuel, and even on a tight budget you can have lovely things.

I don't understand why though, if you are on a tight budget, he's eating Linda McCartney stuff and buying soup, rice etc. These are not cheap. Soup is so easy and cheap to make and always nicer than anything you can buy.

As this is such a sticking point, why not split the food budget (excluding money for non food, household type stuff) then have half each to spend as you wish? He can then eat his wierd boring stuff, and you can have what you fancy.

How is your relationship aside from these issues?

I'm not trying to get at you Escape but it reads as though you're quite passive about the food situation. It's food, you think of things you like to eat, work out your budget and buy accordingly. There really shouldn't be a situation where the budget is spent on one persons (quite limited) preferences and the other either goes along with it or is harangued and abused!

It's easier if everyone eats a largely similar diet of course but there are loads of households like yours where one is veggie or vegan and the other a meat eater, it's not at all uncommon.

Do you cook/know how? If not you should start and you'll get plenty of ideas and recipes for whatever diet or budget on MN. If you already know how then start planning and batch cooking some of the meals you do like. Put your foot down and take back some control. You're a grown woman and shouldn't have to put up with his ^my house, my rules" attitude.

I think you should ask him why what he wants to eat trumps what you want. If you don't want to eat veg soup, that's supposedly unreasonable, but he doesn't want veg cottage pie or lasagne and that's fine is it?

What a wanker. How about he can leave given you're breastfeeding his baby in the marital home.

He should not be buying ready made vegetable soup on that budget any more than blueberries.

As as student I used to make hearty vegetable soup with beans or potato every weekend. Much cheaper.

He has no more idea about meal planning and budgeting than he does about nutrition. It’s crazy for him to be in charge because aside from his selfishness he has no idea what he’s doing.

I think YABU to argue about saving money whilst buying tinned carrots.

Fresh carrots are not only cheaper but much nicer.

I couldn't live with someone unless I could eat what I wanted. Food is too important to me. I think if you have a small child, too, so other pleasures like wine, going out, cinema, etc are mostly denied you, then food takes on a greater importance, so having it restricted by someone else (and someone who has absolutely shit taste in food, too) would be too much for me.

I was initially coming on to defend the tinned veg users, they may be more expensive but can be very useful for those who struggle with peeling and chopping etc. However that doesn't seem relevant at all and OP hasn't mentioned any disabilities so yes if things are that much of a struggle then he should switch to save money.

I am getting more and more worried and sad the more I read this thread :(

Sainsbury’s is my luxury option for veggie food. Tesco have a lot and are cheaper, Asda are surprisingly good (have their own range with stuff like beetroot burgers) and cheaper yet.