To ask if it's futile trying to stop a 7.5 year old boy showing off and being silly?

[Pushpins40]

Exactly that. He'll try to be the real clown, the silly one - sometimes it's good natured, other times (like today in a changing room with two other kids, a girl and a boy that he's doing a swimming class with) he starts shouting, 'I can see you vagina and your penis!'.

It's embarrassing and very annoying. If it's not that sort of stuff, it's just generally trying to push boundaries, be the funny one.

How do I stop it? Can I? Am I being realistic given his age? He
We talk to him about it and I think he 'hears' but then, in the moment, of course he does exactly the same.

No, she’s just lucky to have DC who weren’t bothered. My DD would have been.

I think the OP has got a lot of the comments she has because of her thread title (which has more than a whiff of ‘boys will be boys’ about it ) and because her initial posts read that she wasn’t going to do anything bar harsh words. No mention of consequences until far later in the thread.

Getting a shock result can be exhilarating, and in the moment he isn't thinking of the consequences, just revelling in the excitement of being outrageous. He knows that terms like penis and vagina can be controversial, but probably not really why. I once heard of an (admittedly younger) child, in the heat of the moment, exclaiming "Oh you, you.....VEST!!!!!!" He knew that mentioning underwear in all its forms could be "rude", but hadn't quite got the distinctions of "rudeness". (Still fondly used in this household as a mild form of insult.....)
In a classroom setting, I sometimes found a "po face", and dull statement, said in a quiet, bored tone, like "If you knew how silly you look doing that, I think you'd stop quite quickly" sucked the fun out of it.
As PP's have said, it can be very wearing, but consistent sanctions win through in the end. Insist on an apology, remove from the situation, consider appropriate consequences.
When a similar situation is coming, remind what is suitable behaviour, possibly remind of what happened last time, and in the meantime, try to ensure that he gets more attention when he is behaving appropriately (hard, I know!) and acknowledge with praise that he was "so much more grown up and cool" when given a chance to show his better nature.

And I’m guessing the op apologised as she thought the woman’s children might have felt like your dd. Anyone who would have rejected that apology is just pathetic.
Her children might have been bothered we don’t know, but this other mum knows that children can be silly sometimes. I doubt the op encourages her child to go pointing at other children’s genitals and it’s evident the other mum is smart enough to know that.

I'm shocked you let him continue with the swimming class after that (if they were getting ready to swim, not after).

If he can't behave in a changing room then he doesn't go into a changing room.

If he is a delight to teach then he can self regulate he just needs to learn that he has to do it outside school.

There are some very harsh replies on this thread.

I don't have kids so feel free to disregard me, but I swim every morning at work and whilst I am getting changed there are summer classes for kids who are using the changing room with their parents.

All I can say is it's a great contraceptive!

The amount of silliness, exactly as OP describes, happens every single day. I have heard the same and similar all the time in the changing room from giddy kids who are over-excited. It seems perfectly normal to me.

I'm shocked you let him continue with the swimming class after that

You know, most kids don't really love swimming, right?

They go for lessons, because they need to know how to swim. Not because it's some sort of treat for them.

Pulling them out of a lesson won't be seen as a punishment for many kids. Quite the opposite, in fact.

My dc would have loved to get out of swimming. They would seen it as a treat!

Would they love it so much if it meant curtailing their activities on holiday? Having to stay in the baby oool while their peers are merrily frolicking in the big pool, because they can swim.

DD isn’t that keen on swimming lessons but by god she loves the water.

I think the OP has got a lot of the comments she has because of her thread title (which has more than a whiff of ‘boys will be boys’ about it ) and because her initial posts read that she wasn’t going to do anything bar harsh words. No mention of consequences until far later in the thread.

I was going to post the same as Tam ^^

I was an early poster on this thread, and my post could have been read as harsh. But the title of the thread, and the line about he gets spoken to but still does it, suggested (to me) a parent who was expecting everyone to laugh and say 'bless him' and 'just let him be', and yes, boys will be boys. There was no mention of sanctions, only that he was spoken to, which implied gentle parenting with no consequences.

The OP has added information since which says that the first post wasn't the whole story. I still say that it wasn't appropriate behaviour, however the other mother reacted. But the tone of the thread has moved on.

I had 4 boys and they can be silly show offs granted but ‘I can see your vagina’ isn’t acceptable from a 5 year old to be honest and one of mine saying this would not be let off lightly by any stretch.

My dd would have been mortified.

Not on at all.

Would they love it so much if it meant curtailing their activities on holiday? Having to stay in the baby oool while their peers are merrily frolicking in the big pool, because they can swim.

