To be pissed off about where we live?

[Beautifulblue]

Just a rant because I'm just PO tbh. Me (27), partner (28) & 1 daughter who is 1yo. We live (& were born in Brighton) we've made do up until this point with a 1 bed (cheap at 800pcm) but really need 2 bedrooms now DD is getting older.. problem is, we can't afford it. DP works full time, I work part time. Almost all (half decent & I mean HALF) 2 beds are £1200+ where we live. Even places within 5+ miles are the same price. How is this fair? We're being forced out of the town we were born in because of ridiculous rent prices & low wages! I just don't know what we're going to do. Places around 15-20 miles away you can get a 2 bed house for 900pcm & the wages are the same there. But all our family/friends & jobs are here. To top it off estate agents want fees, guarantors & your first born to even consider renting to you. Sick of greedy landlords & tight employers! AIBU to think you should be able to afford to stay in the town you were born in!?

What’s your DPs suggestion? Sounds like you are up for moving away or thinking of a bigger “new” solution and are willing to compromise some things.... is he just burying his head in the sand?

It’s so tough. People saying go back to education, move somewhere new and get a new job..... not necessarily bad ideas but all expensive ones. Really tough when you have no money to begin with. We moved far away from our London home because of affordability a year ago and are still not fully back on our feet. Moving is expensive at first. DH found a job within 6 weeks of moving but it was getting pretty desperate by that point. He has a degree but is on a low wage. I am about to start work part time but couldn’t do it sooner as couldn’t get DD into a good nursery until now (I refuse to just leave her with anyone and because we moved we couldn’t have got her on the waiting list sooner. Also because of moving we have no family etc nearby to babysit).

Yes it’s partly down to circumstance and partly down to our choices. There’s only so much in your control. These choices are tough. It’s really difficult. But you do have to weigh up what you’re prepared to compromise and what you aren’t. Good luck OP.

I agree that moving 10 miles is nothing, I've commuted to work double that amount in the past.

I ageee Magpiefeather. Some are suggesting learning to drive which I is a good idea but it is expensive to learn to drive and then you need to buy a car, insurance, petrol and to be able to afford any work that needs doing to the car. Not that simple on tight budget.

sadly the big problem with Brighton Imo is that all new housing seems to be for students.
it is so expensive here, yet wages are low. and don't get me started on the trains.....
((waves at OP))

We're another family that had to move, we moved over 100+ miles away 7 years ago from Surrey for work/affordability and it has been hard driving back for family. Our area became increasingly unaffordable so last year we moved again but this time within 10 miles to get on the property ladder. It is sad that people are pushed out but I'm not sure what the answer is.

@Samcro new housing predominately for students, sounds like Bath all over!

I’d like a time machine, not to sell off any Council housing, to prioritise locally born people on the housing list, but to link tenancy to income.
But it’s not going to happen.

People have ALWAYS moved for economic reasons. Sadly, the moves have become longer I think - instead of moving from parental home in nice part of town to starter home in less leafy street, people are pushed out to other towns. But it’s still a version of what has always happened.

You need to look at your own choices too. Not the too cool for school choice - you were a child. But now... I didn’t have a child until I was 34. I think you should have done the same, honestly. Or - accept that you have a child younger but that means you have less flexibility with work hours and need to stay in a 1 bed longer. She’s only tiny. I wouldn’t even pay the extra rent for a 2 bed even if I could afford it. If I could afford it I’d save save save, stay in the 1 bed as long as possible and use those savings on childcare later, when you’ll have much more flexibility to increase your income.

15-20 miles is hardly far. Its well commutable.

I had to move nearly 100 miles to be able to buy.

Maybe a little deference towards the feelings of people who have lived there for generations might reduce the hostility?

What does this actually mean in practice?

It's best to think about "how can I better myself so I can afford to live where I want" rather than "It all sucks because prices are too high and people are greedy".

There are so many options. Seriously.

-you can up your qualifications, it's doable. There are online/distance learning courses, evening vourses, part time courses etc. I honestly thing that UK is one of the best places for this with all the options. You can do level 3 certificate online for free nowadays. Lots of councils run great adult learning courses.
-you can start your own mini business. For example cleaning few houses a week can really help out your budget. Or ironing services. Or anything else.
Best way is to combine the two above.

-you can move (that's what people do if they couldn't afford to live in some place)
-look at changing an employer. Some pay more for the same job than others.
And more...

What you shouldn't do is get stuck that you want to be in certain place and it's not fair that you can't. You have to concentrate on how to deal with the situation long term. It's not an easy route, but it's worth it.

Definitely see if you're entitled to benefits.

I just used the Martin Lewis calculator with the info you've provided (salaries and a £1200 per month rent), and it suggests you should get:

• £17.36 per week child tax credit
• £57.26 per week housing benefit
• £20.70 per week child benefit

So an extra £95.32 per week, or around £400 a month. If you're not getting any of that at the moment it would make a huge difference to you.

