To be pissed off about where we live?

[Beautifulblue]

Just a rant because I'm just PO tbh. Me (27), partner (28) & 1 daughter who is 1yo. We live (& were born in Brighton) we've made do up until this point with a 1 bed (cheap at 800pcm) but really need 2 bedrooms now DD is getting older.. problem is, we can't afford it. DP works full time, I work part time. Almost all (half decent & I mean HALF) 2 beds are £1200+ where we live. Even places within 5+ miles are the same price. How is this fair? We're being forced out of the town we were born in because of ridiculous rent prices & low wages! I just don't know what we're going to do. Places around 15-20 miles away you can get a 2 bed house for 900pcm & the wages are the same there. But all our family/friends & jobs are here. To top it off estate agents want fees, guarantors & your first born to even consider renting to you. Sick of greedy landlords & tight employers! AIBU to think you should be able to afford to stay in the town you were born in!?

I live in Brighton. I am constantly amazed that anyone can afford to rent here or in other expensive places. I am one of the lucky ones, bought 15 years ago so our mortgage payments are around £500 pm, our house would rent for £1500. No way we could afford that. Sorry OP, I would suggest moving in with parents and saving for deposit, could they help with childcare?

All of her grandparents do help out where they can but they also all work full time they're only only early 50s & have mortgages of their own. My mum would love to work part time & take care of DD she has said many times it's just not financially viable. If I worked full time when DP was also at work I would have to pay child care & due to low wages they would only cover the chilcare costs (if that) so it wouldn't make us any better off financially, unfortunately.

Thank you for the lovely comments about me being articulate. I really appreciate that, sometimes your paper qualifications do make you feel like a bit of a thicko but I know really I'm not, just bad decisions at a pinical time in my life. 👎🏼

People have to move to get what they want.its ludicrous to imagine you can just sit in your birthplace and 'soar'. Maybe some can, most can't.

I've moved lots of times across country and always had the tag 'comer inner', 'off comer' 'newbie' ~ and worse. At every move, a local has sold us their house ~ for their profit!

I can't afford to buy in the place of my birth at the same standard as I live now. It's nobody's fault. It's called a free market.

Yep we are having to move around 20 miles away from friends and family as we haven't a chance of buying a home where we grew up. Unfortunately, when our parents all settled in this area it was so much cheaper.

I'm sure once our children get to our age they will face a similar issue and likely have to move a distance. At the end of the day, as long as you have a car and can visit on weekends then you have to make your quality of living better for your immediate family.

I'm Hove born and bred so feel your pain too as I wouldn't want to move away. Prices have gone crazy. Remember though, that moving out to Hangleton or Portslade where it's a little cheaper, you are still in your home city of Brighton & Hove. Hope you find something suitable OP

Brighton is silly expensive!

Peacehaven is Fairly near, can commute to work on buses in 20-25 mins. Annual network saver bus pass isn’t much more than the city saver.
Got SO much more house for being out of the city, nicer for the kiddies too xx

So there is no imperative then to live near family?

Do an online check up and see if you are entitled to any private rented housing help with costs.

Simply Google your local council and private rented housing rent rebates. They have an online calculater to help you work out any help you can get.

I would also go to the council and make an appointment to what is now called "housing options" to see if they can help you.

They also do legal bonds for private tenants to support them with the bonds etc for housing and moving.

Get yourself on the council housing list too. You are classed as overcrowded with only one bedroom. It will probably take a while to get rehoused this way but it's about looking at all the options out there.

Housing options will go through all the options open to you

I live in a 2 bed flat for 300 a month.

Great you must think! However people are drug dealers and there have been murders in the block etc.

I want out but unfortunately they won't move us due to rent arrears and being properly housed for my needs.

Some things never change.

Back in the 1980s DH and I had our first child then found we could not afford to live where we were. DH found a new job and we moved to a cheaper part of the country, no family nearby, no friends about here, we made a whole new start. DCs are all grown up now, having had happy childhoods despite not living close to grandparents and are all doing well as young adults
I don't understand who you think should fund you to live where you want to be and why? You have a clear choice, stay where you are and compromise on what you want or make a new life

Personally I'd rather live somewhere like Brighton in a tiny flat than live elsewhere in a bigger flat or house.

As someone else mentioned upthread, there is always plenty of free stuff to do in Brighton. I spent a lot of time there as a child and love the city!

We live rurally in an area that isn't super cheap but is cheaper than your area and honestly it's just shit here; there's a small-town mentality and nothing to do!

Give me city living any day, even in a tiny flat!

If I were you, OP, I'd try and start a small business of your own that fits in around your other job and your DD; Ebay selling, ironing, cleaning, dog walking, would all be options that wouldn't require a massive start up cost.

I was very reluctant to move out of London and struggled on in a 1bed with DS for many years.
After moving to a smaller city I don't know why it took me so long!
Enormous 2 bed flat for same rent as my old flat in London. Slowly relaxing rather than feeling frazzled all the time.
I do miss London terribly but haven't regretted the move at all!

Can I suggest you work out a five year plan - that’s what we did in terms of childcare costs and what we could afford.
A nursery or childminder (childminders are usually cheaper) is expensive when the child is under 2, but then the costs start to reduce - the nursery we use the cost goes down at 2+ and 3+. You may be eligible for the free childcare hours from two, or they will be from three. You can also get govt assistance for childcare costs with Tax Free Childcare (effectively 20% off), although you do need to earn over a certain amount per week.

