Email from school that I probably wasn't supposed to see - f**king livid!

[FidgetyFingers]

I requested a copy of DS2's (secondary) school record when he left there a few months ago. He has quite severe SN, NHS paediatrician diagnosed with his assessments taking place at this school.

Enclosed in the paperwork was an email from his form tutor, his form tutor for 4 years, to the inclusion manager, stating that I had been on the phone to her as I was very unhappy about detentions 'again' for minor transgressions in the scheme of things and 'that I expected special treatment for my son due to his 'SN'.

DS has severe learning difficulties with several other co morbid difficulties and never should have been in mainstream school anyway but there was no choice as I couldn't get him an EHCP.

I am so fucking angry as this proves they never took his SN seriously at all which they proved in the way they treated him!

I also found a copy of an email from said inclusion manager to all his teachers outlining DS's behaviour plan and stating that if he failed to get enough points, he would be excluded.

Same woman sat across from me in a meeting with the Board of Governors insisting that I must have been mistaken when I said that she'd told me this on the phone.

I am absolutely disgusted that such people exist and are in authority of vulnerable children .

AIBU?

OK, just had a response from a friend who is a teacher (paraphrasing):
'we do it as standard - the whole class will start spending time with their new teacher towards the end of the summer term. Children who we think are especially vulnerable will get extra support - visits to the new classroom and probably a visit at home.'

And it's not 'doubling up' the work - DD treks up with the worksheet (the walk between classes will have helped) settles herself down and gets on with it (or stares into space). Other teacher says 'hello DD's-name', have a seat'and gets on with whatever they are doing. No spotlight on DD (which would make her more anxious), no drama. Just an accommodation for a child who needs it.

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/212897
Reading through this thread there seems to be a lot of blame game. The system IS shit, Government needs to change the system. Parents and teachers shouting at each other solves nothing so read, sign and share the petition.

CantStoptheSignal
I do accept that it's difficult but it is not the same as parenting a child with SN which your comments implied when you said youveel bad for Dani having one SN child but you have 30. You are not responsible for those 30 children 24/7, you aren't the one lying awake at night worrying if they'll ever live independently or about the suicide statistics for adults with their particular set of SN, you're not the one navigating the minefield of professionals to try and get them a diagnosis, get them help, get them what they need, you're not the one getting filthy looks on the bus or in the street or at the shops because your child is having a meltdown, you're not the one having people smirking or laughing at the sight of your child stimming in public or having to explain that him chanting "for god's sake, die!" is echolalia rather than an actual threat and he just happens to have siezed on a rather unfortunate phrase. Looking after SN children is your job, not your life so trying to one-up Dani and play a game of "who has it harder" by saying you have 30 SN children is patronising and failing to acknowledge how difficult it is to raise a SN child.
Adversarial bollocks. Sorry.

@pengggwn It might not be a big deal. Then again, it might.

So you agree that in itself it is not an unreasonable request?

Only that there may be specific circumstances where it is not possible?

This thread is bonkers.

There is not enough help for children with send however, it is not up to individual Teachers to finance this.

My dd was let down by her senior school. The head of year made absolutely no allowances what so ever for anyone who was 'different '
I asked her if she would prefer transferring to another school, she said no.
I'm talking about exclusion for offenses such as daring to wear boots or trainers when it was heavily snowing and her refusal to wear a pair of second hand shoes which the school insisted she wear. Her then refusal to walk 2 miles home in the snow to put on 'proper ' school shoes which were inadequate for the snow but you know God forbid that she isn't in school uniform . Her getting upset because I am at work and therefore unable to bring in her flimsy school shoes as the head of year demanded if her.
I work in a school.
I would never, ever treat a child like this , ever. Neither would I tell a student to phone their mother and demand they drive in the heavy snow and being in shoes.
After all of this my dd did get a diagnosis and school changed towards her and she was given extra time in exams and such.
However before this I was spoken to in a dismissive manner and told that rules were rules.

Allington

That's what I said all along.

pengggwn
I can see that it might be more difficult in some cases but sometimes making these simple adjustments can make life less difficult later on.

JimmyGrimble

Sometimes. And sometimes it isn't. It depends on what is being requested in context.

Who said it’s up to individual teachers to finance SEN?!

I think the point is SEN funding, particularly for those without EHCP’s is lacking. So if you get a child who’s needs go above and beyond the budget, apply for an EHCP and the extra funding it brings!

As an aside at parents evening after her diagnosis, a lot of teachers seemed kinder her and some even said to me, so that's the reason she takes a long time to digest information!!
I'm not into teacher bashing but bloody hell id been saying to them all along, she isn't being naughty, she is just a little different and needs things explaining to her!

Allington

Sorry, just as an aside: what reason did they give you?

@Claw001
Except that the SEN budget nowhere near met the needs of all of the pupils that needed it.

We were funding many hours of additional help for pupils that didn't have EHCP and so weren't receiving extra funding. Pupils transferring mid year often had additional needs but previous schools hadn't applied for EHCP and so we were starting from scratch. Same for pupils coming from primary school. The LA delayed every step of the way and often EHCP were refused and then went to appeal etc. Meanwhile the students were still in school and needing a lot of support to access lessons, to prevent disruptive or dangerous behaviour, to prevent the risk of exclusion etc. We were trying to provide the level of support that we hoped would be prescribed in the EHCP while waiting for the EHCP. But as hard as everyone tried, the money was not there.

Our Head Teacher was a man of principle. He made sure that we considered the child's needs first and foremost, before considering league tables etc. Decisions were made in the child's best interests only. But it's not sustainable. The resources are not there and teachers are not miracle workers. They cannot bridge every gap. We had teachers going out every day and collecting pupils who were persistently absent (because parents could not make them come to school). They spent hours attending meetings for children at risk of CSE, domestic abuse, safeguarding meetings and this isn't even considering their teaching responsibilities.

