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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off about where we live?

277 replies

Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 22:11

Just a rant because I'm just PO tbh. Me (27), partner (28) & 1 daughter who is 1yo. We live (& were born in Brighton) we've made do up until this point with a 1 bed (cheap at 800pcm) but really need 2 bedrooms now DD is getting older.. problem is, we can't afford it. DP works full time, I work part time. Almost all (half decent & I mean HALF) 2 beds are £1200+ where we live. Even places within 5+ miles are the same price. How is this fair? We're being forced out of the town we were born in because of ridiculous rent prices & low wages! I just don't know what we're going to do. Places around 15-20 miles away you can get a 2 bed house for 900pcm & the wages are the same there. But all our family/friends & jobs are here. To top it off estate agents want fees, guarantors & your first born to even consider renting to you. Sick of greedy landlords & tight employers! AIBU to think you should be able to afford to stay in the town you were born in!?

OP posts:
comperdenise · 16/08/2018 23:26

sorry i might be being dumb but im new to mums net whats DD and DP hun?

Denise x

comperdenise · 16/08/2018 23:26

and PO lol

IWantMyHatBack · 16/08/2018 23:28

Moving 10+ miles isn't that big a deal Hmm
I used to live and work in a big university town until rents got too high, and we had to move a bit further out. Yes, it's shit and annoying but I'm sorry, you've just got to suck it up for now.
I'd love to live where I used to, I lived there all my life, but it just wasn't possible.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 23:31

@wonderstuff I know I do feel a bit entitled thinking it tbh, but can't help to feel a bit Angry about being pushed out.

@comperdenise
DD - dear daughter (hate this but use it cause is easier 😂)
DP - Dear partner ^ same as above!
PO - pissed off!

OP posts:
IWantMyHatBack · 16/08/2018 23:31

Btw - we were priced out at way over what Brighton prices are currently, and that was 10+ years ago. A 2 bed house near by where I used to live is £1500+ for anything not in shitsville, and has been for ages.

We're as far away from London as Brighton is, btw

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 23:33

10 miles is an issue because DP finishes work at 5.30pm & I start at 6pm. We hand over DD... he also doesn't drive (Hmm don't get me started on that) so if I drove to Brighton handed over DD at 5.30 & went to work he would have to train/bus 10 miles with DD 5 days at week... it's just fair on her.

OP posts:
tinstar · 16/08/2018 23:35

but where I live there is some hostility to people who weren’t born here, and I feel actually I have as much right to a say and to services etc as anyone who’s been here generations.

Maybe a little deference towards the feelings of people who have lived there for generations might reduce the hostility?

lunchboxloony · 16/08/2018 23:36

Sadly you are a classic example of all the arguments raised about trying to get affordable housing for young locals in desirable areas - and there is no easy solution. I live on the Wilts/Somerset border where property is a lot cheaper, but still easy access to M3 and M4. It's really lovely around here, lower crime, less pollution etc. Or Somerset/Dorset (not Bournemouth) can be a lot more affordable again. I was chatting to people outside a pub recently and they had just moved from Epsom - partly for costs, partly because it was impossible to get into to your first or second choice school etc - they said it was totally worth moving although they were away from family. But it is a really hard choice - and does depend on what jobs you both work in, some are more portable than others. I suppose at the end of the day you need to balance the housing aspect against the need to be close to family - it's never going to be an easy choice. Good luck, whatever you decide.

IWantMyHatBack · 16/08/2018 23:36

Logistics are a pain in the arse, aren't they. Can relate. My dp used to work a 5 min walk away until they moved offices, then his commute changed to 2 hours. It's shit, but you just have to find a way to work it out.

puttyandslime · 16/08/2018 23:37

I hear you and agree with you, OP. It sucks.

Move to the North East- unhelpful comment. OP has her life, family and job in Brighton.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 23:45

I'm not sure if we would be entitled to any help benefits wise - if we were I imagine it wouldn't be much but it's something I should look into. Thanks for taking the time to reply, everyone.. we will figure it out some how.

OP posts:
WingingWonder · 16/08/2018 23:45

In nicest way you can’t have it all ways, I don’t live by the sea because I can’t hace the space I’d like there or couldn’t get a job that pays my current wage there, it’s just life and choices. You’re not being forced out, no one would expect to pay same for 1 bed as 3 bed, you’re being charged 50% more for 100% more space...
you work hard but by own admission didn’t try hard etc at school so don’t have the current highest earning opportunity, so I guess given Brighton is close enough to commute to London you have people who are highly skilled highly paid etc choosing to live there because yes it’s loveky
Pause for a mo - what do you want- and not want now and in day 5 years- write it all down and it will show you clarity on goal
Now how do you get to goal eg compromise on something, apply for lists, earning potential in current job, Ré train, take on second job or more hours etc
Hope it works out for you

lunchboxloony · 16/08/2018 23:46

Round here there are some pricey places but you can also get 3 bed semis from £600 and 3 bed detached from £750, maybe not the poshest locations but nowhere round here is that bad - maybe a busy road or an ex-council property. Not saying you'd choose to move this way but just for comparison - we're probably 1.5 hours drive/train from London.

gretagerbil18 · 16/08/2018 23:49

15 miles is nothing. I live on the other side of the world from my family and my best friends! Assuming driving at 20mph which is the minimum speed limit on UK roads- you’ll be with them in an hour. That is more than doable even daily if you wanted to. I’m lucky if I see my family every year and friends every 2!

