DH is being dim, isn't he? Financial

[escapetothecuntree]

So we usually do our regular online shop at Sainsbury's, because this is one of the very few supermarkets that shock what DH likes for his dinners (very restrictive dietary needs).

Anyway, I've just noticed Morrison's sale the same thing for cheaper, it's on offer. Only about 30p difference, but we by several of these so it all adds up. Plus, their basics are cheaper.

DH is putting his foot down and saying no, he doesn't want to try Morrison's.

I've asked why and he says there's no point. I said we could save £5/10. He said I don't really care about saving a few quid

Yeah, like we have money to just burn

So I asked again, and he said it's just too much faff to change.
I said but I've signed up instantly. He says no, I'm comfortable with Sainsbury's so leave it at that.

AIBU to think he's being bloody dim? Why wouldn't you save just a few quid? Why spend more money, even small amounts, when you don't have to?

He's adamant it's too much hassle. And says he isn't interested in saving a few quid. It's not worth it.

For context, either myself or him order the online shop. I was going to do it so it's not like he had to go out of his way to sign up or anything. I'd already done it.

In annoyance, he's agreed to add it all up and see if there's any difference at all. Sod's law it'll cost the same overall or be more expensive.

Not really sure why I'm writing this, perhaps I just need a rant

He will most likely see the thread and get the hump. Hopefully it doesn't turn out that I'm U!

Dear god, just seen you're breastfeeding.

This relationship isn't good for you OP. He sounds abusive.

You are breastfeeding his child and he has the fucking gall to tell you there’s not enough budget for the food you want to eat?

He sounds awful

If money is so tight that a breastfeeding woman can’t have the food she wants then he definitely can’t afford to shop at Sainsbury’s. Fuck him, throw him out and eat whatever you want from wherever you want. Wearing Lady Gaga’s Meat dress.

sayhellotothelittlefella. I get a free bottle of champagne from ocado every year on the anniversary of the day I signed up.

OP I'm so sorry, your DH sounds absolutely horrendous. He expects you not to have any meat or fish in the fridge for the rest of your life? Absolutely fucking ridiculous, sounds unbearable. And he expects you to live on bread and milk for a week now? Do you have children? He's an arrogant, abusive tosser

(I say that as a strict vegetarian). My fussy eating children affect my diet in ways I don't like, I wouldn't put up with it from a grown up. If understand the no meat in the house idea (though I believe that means you need to marry a vegetarian, as I did) but everyone gets a say in what type of actual meals are cooked.

You're BFing a baby & he's not letting you buy food you want out of the money in your account? Obviously I would always support that all money is family money - but in your case it doesn't seem to work like that - your partner seems to be stuck in the 50s where his word & wants are prioritised over everyone else's. Do you /does he work? How old is the baby? How is your relationship other that this issue? Is the baby weaning yet - what will your partner do when it wants food that your partner doesn't approve of?

I'm just amazed that the OP is not allowed to buy the food she wants, but the partner is. It's so regressive.

Does he expect you to eat the carrot/lentil mush for your lunch? Do you get any choice in what you eat. He sounds very worryingly controlling about this. How will this pan out when your DC is weaning?

If money is so tight that a breastfeeding woman can’t have the food she wants then he definitely can’t afford to shop at Sainsbury’s. Fuck him, throw him out and eat whatever you want from wherever you want. Wearing Lady Gaga’s Meat dress.

That ^

Tinned carrots - Gross

This breaks my heart. You are worth so much more than this. I'm a gym freak and he has no idea what he's doing, let me tell you that.
Do you love him, does he genuinely love you? No way could I do this to anyone, let alone the person I love.

Every man I know who has had a BF wife could not do enough to ensure they were well-nourished with whatever they wanted (one going to the extent of driving miles to find the right foods).

Am I just lucky? It seems like this is normal to me, and that a man who starves you like this needs to get the hell over it and look after you.

This is getting worse and worse. So he's saying there's only enough money for the sort of food he wants and not enough for yours?

Oh this isn't the way to live. You realise he'll have your child on a restricted diet, too? Do you want her taking lentil mush to school because her dad won't allow money for her school lunches?

