To be pissed off about where we live?

[Beautifulblue]

Just a rant because I'm just PO tbh. Me (27), partner (28) & 1 daughter who is 1yo. We live (& were born in Brighton) we've made do up until this point with a 1 bed (cheap at 800pcm) but really need 2 bedrooms now DD is getting older.. problem is, we can't afford it. DP works full time, I work part time. Almost all (half decent & I mean HALF) 2 beds are £1200+ where we live. Even places within 5+ miles are the same price. How is this fair? We're being forced out of the town we were born in because of ridiculous rent prices & low wages! I just don't know what we're going to do. Places around 15-20 miles away you can get a 2 bed house for 900pcm & the wages are the same there. But all our family/friends & jobs are here. To top it off estate agents want fees, guarantors & your first born to even consider renting to you. Sick of greedy landlords & tight employers! AIBU to think you should be able to afford to stay in the town you were born in!?

@OftenHangry it all seems very simplistic written down 'you can get a better job, or encourage DP to get a better paid job' - in reality it is not that simple.

Majority of people just realise that when something sucks, they have to go and do something about it or make peace with it.

I agree with you. & I am going to do something about it, I am exploring my options & have spent all day considering them.

@Walkingdeadfangirl - I haven't asked anyone to provide anything for me, we haven't even been claiming benefits we are probably entitled to for over a year. 🤦🏼‍♀️

This post was AIBU for expecting to be able to rent a 2 bed property in the town I was born & work in? Clearly you think I am BU?! It says a lot about our future if people are so happy for the greed of the rich to fuck those that are not.

Fuck me, it's coming to something when Danny Dyer is the voice of empathy and reason on a thread.

Please claim what you are entitled to OP. Don't worry yet about your little one needing her own room; she'll be fine for another year or so. I certainly wouldn't work more hours and miss out on my baby just to pay for a bedroom for her.

Longer term, have you thought about nursing? There are access courses and you seem to have a good standard of literacy regardless of messing about at school; you obviously aren't thick.

I am not career focused & I have no shame in admitting that, I am family focused without a doubt (& that is fine to before anyone says otherwise I don't need to justify what naturally is a priority to me) even 20 years ago, you didn't need a career to have a family home, you just had to work

But having a family and raising kids costs money. If you’ve always been family focused, didn’t you stop to consider how you’d finance having a family? I understand not caring about work in itself but if you are ‘family focused’ surely part of that is ensuring you can work to attain a standard of living for your family, even as a means to an end?

It’s fine to care more about having kids than a career but how did you expect to pay for it? As you’re clearly well aware it isn’t twenty years ago, so how things used to be isn’t relevant to your current circumstances.

OP have you considered Burgess Hill? I know it's 10 miles out of Brighton but there are direct trains to Brighton and Hove from here and you can be there in 10 minutes. There are also lots of new developments being built which include shared ownership and affordable rent properties which might be an option for you? The town is also being completely regenerated over the next couple of years.
We moved out of Brighton as we couldn't afford the prices and my DP was really hesitant to start with as all our family and friends are still there but 5 years in he has said he wouldn't move back, we are really happy where we are and still get to see friends and family easily.

Thinking about this and I know 1 person who has their own property ( rented or mortgaged not with parents) in the town the grew up in. Everyone else has either been priced out or moved out through choice. I was priced out and could never afford to move back but I like where I live now and it is probably more home than where I grew up even with family still being there.

@SLN01 I have seen some lovely properties that are affordable for us in Burges hill, so we are definitely considering it. Thank you

@TinklyLittleLaugh Thank you, no I am not thick (most of the time) 😂 Just bad choices as a teenager when adulthood & responsiblity seemed to far into the future to worry about! It sure comes round fast!

@Lindseykola I said in a previous comment further up ^ when we were both working full time we lived reasonably comfortably & I didn't foresee the financial implications of needing more space as DD grows which as said previously was naieve & stupid in hindsight. I honestly didn't know how expensive it was out there until I started looking.

