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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to post Dsis her kids back and ruin her holiday?

433 replies

Santasjinglebelle · 15/08/2018 22:21

WTAF to do?
Agreed to have niece (8) and nephew (7) over to stay for a while so Dsis and hubby can attend destination wedding/ first holiday without kids in tow.
Last time they were here I put them both in pyjamas pants as I know that they're prone to accidents and I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.
Dniece pipped up earlier to tell me me that neither of them will be wearing pyjama pants this time round as their mummy told them not to.
Thinking they must have misheard, I call Dsis to get her to speak with them. Dsis proceeds to berate me for wanting to "humiliate" her children. Apparently pyjamas pants encourage bedwetting by infantilise slow developers - better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way.
Before I could get out any kind of response she fobbed me off with some shite about a dodgy line and hung up!!
WTF am I supposed to do? They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets! Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.
No other relatives near enough to pawn off on, niece is adamant, nephew does what his sister says and Dsis not answering phone anymore.
Hubby's response (he was joking) "try Easy jet." But now I'm seriously considering this, WIBU?

OP posts:
JellySlice · 16/08/2018 09:30

If your dsis is being so stubborn and unhelpful,

Actually, that was over-generous of me. Your sister is being a CF.

PookieDo · 16/08/2018 09:47

I would not punish my DN’s for this
I look after my sisters children and piss and shit comes with the territory for quite some time!

allflownthenest · 16/08/2018 10:00

I would insist, my nice was a late bedwetter as was my dd. When they are at home fine leave them to 'stew' but when away they have to wear pullups. My dn always used to come with them and she put them on as her mum would say you have to when staying away. She never made a fuss and always disposed of them herself.

More recently ended up looking after DGD, 21/2, for 2 nights, was told she wakes about midnight just for reassurance so of course I didn't sleep, went into her about 1am and she had taken her nappy off, bed was soaking, put nappy back on and took her in with me, she then took it off again early hours and wet my bed and me :( we were staying in an airb&B so all single beds and no more sheets, also I had to go to DSD1 wedding on about 3 hours sleep......

BakedBeans47 · 16/08/2018 10:02

Get them into pyjama pants. She can deal with pissy bedsheets and trying to get them dry at night herself.

ThisMorningWentBadly · 16/08/2018 10:03

I thought nighttime dryness was all about whether or not your body produced the right hormones?

I think it’s really unkind to make a child sleep damp - anything other than pj pants is downright cruel.

For the record DS1&2 were dry overnight from 18months (daytime took a lot longer though).

BakedBeans47 · 16/08/2018 10:07

And while it’s not particularly unusual for older kids not to be dry at night it does seem quite unusual that neither are at those ages. There may be health issues or it may be parenting.

purplelass · 16/08/2018 10:09

The kids are old enough to understand what's happening, give them the choice of helping to wash sheets or wearing pyjama pants?

Fabricwitch · 16/08/2018 10:20

Your house your rules.
If they really refuse/take them off at night, then go to their house and get their mattresses and sheets so atleast their not peeing on yours! And they'll be the ones cleaning the sheets.
I can't believe your DSis left them with you without discussing this!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 16/08/2018 10:21

Not sure what your GPs surgery is like, but ours wouldn't give DD her vaccines when her GM took her without calling and checking I or DH had given permission first. We hadn't thought MIL taking DD would be an issue I'd gotten a last minute emergency appointment at the hospital and couldn't rearrange DDs injections as I'd booked the appointment and already called about rearranging, but as MIL doesn't have PR they refused until I OKed it.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 16/08/2018 10:22

Sorry, wrong thread totally!

Your house your rules though I'd say Blush

RoseWhiteTips · 16/08/2018 10:23

This reply has been deleted

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Mishappening · 16/08/2018 10:24

You are doing her a huge favour, so the decisions are yours.

Are the children simply refusing to wear them?

confusedmomm · 16/08/2018 10:27

Your house, your rules.

serbska · 16/08/2018 10:32

And while it’s not particularly unusual for older kids not to be dry at night it does seem quite unusual that neither are at those age~

Pretty sure there is a hereditary link with ADH production?