My children are scared of the water so they would be thrilled to not have to go near it.

Your mum stare is not scary enough! A true Mum state could shut this down sharpish and the fear would linger about doing it again. The mum look/ stare, it’s everything in parenting! The flaming eyes that mean you’ve gone to far, you’re in the shit when we leave here!

I agree, it is nowhere near as easy as just saying ‘you won’t do your swimming lesson’. Lots of DC would be thrilled to miss them and may behave worse next time in the hope of missing them again. My DC know that swimming lessons are non-negotiable (unless illness etc) and it would totally weaken that position if I stopped them doing them if they behaved badly.

And also I doubt a child would see that far ahead to future years of being excluded from swimming activities due to lack of ability to swim when they are doing all they can to get out of a swimming lesson they don't want to do today!

Some things have to be non negotiable (for many that's learning to swim) but things like tech and tv are less important life skills (sometimes more enjoyable!) and likely to hit harder as a consequence.

If it was soft play however I'd be out of there like a shot as a consequence

I'm probably a lot older than you guys, but if a boy had shouted that at my daughter he would have got a sharp slap from me and an furious 'how dare you'.

I'll prob be flamed and have accused about child assault....whatever, I don't care. At least I haven't raised a brat.

I can't believe you've actually posted this. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. Have a think about what sort of man you're raising.

Jean that is a really good point about adjusting how you tell off as children grow. As someone who finds this kind of thing doesn't come naturally at all it's really made me think. Thank you.

I'm probably a lot older than you guys, but if a boy had shouted that at my daughter he would have got a sharp slap from me and an furious 'how dare you'.

Well I’m sure you could have expected a nice huge sharp slap back from the mum. You have no rights at all laying a finger on someone else’s child. You’re batshit.

I can't believe you've actually posted this. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. Have a think about what sort of man you're raising.

No she shouldn’t be ashamed of herself. And she is thinking about what sort of child she is raising, hence the thread. And he’s not a man, he’s a BOY.

I wouldn’t need a reason to escape the hell of soft play!

I wouldn’t expect the child to see that far ahead but I would say something like ‘if you behave like that again then you will stop swimming, both classes and for fun, which will mean you won’t be able to go in the water when we’re on holiday.’ I would remind them before entering the changing room next time. Obviously this would only work on a child who likes to swim (even if they don’t like classes) - OP hasn’t said if her son does.

I also think one of the reasons why people have been harsh is because, as Boss said whether you like it or not, girls run the gauntlet of boys’ bad behaviour throughout their schooling. DD has told me that being sat next to boys like this meant she struggled to always understand the lesson, they were clearly a distraction. I know for a fact that one of these boys has pretty flimflammy parents (the other one, conversely, comes from a culture that favours very draconian parenting). Well, I’m buggered if my well-behaved, studious DD should have her learning disrupted because of this kind of nonsense. So when I read an OP that seems to be shrugging its shoulders I get pretty riled (I know the OP has subsequently said she’s putting measures into place, which is brilliant).

This is not all at you, OP, just my thoughts on the broader topic.

Goat you've probably raised a violent abuser if that's the way you'd treat a child.

There has been some great advice on here. (Need to get working on my cold stare!!!)
But Op has taken a hard time to get it.

goatwoman I can't believe you've actually posted that.

But Op has taken a hard time to get it.

What does that mean?

I can't believe you've actually posted this. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. Have a think about what sort of man you're raising.

What a ridiculous woman you are. Are you Boxwitches sister?

What does that mean

I think it means you’ve been given shit off some people as well as some great advice off others At least you have a lot of valuable posts to take from the thread.

I do. I'm very grateful for your support, as well as others

You're not raising a brat. My ds is twice as old as yours and I'm seeing the result of parents who say things like "oh well they didn't mean it/ they're tired/ that's what kids do etc" as well as threaten consequences they don't follow through with.

You're here asking advice and that why your ds will be a rounded young man who occasionally makes mistakes but who accept mistakes and consequences for them.

We can do our best as parents to guide our children to take the right path. But ultimately they'll make their own decisions as adults and can't control that and in most cases parents aren't to blame.

It’s developmentally normal for 6-8 year olds to find “toilet humour” very funny. My DS (8) thought he was the cleverest thing in the world when he told his sister she had a “vulva-mort”. Inappropriate yes. Abnormal no.

Mine is quite immature for 8, and finds anything do with farts, poos, body parts extremely funny. He’s slowly growing out of it and learning places he definitely can not speak like that. Personally I didn’t think you should worry too much and as long as you reinforce (and model) correct behaviour it will settle eventually