Of course that does make you a housing benefit recipient and therefore less desirable to some landlords, which is annoying!

There seems to lots of people saying I want x or y recently. But don't want to be flexible or make effort to do anything. About a year ago, I was made redundant. I wanted a similar job. I moved hundreds of miles to achieve what I wanted. I don't have much sympathy for people that don't make any effort to help themselves

The fact that many areas in the south east are too pricey for people on a modest wage to live in is down to successive governments housing policy, it doesn't have to be this way. A large proportion of people will be on lower that average wages at any given time, I don't think excluding them all for swathes of the country is good for anyone.

Nor is it helpful to imply people aren't earning enough because they are lazy, it is quite simple, not everyone can earn a high salary and plenty of people work very hard in lower paying work that is important for society and/or the economy.

I feel your pain OP. I grew up in a council flat in London. It very much feels like my home town.

I had that feeling of being forced out around the time I left home. It's frustrating because if possible you want to stay close to family & friends.

We've gradually moved further out and are now 'hanging on' to the outskirts of Greater London! We did buy a flat just over 10 years ago. Only what we could afford so very modest. We have since grown out of it and moved to a house. We faced a similar dilemma again about whether to stay in the area, move a bit further or relocate. The main problem was that house prices have shot up due to the cross rail arriving.

I guess the two choices are either moved slightly further out to a cheaper area or make a break for a fresh start somewhere new.

Bloomin’ hell, I thought you were gonna say you’d have to move 100 miles away! 10-20 miles is nothing, I can’t believe people would even consider that to be an issue you seem willing but your DP is dragging his feet and his refusal to drive is restricting your options too.

What’s his suggestion then?

He needs to learn to drive ASAP and then you can move. 10-20, even 30 miles really isn’t far. You can still see family a few times per week easily.

You’re only 26, when you decided to have your daughter did you both really crunch the numbers and accept you’d be raising her on a low wage (as it’s much harder to improve your prospects with study etc when you have a small child)?

There’s no reason you can’t get back to studying and find a new career at your ages. But in the immediate term, yes absolutely move.

I hear you. I was born in a London borough and came back here after uni. I met now DH who was from another London Borough a couple over. We didn’t want to be too far from family when we started a family so stayed in (outer) London but it’s crippling. We ended up buying a house a few years back for £400k that would have cost half of that up north, but it’s a London tax and we wanted to be here so had to pay it.

I agree it’s shit and when a friend brought a bigger house than ours in a northern town for £80k I was most irked but it is what it is. Either move or pay the money I’m afraid.

Sympathy though because it’s shit and unfair.

Thanks for your comments everyone, sorry I haven't replied earlier but I wanted to read them all & haven't had a chance until DD napped. I'm feeling much more optimistic today & less sorry for myself! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I've actually contacted a mortgage advisor for free mortgage advice this morning, it
Might not even be possible but I want to explore the option. Maybe a first time buyer scheme or we could move in with parents to save for a deposit. I'm feeling less in a rush today as well, we've managed in a 1 bed up until now & we can manage a bit longer so we'll take our time & im sure an opportunity will arise if we keep plowing at it!

What you shouldn't do is get stuck that you want to be in certain place and it's not fair that you can't. You have to concentrate on how to deal with the situation long term. It's not an easy route, but it's worth it.

Great post, Often.

OP, it’s not in your control to upend the housing market and make it magically possible to rent cheaply wherever you fancy. So what’s in your control?

Where you live, what your job is, whether you choose to study further to increase your employability.

At 22 I was on minimum wage with zero prospects of ever earning more than that, despite having a degree (which means nothing unless it’s usable), doing shit boring jobs I hated. So I volunteered my arse off, went back to uni, did an MA in a more practical subject (a profession), moved 50 miles for a good job (which is nothing with a car), did further training. Now I’m on £35k with a lovely partner earning the same (when I became single I realised I really didn’t want to get stuck in a relationship again with someone with no prospects, struggling our whole lives and unable to give future children the lives I would want to), saving and planning our future. Our professions’ pay scales indicate in two years we’ll be on £80k combined. Which should coincide with our first child, all being well!

I purposefully didn’t have kids any sooner as I knew I wasn’t in a position to afford them. Getting the life you want is hard work. Complaining about it solves nothing. Put that energy spent complaining at how unfair it all is to better use, figure out how to better yourself. There are examples all over MN of women who’ve realised they’re not where they want to be, put the hard work in and ended up in a much better position.

Similar problem but different. I’m in the North but in a desirable city (yes those do exist up North!). Desirable for young couples, students, southerners wanting somewhere cool like London but also not as extortionate, young families etc. It’s a bit of a hipster city nowadays. I was born and grew up here so my family are here, my career is based here and my DC were also born here.