Your Sis has been a right CF but don't punish the children.

They have to wear pull ups at yours though, and be involved in the stripping, washing and bed making. Get a waterproof protector on so your mat doesn't get damaged.

I would get the DNs to do it pretty much all themselves with you overseeing. Be nice, but they do the work.

Also all the usual advice, water only during the day, no drinks before bed, in my day we used to lift but I believe that is no longer encouraged.

Knittedfairies · 16/08/2018 10:33

I might have missed this, but what does your sister do at home? Does she wash sheets constantly? I’m wondering whether your sister has left night-time training to you...

DarlingNikita · 16/08/2018 10:41

Insist, kindly, that they wear the pants while they're sleeping at your house. I'm not sure about getting them involved in washing and sorting the beds; won't that just make them feel embarrassed and resentful about it?

But tear your sister a new one when she gets back and make clear that you won't have them again unless she's willing to help you out about their night-time rules.

JurassicAdventure · 16/08/2018 10:45

I've taken well over 1000 7-14 yr olds on various brownie/cub/scout/guide camps and sleepovers. It was not at all unusual to have 2 or 3 in pj pants/ bed mats. We always took a spare sleeping bag or two "incase someone spilled their water in the night" people are different and do things at different times. (Things like adhd, dyslexia and dyspraxia can cause delayed night-time dryness but sometimes it's just one of those things)

purplelass · 16/08/2018 10:48

I'm not sure about getting them involved in washing and sorting the beds; won't that just make them feel embarrassed and resentful about it?

Depends on how you approach it - if they see it as a punishment then yes, if they see it as just one of those things which has to be dealt with then no.

Mia1415 · 16/08/2018 10:50

If it was normal/average/standard to wet the bed at 7...8...9, then no doubt pull ups would be made in that size.

They do. They sell them in Tesco!

Windmillsinsummer · 16/08/2018 10:50

If your sister still won't answer the phone send look up flight times and tell her you've booked a return trip for you and 2 singles for them your flight will arrive in destination airport she needs to pick them up as you will be getting onto the return flight. Bet she phones and says pullups are fine!

widgetbeana · 16/08/2018 10:52

I haven't read the whole thread, but in general I agree that expecting you to clean up two loads of bedding (or more) a day is not reasonable.

I would say that you are pleased they think they are ready to try without the pyjama pants. Tell them if they can show you 3 days of dry pyjama pants then they can get rid of them.

So you aren't giving in to your sisters demands, but also not ignoring the children. And if they are truly ready then they can show you.

It's the best compromise I can think of.

Mincingfuckdragon · 16/08/2018 10:56

To placate your sister who wants them to feel wetness, can you not put their underpants on but put the PJ pants over the top?

theSnuffster · 16/08/2018 10:56

The ability to be dry at night is hormonal- it can't be trained or controlled. I was told that the GP won't even want to discuss it until the child is 8.

My son was 7 when he stopped wetting at night and my daughter was 2- they're all different. It's really unfair to say it's down to bad parenting!

gnushoes · 16/08/2018 11:02

There are some mad responses on this thread. In most cases late bedwetting is caused by the lack of a hormone which slows wee production at night. I've known children wet until the age of 12 - they stopped if they had desmopressin for holidays or sleepovers. Unimpressed by your sister though.

annoyed1212 · 16/08/2018 11:09

Agree your house, your rules. I would be livid in your situation. A ruined mattress is expensive to replace.

My DC2 is nearly 6 and still has a wet nappy. Pull ups leak so its actual size 6+ nappies we have to buy. DC1 was dry at 3, hasn't had a problem since.

I feel genes can sometimes play a part. DH was in nappies until 8, 9. MIL tells me when they went shopping he would proudly carry them home himself Grin so not unusual or anything to be ashamed of. DH's nephew is 9 and still has the occasional accident.

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