DH is being dim, isn't he? Financial

[escapetothecuntree]

So we usually do our regular online shop at Sainsbury's, because this is one of the very few supermarkets that shock what DH likes for his dinners (very restrictive dietary needs).

Anyway, I've just noticed Morrison's sale the same thing for cheaper, it's on offer. Only about 30p difference, but we by several of these so it all adds up. Plus, their basics are cheaper.

DH is putting his foot down and saying no, he doesn't want to try Morrison's.

I've asked why and he says there's no point. I said we could save £5/10. He said I don't really care about saving a few quid

Yeah, like we have money to just burn

So I asked again, and he said it's just too much faff to change.
I said but I've signed up instantly. He says no, I'm comfortable with Sainsbury's so leave it at that.

AIBU to think he's being bloody dim? Why wouldn't you save just a few quid? Why spend more money, even small amounts, when you don't have to?

He's adamant it's too much hassle. And says he isn't interested in saving a few quid. It's not worth it.

For context, either myself or him order the online shop. I was going to do it so it's not like he had to go out of his way to sign up or anything. I'd already done it.

In annoyance, he's agreed to add it all up and see if there's any difference at all. Sod's law it'll cost the same overall or be more expensive.

Not really sure why I'm writing this, perhaps I just need a rant

He will most likely see the thread and get the hump. Hopefully it doesn't turn out that I'm U!

Hang on, you uave to eat veg soup which you don't like even though he insists on the same old boring, processed odd food combos.

Tell him you refuse to have veg soup in the house and throw it out.

If my DH was a committed vegetarian, then I would agree to be a meat free house if, and only if, we ate proper vegetarian meals. This limited processed diet can't be good for either you or your baby. There are some wonderfully tastey and hearty vegetarian recipes.

Tell him to stay at his mum's until he is prepared to come home and discuss a sensible compromise. Bolt the door.

He is being controlling and totally unreasonable. I'm surprised you've put up with it this long.

OP my first post was fairly flippant - I apologise. Since then I have read your updates and I’m fuming. Essentially your DH prioritises his totally unnecessary fad diet above the needs of his bf wife and baby. Not only that he expects his diet to be your priority too - and you should both make sacrifices to allow him to eat as he chooses - AND he tells you off for BU when you don’t. I’ll bet it’s not just this aspect of life he is exceedingly self absorbed about, you say he goes to the gym a lot. Does that take priority too? Believe me it will only get worse. He is totally selfish, he will never make you happy ( intentionally) as it will never occur to him to do so ( unless he gains something also). You will never be his priority he won’t ever think of you and your needs before his. Don’t keep telling yourself that one day he will notice that you always put him first and he will change. I’m not saying LTB as I don’t have enough info but please be aware of what is to come and at the very least calmly point out to him every single incidence of his selfish behaviour- hold a mirror up to him of how he behaves.

I'm also really concerned about you OP

I'm sorry to bring it up but from your SIL thread you had a 9 week miscarriage 3 days ago and he's still being so cruel.

I've had miscarriages too, I'm so sorry but if there's any time for compassion and kindness from him it would be now.

The list of foods your DC is allowed to eat is fine when establishing weaning but how is your diet any different.

Also the idea that he understands nutrition but expects you to be able to breastfeed while adequately nourishing your own body is insane.

Have you got support in RL?

Hiding Thank you I'm actually okay, still a little sad but I'm doing really well.

The thing is, he thinks I'm the one bringing this whole not eating lunch etc on myself because I don't eat what's in the house most of the time. There is technically food there

This is really worrying.

I'm veggie, and can understand non-meat households where both agree, but that isn't working out for you as a family.

He is dictating what you eat as a breastfeeding mother, and refusing to allow yourself any food that you like while he blows the budget on strawberry milkshakes and fresh blueberries?

he thinks I'm the one bringing this whole not eating lunch etc on myself because I don't eat what's in the house most of the time. There is technically food there

Food that you don't like; or to put it another way, if you were 'allowed' to choose what food to buy, you'd choose differently.

I'm sure he understands this and is being deliberately thick.

Start ordering food you want.

Oh, just catching up on posts above. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry your husband is cruel and controlling.

Get yourself a steak in while he is at his mums.

If you do all/most of your grocery shopping online I definitely recommend mysupermarket.co.uk - it will compare your basket of products across several supermarkets and you can then decide who to buy from. I love it!

