Not sharing recipes

[ThreeHousesNoHouse]

Aibu to find it annoying and childish when people don’t share recipes. As if it makes them special to be the only one who can make a dish.

Even giving a general direction is fair enough e.g. the chicken has paprika and cumin or ‘I put beetroot in the chocolate cake but it’s a family secret recipe so I won’t go into detail’ is fine.

My mil once told me the recipe for dh’s favourite stew she made ‘is somewhere on the internet maybe’ eyeroll.
At least own it and say ‘I want to be the only one able to make his favourite dish’.

It’s more weird when vague acquaintances won’t share. E.g. church bring and share, but won’t share the recipe.

If I make the cake at the next bring and share we will all know it’s Gladys’ recipe. If I make it at the school cake sale how will that affect Gladys?

Don't really see the issue in sharing recipes, anyone with trained tastebuds and a bit of skill in the kitchen will be able to work out what the ingredients are, how to make, cooking is not rocket science, even the much guarded family recipes.

Food and love are closely connected in my world.

Yes! Some of our family recipes were huge because we had some generations who practised feeding substantial numbers of people every week as part of the Seven Corporal Works of Mercy (they also housed people, visited the sick and imprisoned, buried the dead etc.).

The thing is, how often really will the person asking for the recipe be making it for the same people? I bake a lot, much of it finds it's way into the staff room and I'm always happy to share recipes. I think it's a real compliment if someone uses one of my recipes for their friends or family.
The fact is, most recipes I use are not 'mine' they're my version of something. Soup Dragon's flapjacks are amazing, I have it in my cookbook as Best Ever Flapjacks, but sometimes I use caramel instead of condensed milk, or add coconut or whatever. I'm 100% certain my making them, or tweaking the recipe, has had zero impact on Soup Dragon but I'm very grateful to her.

I’m deeply, deeply offended that you mess with it...

I tweak it all the time too - adding ginger is good.

It’s only a tweak of a recipe I found on the Internet anyway :)

They go down really well at school, thank you for sharing

For people who make SoupDragon's flapjacks, the other half of the tin can be used up by baking a half-recipe of Condensed Milk biscuits - any sprinkles/coloured chunky sugar will do for the topping.

Oooh I was dreaming about flapjacks earlier.

If you feel you are ‘giving away your power’ by sharing, I think you must feel very weak to start with.

Everything we have is from sharing. We are the beneficiaries so why not share.

‘Wow, what’s that you’re wearing instead of a fur loincloth?’
‘Oh, it’s cloth, but I won’t tell you how it’s made, it’s secret family knowledge’.

*
‘Wow, Mary! You don’t have a latrine, your poo gets flushed away!’
‘Yeah, sorry, it took my husband a long time to invent so we are only telling our son’

I found out about the etymology of the word recipe. On the internet. For free.

I wonder how many inventions have been lost to humanity through the miserly attitude some have.

BiggerandBetter

I think this is it really.

If you feel you are ‘giving away your power’ by sharing, I think you must feel very weak to start with.

How difficult it is to understand the concept of power in this sense

DCat
I think I do understand. If you feel your special flapjacks are the thing that make you special then you won’t want others to be as special as you, or to see you’re not really special because it’s just an extra egg.

If you feel confident, someone could dress in your clothes and make your food, but you still know you are amazing and nothing can take that away.

It's not right to say some Italian families won't share. There's someone who is going round Italy now persuading very elderly ladies to share their family pasta recipes which then go on to a youtube site. Many of them are only too delighted because their DC and GDC aren't interested.

Another who loves to share recipes and can't understand why you wouldn't!

I have my mother's and nonna's recipe.

Well, the problem being... "Just add water until it feels right."
"Add whatever vegetables are in the garden / pantry." "The amount of sugar depends on the apples..."

So yeah. The issue isn't them not being willing to share. It's the fact that there are very, very few "exact" recipes in my family...

I have my mother's and nonna's recipes

Plural

I'm 'famous' in my family for an amazing baked cheesecake I make. I only make it at Xmas and it's bloody delicious!

However, and they all know this, it's a recipe from an Asda magazine from 10 years ago! But as far as my family are concerned, it's my cheesecake!

I have two conflicting viewpoints atm regarding recipe sharing (call me a hypocrite!)- I love sharing recipes with anyone who will listen and most of mine have begun elsewhere and been bastardised by me, but I am also of the 'chuck stuff in til it tastes right' school of thought so it can be hard to tell people exactly what i've used and in which quantities. I will always endeavour to hazard a guess and hand over info at the drop of a whisk. It makes me happy. Ego much?!

However- I am a chef. I am the only chef at my current workplace and so all of the recipes used are mine. Not like I invented chilli or brownies but for consistency I do everything my way. Literally no-one else cooks the items. If I were to leave, and it annoys me that I am thinking like this, I think I would take the recipes with me. Who the fuck do I think I am? 😂

Well my reply above made as much sense as my recipes! Hope you get the gist!

Also, for clarity (which seems to be eluding me this evening!) none of my secret ingredients are packet sauce mixes or ketchup but most recipes will include the words 'add a fuck tonne of butter' and I happily include it on said recipe for all to see.

I do use packet sauce mixes and ketchup if the occasion requires it, but I don't keep that a secret either! Bare Naked chef.

OP Wow. Are you so spectacularly naive about "power"? Is it a reverse?

Refusing to share is a bit sad imo. Sharing and discussing recipes is part of the fun of cooking for me and I love it when people ask.
I only encountered this attitude once. Some friends were discussing roast potatoes which DH and I happen to feel we cook pretty well. So there was a discussion about what type of potatoes, par-boiling, cooking fat etc. One person said "Oh but mine are the best" then flat-out refused to tell us her 'secret'. Bearing in mind that none of us had ever tasted her roasties or were likely to, it just seemed rather wanky. Reading this thread I'm now suspecting Aunt Bessie

add a fuck tonne of butter' and I happily include it on said recipe for all to see.

SilentBob - I had a friend who trained with Julia Childs. His addition to many recipes or method to 'fix' some dishes was pretty much to "add as much butter and cream as it takes to come right". :)

add a fuck tonne of butter
A very health-conscious friend asked for my 'recipe' for mashed potato recently (it's all about the potatoes round here) as her children had been complaining hers weren't as good. I had to admit that the FTB was indeed my secret

@arranfan Amen! Me, Julia Childs and your friend can't all be wrong!

@mothersanonymous Mash should never be seen as a health food! You know how pastry is half-fat-to-flour? I'm reckoning my Mash is half-Potato-to-butter-and/or-Cream.

Loving how my autocorrect capitalises Mash!

OP Wow. Are you so spectacularly naive about "power"? Is it a reverse?

I suppose I am that naive. Please enlighten me.

@SilenBob

It is your livelihood. You are operating at a high level and the tiny tweaks you make affect your employability. I’m sure even you would tell me the salad has walnuts, blue cheese and olive oil.