I get that as a parent your only concern is your child. You have 1 child's needs to consider. Schools have to consider every child and their needs - whether that be SEN, AMA, emotional difficulties, disruption at home etc.

It's the same with every public service isn't it? The rights and needs of the individual have to be balanced against the rights and needs of the whole.

I think the only answer is for parents to educate themselves. To advocate for their child. But not to see schools or teachers as the enemy.

I saw a good many teachers leave because they were burnt out. I think sometimes they have to detach themselves because they just cannot take on every fight themselves.

And I know of a Head that stood up to the LA. He was sacked, along with the Governing Body. That's why many teachers won't rock the boat.

@penggwn

No reason given. Just that it isn't what they do.

And you launched into 'of course it is unreasonable' loooong before you asked their reasons... because of course parents are unreasonable in their demands.

As I said earlier - this thread shows the way so many parents of children with SN are treated when they request reasonable accommodations. Not possible, you are being too demanding, we have 30 other children - not sitting down, listening to the request and thinking about whether it could be done.

Or, of course, as clairetree2 showed, completely failing to understand what is being asked and pouring scorn on the parent for suggesting it...

I think the only answer is for parents to educate themselves. To advocate for their child. But not to see schools or teachers as the enemy.

I walked into DD's school expecting to be treated as a partner. Instead I was treated as the enemy, every suggestion I made rejected as unworkable, DD 'diagnosed' with all sorts of conditions they had no competence to diagnose, requests for assessments then ignore what the assessment says and wait a bit then want another assessment, attacks on my parenting to the point of making false allegations in one referral they made (luckily DD was still LAC, and their report of a couple of months previously mentioned nothing of these 'concerns' and they were unable to substantiate it with any detail).

Yes, I would love to approach this as a team. But I have reached the point where I won't meet with anyone from the school without an independent third person as a witness.

Needless to say, I am trying to move schools, but don't want to be out of the frying pan into the fire.

Allington:

Here's my first comment:

Unfortunately the request to get to know the new teachers (all of them, I assume) before the end of the previous school year would be, quite simply, unworkable in many schools without putting the child into a whole set of new lessons. I can think of multiple problems that would arise. Parents need to discuss what 'reasonable' means, not make demands.

DD is in primary, one teacher.

A number of teachers - including one on this thread, have confirmed that what I asked for is fairly standard in their schools and perfectly reasonable.

Why do you imply I demanded it - where have I said that?

Allington

I know that now. I didn't then. My point stands: it isn't enough for you to say what you are asking for is perfectly simple/reasonable/workable. In a school there are many factors that come into these decisions, so "reasonable adjustment" is not something a parent can declare. It takes a conversation. I haven't had the impression throughout this discussion that you believe yourself to be anything other than completely right, no discussion needed.

In this situation - yes. Taking soundings from teachers I know.

You seem to be incapable of accepting that schools often are unreasonable and inflexible. The school is always right - it's the parent who is unreasonable and demanding...

All too often 'reasonable adjustment' in a school's view is doing ANYTHING differently for any reason - no matter how small the change. Children who can't comply should just go somewhere else (except there is nowhere else)

Allington

That is not the case. At all. All I have said is that what is "reasonable" has to be decided in context. You refuse to accept this. Funny, eh?

Just as funny as you deciding from the start that I was being unreasonable... although as a number of teachers have said, it wasn't unreasonable, and is standard in many schools.

Do you believe that a school would make false allegations for example?

Even my ds brilliant secondary get things wrong re small things like uniform.
He went in trainers with a note explaining he was struggling with his legs and pain.
Tutor emailed me saying where's medical evidence.
I pointed out (politely!) his EHCP mentions everything about neuromuscular disorder but I'd Send in medical reports.
Reply was they accept trainers this week but "fully expect" him back in school shoes the following week and no need for medical reports.

I don't fight battles so ignored the timescale on the reasonable adjustment in case he was fine!
I also ignored the no need for medical records and sent in his VERY detailed neuromuscular report with his CP diagnosis on stating it would be more useful than EHCP as explains it better.

Irony is following week he was better and wore school shoes - then some yr11 took them off him and threw one over a fence and it was lost. So he was back in trainers again.

Shoe was found and I think they were more co operative because I mentioned it had his orthotic in and they'd read his medical info.

But yes, they shouldn't have made a fuss re shoes in the first place but I can honestly see that tutor was acting in line with school policy and some leniancy and reacting badly wouldn't have helped.
If he needed trainers longer I'd have just emailed HT stating he needs the reasonable adjustment and thanking him for co operating and passing on to the staff.
His HT is fab though and won't be stupid and will just shrug and say "as long as he's learning!"

Allington, I did NOT say you were unreasonable from the start to request it. I said it might not be workable. It doesn't matter whether your teacher friends think otherwise; they don't teach in your child's school.

I don't think "schools" make allegations at all. Are you asking me whether it is possible that people tell lies about other people? Well, obviously it is.

Well that's a change of attitude. Glad to read it.

The 'allegations' were made by a teacher with the full knowledge of the SN Co-ord and headteacher. Both of whom signed off the referral, so could have questioned it. So yes, it was, collectively, the school.

Hmmm well this thread is definitely demonstrative of how relations can deteriorate between school and parents. i can’t see the situation getting any better with academies and the increasing fragmentation of the English school system. Can only say that some schools are seemingly much better than others in their approach to inclusion and wish parents of kids with SEND good luck in finding them.

Allington

How is it a change of attitude? Why can't you read my comments properly?