DP and I wanted to finally get on the property ladder. We can’t find one in our budget in a decent area in this city at all. We’ve been priced out. Our rent is astronomical atm hence wanting to buy but it’s just too pricey for us. We are two degree bearing professionals fwiw. We have had to buy a house in a quieter town about half an hours drive away. Longer commute for us both, means moving my DC’s schools etc but needs must.

Just too expensive there now. Similar prices for alcohol to London too which is insanity.

We had this issue when DD1 was born, except it was Bristol rather than Brighton that we were priced out of.
We ended up moving 140 miles away for a job opportunity and for cheaper housing. Not ideal but it is what it is. Unfortunately compromises have to be made in life.

I think YANBU for wanting to continue to live in the place where you are happy and where your family is. The acceptance that we don't have the right to have these basics is doubtless part of what sees England low in all the happiness indexes for developed countries.

The lack of fight against the current position with UK housing on this thread (just suck it up and move) and the blame (you should expect to suffer as you messed up in your teens) seems to say a lot about the overall attitude in this country that has allowed London property to be corrupted into a home for the world's dirty money and other areas/developments to be sold abroad as investment opportunities first and foremost. This together with the complete change in attitude that meant that the belief we used to have that key workers should be provided with subsidised homes in the areas they live in was seemingly replaced with one that they too should just suck it up and be exhausted, travel miles to work, not see their kids has all added to the miserable position London and the South East are in and other larger cities are starting to experience.

I'd say, get involved in local politics, don't think it's not for you or you are not up to it because you don't have qualifications. Find like minded people and see if you can make a difference.

I too live in Brighton and have done for 25years...... tbh we have always moved a little bit further out than our mates to get more for our money (still in city limits). So my advice would be to go west. I think your issue is that you are quite young and brighton is a lively city where people are young at heart. So when I was 20 I wouldnt have dreamed of even living in Preston Park let alone hove as it was "in the middle of no where!". But thats just becuase I wanted to be in the thick of it. Now when I moved to Hove 15 years ago I couldnt have imagined of going to Portslade or Southwick - now it doesnt seem like a bad choice as we go out less, what with work and kids etc.

I know its rubbish but at the end of the day none of us can have it all.
You chose not to work as hard and Brighton wages are notoriously shit. You choose to work in Brighton rather than commute, you chose to have a child and you are now choosing not to go back to night school to requalify to enable you to earn more money in 5-10 years time. In the nicest possible way, these are choices you have made and there are consequences to all of our choices. This is one of the hardest things to accept about being an adult IMO, is that things can be and are your fault / or as a direct result of your actions.

My BF lives in Worthing, and its so much nicer than it used to be when I worked there 15 years ago. 2 bed flat in reasonable and central part (ie near train station) are around £850-900. You can still get to Brighton pretty easily, and you are still by the sea. So I think you need to write down what your top 3 priorities are:

More space / Be by the sea / Dont pay more than £900 in rent - in which case you have to move to Lancing / Worthing / Newhaven - that is just the way it is, and accept you will have to travel to see people.

However if your priorities are: Say in the town we grew up in / Be close to my mum / dont pay more than £900 rent - then you have to stay in a 1 bed flat - and your compromise is having no space.

None of us get all the things we want - I run my own business, and so I aways go to pick my kids up and am with them whenever they need me, never miss sports day etc. And then yesterday when one of y DC was in hospital I was still having to deal with emails. Its called life...... its full of compromises. Sad but true Im afraid. If you lived in a massive house bought 30 years ago in Hove Park, that you now inherited, you would have massive council tax bills, leccie, how would you afford to repair the roof, or get a new kitchen as all of that stuff costs far more money that it needed too. I think you should make a 5 year plan - reskill yourselves, move out to Worthing to not pay more rent and make the best of still living near family and friends.

Thanks @PollyChockola

I am a firm believer in "you make your bed you lie in". Lots of people have to really change their mind set. Good life is achievable, but one has to compromise and do something for it. People cannot expect others to do it for them.

I don't know if people realise that UK is indeed a country with just amazing opportunities where one can go and do great things with their life. Maybe people who grew up here take things for granted and so dismiss or don't realise this? I don't know.
It can take 5 (sometimes less, sometimes more) years to go from 0 with no references, shitty room in sharehouse and not so great language skills to good job, good pay and good quality of life. Logically it could take less time to a native with work references, no language issues and UK qualifications? But again. It's not easy route and it requires really wanting it.
Don't wish for things. Want them and go get them.

@18changeasgoodas it's the same all over the world. In some countries prices have risen even more than here.

I haven’t read the whole thread but I agree with the OP. I am from the same area but the only way that we could afford to buy an okay house without a massive mortgage was to move to another region. I miss it and feel a bit sad when I read in interiors magazines about people who have moved out of London and have lovely houses in Brighton/Hove that are way beyond my means, even though DH and I have reasonable salaries.