I cannot believe the way you are talking about encouraging your dd to do better as though you now can’t. Are you really writing yourself off so young? You are 27 fgs. That’s oodles of time to study and get qualifications. My friend is 47. She’s just qualified to be a teacher. Ok that’s not double your age but it’s not far off. Retirement age for you is officially set at 67. That gives you and your dh 40 years to train up, get skilled and better paid job and climb up the ladder.

beautiful we have been in your situation (growing up in an expensive tourist destination that's notorious for low wages) and we had to move away, climb the career ladder and then move back when we could afford to live nearer our home towns and family again.

And actually we had great adventures living 96 tiny miles away and it changed our lives.

Don't rule it out. it does suck balls but on the other hand, it IS exciting to move elsewhere.

Less rent = saving for deposit for a house / holidays / savings for your DD

even 20 years ago, you didn't need a career to have a family home, you just had to work

In many areas, that hasn't been true for a long time. And at any rate it's a moot point, if you want a family home and to remain where you are, you have to find a way to earn more money. Otherwise, it's do what everyone else has to do: make choices. Grousing about how it's all so unfair is pointless. You can't rent a 'family home' where you want to be one what you both earn. That's the way it is. The world's not going to change.

You should look into whether you’re eligible for free childcare from age 2. Not an instant solution but something to bear in mind. Eligibility here:

www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-2-year-olds

Working tax credit eligibility here: www.gov.uk/working-tax-credit

OP this is common for a lot of people, we can't all afford to live where we grew up, you either compromise on property size or you compromise on location. We live about 25 miles from where I grew up, as London spreads the counties that border it get swallowed up in the pricing. It's the same in plenty of rural areas too where people don't move on, property is scarce and therefore expensive and unattainable for the next generation . Rents where I am are not dissimilar to those you describe. Would shared ownership be an option? It can be a good foot on the ladder in an address with a buoyant property market, keep it a few years and your equity will increase substantially, sell and move on to something you own outright, or increase your share to 100% over time

I'm not sure why you should have priority as you were born there? Places change, prices change. 10 miles isn't a massive amount to move out for cheaper rent.

I was born in Whitstable. Short of a lottery win my home town is pie in the sky. 😂

Fwiw, yanbu. Brighton is artificially expensive due to the number of holiday homes, air bnbs and buy to lets.

I feel your pain. When my parents bought their first house when I was 11 we had to move out of our village. It sucks

Portslade is cheaper, but going to get more expensive.
Have you looked at local authority or housing association, you may qualify because of overcrowding

It was the same in the 80s . Had to move from a posh London Area to a downmarket area to afford to buy a flat but it was a good start in the long run. You just shift the centre of your world after a while. At first you keep going back to your comfort zone.

Especially once your little one goes to nursery. You will meet people and you will have your work colleagues. So nothing has changed with housing. My son moved from north Surrey to Bristol to be able to buy a house. Never looked back. The world is your oyster!

I am sure it’s the same if you rent.

Look at access courses. You write really well and seem very bright to me. You could study around your dd once you get the 3 year old funding. Good luck

I went y uni in Brighton and loved living there. I worked 30 hrs a week in London while studying all to afford Brighton Rebs so feel your pain. Wish I could have afforded to haves stayed there after graduating.

Good luck on your search. I now live between Brighton and London as it’s the only place we can afford too.

Apologies for the horrendous typos
I have wet nails!!!

DP and I live halfway between our places of work - 30 miles from mine, 20 miles from his. Is being 15 miles from friends and family really such a big issue these days?

Though we both have cars so I appreciate it might not be so easy if you don’t.

I totally feel your pain! We lived in Brighton before we moved to the US, but both worked in London as it was the only way we could afford to live in Brighton and actually get to enjoy it. I’m not sure London Wages are a thing anymore, the issue is that unless you want to work in hospitality, there is very little industry in Brighton so a real lack of higher paying “professional” jobs.

We used to do a 2 hour commute each way every day back and forth between London and Brighton, but for us it was a small price to pay to live somewhere that we absolutely loved (we’re both Londoners). As frustrating as it is, living somewhere that people deem as desirable, as Brighton is, is always going to be difficult as more and more people want to live there which then pushes the price up.

A lot of our friends moved out of Brighton to Worthing, Portslade or Shoreham etc as you get so much more for your money, you can still be on the coast and enjoy Brighton and it’s a short commute. Would this be an option for you? It would feel like a big adjustment moving out of Brighton but you might end up liking it more!

Good luck and I hope you find a solution that works for you both! 🤞🏼

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