We did the sums with all that and worked out we’d haemorrhage money for two years (between ages 1 and 3), but then things would start to improve. The childcare would mean you could work more hours and/or give you flexibility to live a bit further away.

I would love to live in the area I grew in, but sadly there were no jobs, so I had to relocate eleven years ago. I’m now 150 miles from my family and it has made having DD hard work as we have no family support whatsoever. But it’s the only way we could work and live.

There are some very smug people on this post that think it's just a matter of making the 'right choices'. Fwiw, I made the 'right choices' as in worked hard in school, got a degree, waited until my 30's to have children, etc etc.
Then sometimes life will surprise you. I have a disabled child who I home educate as this education system is so shit for SEN children (believe me I know, I'm a teacher). I still work part time but it is a struggle.
Anything can happen to anyone at any time- illness/bereavement/divorce where you're left financially struggling.
Unfortunately, these things don't give a shit whether you have a degree or not.
I do agree OP could and should retrain (if possible) and I do believe she's looking at ways to improve her situation.'Marrying a graduate and working hard at school does not automatically get you a five storey house!

Ok, but you just need to get through the next year or so and you should have a preschool or nursery place then you'll be able to up your hours. I'd try to earn some extra from home. What about taking on some dog walking or evening babysitting?

OP do think about a 5 year plan for where you and your partner want to be, how you see life with your 6 year old daughter. Being ‘family focussed’ also means providing for your family. Surely you want more for her than to grow up with you just scraping by, when you have the intelligence to do a bit better and give her more opportunities? It is really sad that you’ve written yourself off at 26! Not everyone is super career focussed but a job that is reasonably interesting and pays quite well sounds a lot better for the next 40 years than a badly paid boring job, surely? And having a better standard of education will help you to support your daughter as she grows up.

There may well be free careers and education advice you can access via job centre/local colleges/we have a connexions service in my area. If I were you I would get as much as I could - just to understand options.

It’s really easy to feel like you have no choices, no opportunities, no better future. I’ve been there myself. But unless you have health problems or disabilities there’s almost always something you can do to improve things. Good luck 🙂

And as for ‘well that’s just the market’ the market is not a workable system because in ten years time if this wage suppression/price inflation continues there will be no one in a 30 mile radius to clean your house or pour your skinny latte or mind your dcs or wipe your elderly infirm parents’ bums or empty your bin or cut your hair or triage you in a&e or catch burglars in your neighbourhood

Sadly this isn’t the case. Those jobs will be done by illegal immigrants working 2 or 3 jobs, living in shitholes or garages where they share a room with 3 other people and washing and cooking facilities with another 15 people. Or they will be done by people who will commute in from increasingly ridiculous distances away. Look at places like Hong Kong, one of the most expensive places to live in the world. Do you think no-one cuts hair/does nails there?

On the flipside, my step-M sold her parents three storey house near the sea front for so much money, she took early retirement. It's really tough, but I don't think it's just a Brighton problem. I moved away when I was small and I couldn't afford to live in Brighton or where we moved to either.

Can anyone recommending I re-train/improve my education please point me in the right direction to do that? I only got 2 C's in GCSE's so presume I would have to do those again to then go onto some form of college course? Any advice really appreciated.

Ring the local colleges and ask to talk to someone who can let you know your options.

I admire the way you are determined to make your lives better.

I may have missed your age etc. But could you get onto an apprenticeship programme? Or look at doing a degree now that you're a little older?

These mumsnet links might be useful to you.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3276223-So-poor-and-jobs-are-impossible&ved=2ahUKEwjDpcTIkPncAhXqA8AKHdyGBJUQFjAAegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw3RcumUWfmy5BiQAesFfwMA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3276223-So-poor-and-jobs-are-impossible&ved=2ahUKEwjDpcTIkPncAhXqA8AKHdyGBJUQFjAAegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw3RcumUWfmy5BiQAesFfwMA

How can house prices be “fair”? (Or unfair, as your op suggests).
Fair to who? They’re the same price for everybody.

This link is more of a light hearted read but was very insightful I think

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3335494-To-suggest-everyones-DC-train-as-roofers-builders-and-other-trades&ved=2ahUKEwjj1q-UkfncAhWNNcAKHWS0CjMQFjAAegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw0Zp_WldU94JXww9LDFiQbI" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3335494-To-suggest-everyones-DC-train-as-roofers-builders-and-other-trades&ved=2ahUKEwjj1q-UkfncAhWNNcAKHWS0CjMQFjAAegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw0Zp_WldU94JXww9LDFiQbI

Good luck to you and your family.

Forty years ago my DH and I wanted a place where we were: Bognor Regis. We couldn't afford it so moved to an ugly house in an unattractive village in Cambridgeshire. When the DH got a job in London we sold our detached three bedder and moved down to a two bed semi in Buckinghamshire and I had to get another job too. My DH had an hour an a half commute for over a decade and then an hour's car journey (40 miles) round the M25.

Three years ago our DD and her BF tried to buy a studio flat in Zone 2 in London to be near their jobs. After two years of looking they realised they couldn't afford it and moved out to the suburbs. My DD has to travel over an hour on the Tube and pay an arm and a leg for the privilege.

We have all had to make compromises and it was ever thus throughout history. Fifteen miles is not a long commute in today's climate. You would soon be used to it and would be delighted with your extra space.