Honestly OP it’s sounding like you want it all and you just don’t have that luxury. DD1 is 23 and has to drive an hour to us 3 nights week to leave her dog with us while she works. Not ideal, but it has to be done to make it work.

You need to make some compromises

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 16/08/2018 23:54

AIBU to think you should be able to afford to stay in the town you were born in!?

unfortunately, we were both to cool for school 11 years ago

YABU. I find it equally amusing and irritating when people refuse to put the work in and then can't deal with the consequences...

sallywinter · 16/08/2018 23:55

I grew up in London, couldn’t afford to buy there so moved out to Sussex (NOT Brighton!) and am probably part of pushing up house prices where I now live. I knew I was priced out of the area I grew up in (and was renting in) when a man came out of the house opposite in tails with a royal enclosure tag on his lapel.... poor thing was probably priced out of south ken.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 23:55

@WingingWonder
@gretagerbil18
I really don't think wanting to be able to afford a 2 bedroom property for your family in your home town, when you both work is wanting it all. Granted we didn't do well at school, but I'm sure you've heard the old chestnut if we all did well at school who would do the shit jobs? We don't all have the same opportunities & even if we do some of us aren't mature enough or have the best guidance to make the most of them at the time. It's not about the sea, or that it's a lovely place... it's just home, where we know, where family & friends are.. it's not our fault that it's geographical location makes it desirable really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 23:58

@NotMyCircusMonkeys I'm just being honest, would you of preferred a sob story? Not everyone is a doctor/lawyer/professional. That's just how life is, I was an idiot 11 years ago I know that now. But I'm not asking for a mansion & 3 cars. That would be unreasonable.

OP posts:
lunchboxloony · 16/08/2018 23:58

Agree with Winging none of us can have it all. It's just unfortunate in one way if you're born in a desirable area as you will find it harder to live there as an adult. Obviously it's nice to live somewhere pleasant, and/or to live near lots of work - but there is a cost. But the biggest issue is having family there as that adds a whole extra dimension that may influence your choices. It's almost a disadvantage as it can restrict your options to move elsewhere - but of course it's very real. If family isn't an issue then you can weigh up the pros and cons very logically - but as soon as you think of family - socially, babysitting-wise, support etc - it's a whole different thing. Cake

Goldenbear · 17/08/2018 00:42

I live in Brighton and have been here for 14 years. I would argue that it's always been a bit of a transient place- the film Brighton Rock depicts it's transient nature, a place where people don't expect you to be local. I understand that people are but I wouldn't say it's comparable to being a local somewhere like Fowey in Cornwall where there is no history of 'drifters' and the 'locals' want to know everything about you. I was born in south London but can't afford to live there now, incidentally I grew up there but I didn't move from London to Brighton. During my son's time at primary I have found lots of children change and loads more DFLs (down from London) since my youngest daughter started infant school.

tildaMa · 17/08/2018 00:52

I really don't think wanting to be able to afford a 2 bedroom property for your family in your home town, when you both work is wanting it all. Granted we didn't do well at school, but I'm sure you've heard the old chestnut if we all did well at school who would do the shit jobs?

Well now that you're a bit older and hopefully wiser, what's stopping you being cool enough for school so you can get out of the shit job and earn more in a better job instead of whining how unfaaaair it is that money doesn't grow on a tree in your garden?

KatieKittens · 17/08/2018 01:10

I understand your pain- I’m priced out of the area where I grew up.

However- don’t feel as though as an adult there isn’t an opportunity for you to gain qualifications and get a better career.

Night classes are available and some entry level jobs can lead to well paid careers if you are strategic and gain futher qualifications.

Would you or your dp benefit from seeking some careers advice? It won’t change your situation overnight, but in a few years you could be in a better financial position.

Inniu · 17/08/2018 01:12

Or maybe even getting your DP to learn to drive so you can move an affordable 10 miles from family which is no distance

newcastlefcsuperfan · 17/08/2018 01:15

Op I don't think you're being unreasonable. A generation ago, you didn't need to be in a professional job to afford a modest family home, and getting a council house wasn't a pipe dream. Those blaming the OP for how she did at school are being ridiculous.
I live in what is now a ridiculously expensive area. My kids will have no chance of renting / buying anywhere in the city they'll have grown up in, unless they earn top dollar. We couldn't afford to live here had we not bought yonks ago, and we're both professionals who did very well at school Hmm
Someone above said they'd never heard of a "London wage". It was probably pointed out already and I missed it, but in the public sector you get paid extra for working there, so I imagine the private sector would be similar.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/08/2018 01:20

Hmm, I get that it's a pain to grow up somewhere lovely and be priced out.

But what about those of us who grow up somewhere shit with zero jobs and opportunities? Are we expected to stay in our grotty hometowns despite working our socks off to educate and better ourselves?

Fuck that. We are coming to the nice places.