So you are BF and caring for a baby, probably getting barely any sleep and he is spending 75% of your food budget on shite only he eats?! WTAF!

If he has such disordered eating that it makes him panic at the very thought of having to change supermarkets, then I’m not surprised he’s controlling your food too.

This is VERY like children who may genuinely have a problem with textures, and tastes, and being picky, but end up trying to use it as a way of controlling part of their lives... except you can help them grow out of it.

If he is so skewed that he cannot see what he is doing to you (and of course the baby), he needs help.

Possibly not from you though. You have one child to look after. That’s enough. God knows what kind of relationship your child will have with food as they get older.

Horrible situation for you, but I genuinely think you need to make yourself a proper lunch every day. I know that it’s not on to do things behind partners’ backs, but in this instance.... you poor love. Hope you can find a quick way through.

Your BF and not allowed to eat meat (as a meat eater?!)? Your husband is abusive - why is he dictating what you can and cannot eat - especially as your bf?! Why are you with this man?

I'm sure he has good facets, but I think you need to draw a line in the sand over whether carrotwanker will be allowed to starve you while BF, or at all.

You have 40-45 per week for shopping, DH reserves 75% of that for himself.

So that leaves 10-15 to cover all yours and the baby's meals for the week? (I'm assuming a mobile baby of 8 months eats some solids, even though breastfed).

Is that correct? If so, your problem is definitely not 5 quid a week.

I think the thing about everything being the same hit home a little bit.

He's just adding loads of extra random concoctions to the list on Sainsbury's, onions, garlic, cucumber, peppers, blueberries...

Apart from the obvious as garlic and onion is great for adding to loads of stuff, I said "What do your plan to actually make with this stuff?"

He then says he doesn't know, he will see when he does the dinners. But he says he's trying to mix it up a bit.

I said but that won't really work unless you know what you're cooking. People usually plan meals and then add ingredients.

He repeated the "we will see when it comes to it" and I pushed again and said it won't work and you'll end up just binning stuff.

He said you know what, fuck it then. I'm not ordering anything. And again, if you want to be a fussy bitch and go eat meat, go live somewhere else".

He then left to get ready to see his mum.

I'm fuming. I feel like I constantly crave hearty foods randomly. I'll be sitting at home and sometimes I just all of a sudden really fancy a nice sandwich or hearty lasagnes.

DC has just started weaning really and he eats lots of different organic mixes such as carrots and peas, spinach, vegetables, rice...

Tell him to stay at his mums.

And while he's there but yourself all the nice food you want. His diet is horrendous and he's abusing you and your child.

Sounds like he needs bringing to heel. A grown man should not be placing what he wants and thinks above mummy and baby in the list of priorities.

You need to shut that shit down, once he has grown the fuck up a bit and moved his family into the top spot above vegetarianism and tinned carrots he will probably be happier in himself and have more self respect anyway. Perhaps get his mum involved.

People on a tight budget don't usually eat blueberries. When I was skint I ate a lot of mash. You can get sacks of potatoes really cheap.

Thing is this kind of behaviour becomes the norm to you and it isn't til you mention it to other people you actually realise it's completely wrong.

"If you like ham sandwiches go live somewhere else". 🤣

Is it normal for him to call you a fussy bitch and similar?

Onions, garlic and peppers great, they can go into some nice cheap veg curries and chilli. He can't possibly think you can afford blueberries on a £40 per week food shop though. You have apples money.

The fact is that your food budget is enough to afford you two plus weaning baby a decent veggie to vegan diet, with lots of cheap but tasty stuff like daal, hearty pulse soup, eggs on toast etc. A diet it sounds like you'd actually be ok with since your problem is with boring nasty veggie food, not a veggie diet per se. But it isn't enough to be able to buy expensive meat substitutes, soya strawberry drinks etc. Especially not if they'd have to be prioritised over nourishment for a breastfeeder.

I'm sure I can't be the only one who's feeling quite nervous reading this thread.

I'm worried for you OP.

Also it's not you being fussy is it...