He doesn't eat meat ,as it is cruel to animals .Yet he's starving you and his child for a principle .
Please leave this abusive manchild , even benefits would allow you to live without fear and eat proper food .
Your child is going to grow up with a very worrying attitude to food ,and you are heading to hospital if you cannot eat good nutritious food especially whilst you are breastfeeding . Please see your health visitor at the clinic .
I had a relative die because what food she had, she gave to her kids , just after the war she had very little choice. You do , please please take heed , you can't be any worse off

The vegetarianism is not the issue here.

The issue is one partner controlling access to food - OP doesn't have input on her own food even within a vegetarian diet. That would be a problem whatever the dietary preferences involved.

There is technically food there

Absolutely minging food.

What about food banks?

He can think that if he likes OP, the point is that he's wrong. It's up to you whether you want to continue with the vegetarian household or not, but either way the starting point is for his share of the food budget to go below 50%. You and your DS are entitled to more of it than you're currently getting.

You had a miscarriage three days ago and he won't let you have anything you want to eat? I'm so sorry about the miscarriage but I'm furious with him. Who the fuck does he think he is, having the food budget to himself?

God. At this rate I'd be the one going round to his parents' and asking for a decent dinner!

Haven’t read the whole thread....

Your DH is being a food snob.

I work in the industry - Sainsbury’s is the 2nd most expensive retailer (of the major stores). Waitrose is the first.

Morrison’s is known to be cheaper, stocks exactly the same brands and because they have ‘vertical integration’ (they own farms) their fruit & veg is better quality and cheaper.

I would just order from there.

I've never had him call me a name before

And how many times have you ever stood up to him before and stood your ground?

Does he have a diagnosis of any kind?
I hate on threads normally when people say ‘could he have depression/autism/dementia’ but the unwillingness to change, having to have the same food all the time, not being able to see something from your point of view sounds like there might be more than just being a dick.

You usually get a decent cashback rates through sites like TopCashback the first time you do an online order at a supermarket too

He sounds horrible. Can you speak to your HV or someone? You need help to either get him to see that his behaviour is not reasonable, or to get away from him. Your posts are worring to read. Just because you agreed to something once, doesn't mean he gets to insist on it for the rest of his life.

Oh, and:

• knowingly only buying food you don't like and don't enjoy and won't eat, refusing to allow you to change what you buy,

• putting you in a position where you asked him for permission to shop somewhere else (not even to buy something else) and it didn't occur to you that you shouldn't have to get his permission first

• throwing a strop, calling you names, putting you down, sulking, and walking out when you challenge him

• making you feel you're being unreasonable for daring to not want to be hungry and to be able to eat food that satisfies you and that you enjoy

All of that is restricting and controlling your intake. It is stopping you from eating. Just because he didn't march up to you and announce "I'm not going to let you eat" it doesn't mean that's not what he's doing. Very, very, very few controlling and abusive men announce it like that. They do it in a multitude of small, gradual ways so that it's harder for people to put the pieces together and notice the bigger picture.

It's really sad how many times you've leapt to his defence, but you've barely put forward your own needs to be able to eat properly, have a nutritionally balanced diet, and make choices about your own food. Don't you think that's important?

You're a grown woman, you should be able to make food choices. You don't have that. At all.

For perspective, I once found myself in the position of having to explain to my GP that I wouldn't be allowed to change my diet in any of the ways she was suggesting. I just wouldn't be able to, and I didn't dare ask. The look of absolute shock and horror on her face is probably shared by most of the posters replying to you.

Making people miserable and hungry is a very common control tactic. It wears people down unbelievably quickly.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You are an adult you can buy whatever food you like from wherever you like, that is not up for debate.

My dh wouldn't know where I bought groceries and nor do I really notice where he would pick up the shopping from- I find it bizarre that people have such strong opinions, I don't think it's down to money at all. If it was one of you would be at Lidl or Aldi for the "big shop" and the top up/special diet stuff wherever was suitable.

Am I right in thinking you don't cook at all? well you don't really need to be able to cook but sounds like it would be helpful if you had a few basics up your sleeve. Look at the BBC Good Food website at the easy/fast recipes section. There are lots of nice veggie things you could make for both of you.

tinned veg soup isn't that nutritious - can you eggs? does he mind if they are organic or does the '@@@@ idiot have a problem with that? as before - BLUEBERRIES - they are the most expensive fruit - strawberries maybe- do you have problems with soya milk? or peanut butter or home made almond butter? the way your diets going your going to land up with osteoporosis because of lack of calcium especially with a not very good vegan diet -

ps he sounds like one of those people who takes advice from the gym from people who have no expertise in diets -being a healthy vegan especially when your bf requires a very carefully thought out diet with plenty of lentils nuts seeds etc preferably with the advice of a dietician & you need far more calories than normal

Has he any good points?