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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursery put nappy on potty training child

105 replies

Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:28

So we have been following "oh crap potty training", did 3 days at home with quite a bit of success. By day 3 DD was peeing on the potty in clothes and letting us know when she needed to go (with about 2 seconds warning), she had 2 accidents that day where she had a pre wee then told us and we rushed her to potty.
Today was her first day in nursery, they were prompting her all morning and popping her on potty even though I told them that she doesn't really like to be put on there - she has just been telling us when she needs to go.
Anyway by 10.30 she hadn't had a pee so they decided to put a nappy on her as they thought that she was getting scared of the potty?!
I'm really annoyed as she hadn't had any accidents just been forced to sit on there when she didn't need to go. Aibu to be annoyed and what should I say to them when she's next in on Thursday. I also think they think she is too young as only 20 months, but she came home and asked to use the potty twice and went for a pee.

OP posts:
InspectorIkmen · 14/08/2018 19:31

You're really wound up about this? Really?

How many other children do they have to look after or is it a staff of 20 just looking after yours?

Howhot · 14/08/2018 19:35

You admitted yourself she gives you 2 seconds notice. Unless you want to pay for one on one childcare I think you're being unreasonable to expect them to realistically be able to accommodate that

Boofay · 14/08/2018 19:37

What is their potty training policy? Have you read it or have they offered it to you?
20 months IS young for potty training. And you need a good week of no accidents before returning a child to a childcare setting, so potty training is firmly established. Potty training for children in childcare is different than having them home all the time.
Can send you my potty training policy so you can gauge what to expect from your nursery if you like. I'm a childminder.

TheCag · 14/08/2018 19:38

My childcare didn't do potty training - I had to take annual leave and try to potty train that week. It seems to be pretty normal amongst people I know.

AfterSchoolWorry · 14/08/2018 19:38

By day 3 DD was peeing on the potty in clothes

Can you clarify this please OP, peeingon the potty in clothes?

And what is a 'pre wee' ?

Ilikethedaffodils · 14/08/2018 19:44

AfterSchoolWorry
The "Oh Crap" book recommends starting potty training with a few days of the child being completely naked. Then some time with no underwear. So the OP is making the point that her child had progressed beyond the first few days/ stages of training.
No idea what pre wee is though, and I've recently read the book...

hockityponktas · 14/08/2018 19:44

It's very likely that the people looking after your child have had vast amounts of experience of potty training.
Where I work, between us we have trained 100s of children.
If I were you, I would request a meeting/informal chat with the key person and manager.This way both sides can explain expectations and opinions and between you, can get it sorted.
If they think she is frightened of the potty then surely they have seen reasons to think this is true? The Worst thing you can do with potty training is push a child who is not ready.

Aprilsinparis · 14/08/2018 19:46

What did you expect them to do? Devote all their time trying to get your little one to go on the potty? They probably have a whole nursery at various stages of potty training, and you want them to devote all their time with your child, you said yourself she only gives you a few seconds notice. You are BU.

Original poster
Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:51

To clarify: pre wee I mean she has started to have a wee and then told me so I've put her on the potty to finish.
And peeing in clothes I mean she is wearing clothes and asking to go pee, not just naked.
They have said they were asking her constantly if she needed to go and she was saying no, but I think that's because they were pressing her. She is in a room with 1:3 ratio at the moment so although there are of course other children around to think about, if she isn't having accidents why put her in a nappy?!

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 14/08/2018 19:52

20 months is too young IMO. I know a few people who got their kids out of nappies very early and their kids either regressed later or are now 4, starting school next month and are still having regular accidents.

Original poster
Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:52

I actually expect the opposite- that they stop trying to put her on the potty constantly as this was what seemed to be upsetting her and just letting her tell them (but then acting quickly)

OP posts:
hockityponktas · 14/08/2018 19:53

Because she is holding on and getting upset because she doesn't want to wee on the potty maybe?
The only way to find out is to arrange a meeting and ask?

hockityponktas · 14/08/2018 19:54

They don't know that that is what you expect unless you tell them though?

Original poster
Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:54

But she is completely happy to pee on the potty at home. She had only been there for 2 hours and had a pee before she got there. I don't pee that often and that is normal for her at home

OP posts:
Original poster
Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:55

I think maybe I just didn't make it clear enough when I spoke to them this morning the system we were using. She is very independent and definitely won't get help to do something that she thinks she is capable of on her own

OP posts:
titchy · 14/08/2018 19:57

pre wee I mean she has started to have a wee and then told me so I've put her on the potty to finish.

You mean she wet herself then...

I don't think you can realistically expect a nursery, even in a room with a one to three ratio, to be able to whip out the potty in two seconds each and every time. The other two kids might be in the middle of tantrummjnng, being soothed to sleep, being taken away from little Emily whose head they've been trying to hit all morning....

Original poster
Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:57

Boofay I would be interested in your potty training policy as I genuinely don't think iabu to expect them to assist her in this but perhaps I am

OP posts:
hockityponktas · 14/08/2018 19:57

Ok, if she holds for two hours then it sounds like she is possibly physically ready.
Best just to lay out your expectations with the key person and if it works at nursery then great. But please bear in mind that children behave differently in different places and she may be upset at doing it in nursery(not in her home comfort zone) no matter how settled she is there.
Best to chat with the key person and find out, there has to be some flexibility from both sides on this.

Original poster
Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:59

What do other people do with potty training? Genuine question? She is my first and I thought we had hit a good level a few days in but perhaps we should keep her out of nirsery until she is a bit further along?

OP posts:
Nutkins24 · 14/08/2018 20:01

She is very independent and definitely won't get help to do something that she thinks she is capable of on her own

So I assume she can take herself to the loo, pull down her own pants and trousers, wipe, wash hands? Honestly 20 months is incredibly young to be truly ready. Not impossible but it would be very rare. As qualified practitioners they will know this and they probably think you’re trying to push it too early. Beware also when trying to train young of a regression. My dd trained earlyish (or so we thought) and had one and it’s been a year of potty training hell, and she’s still not reliable.

mummabubs · 14/08/2018 20:02

I'd echo what Cadburyegg said. The only children I know who have been toilet trained at that age then massively regressed later (despite very quick initial success at 18 months). My DN still has frequent accidents and she's 4.5 now.

SometimesMaybe · 14/08/2018 20:04

Most people I know took time off work so there was a stretch of a least 5/6 days at home before returning to childcare. This was with younger children. With older children 3+ it often would happen over a weekend. You need to speak to the Nursery to ask how thet are going to help you potty train.

Dreamingofkfc · 14/08/2018 20:04

20 months is very early. My son was about 3, he was fine with us but still had accidents in the nursery setting for a bit. It's annoying they put her back in a nappy but tbh they can prob tell whether she is ready or not

SpottingTheZebras · 14/08/2018 20:05

about 2 seconds warning

She isn’t ready. What is happening is that you are being trained to stick a potty under her at the right time. She isn’t being trained at all.

Being interested and asking for the potty is normal at her age. Being able to use it and understand the correlation between wanting to go, getting there and going is very difference.

As a mother of three, I guarantee you that she would be trained by now (after three days) if she was ready and you wouldn’t be running round after her training yourself to catch her poo and wee with a potty.

Nan0second · 14/08/2018 20:07

Read the oh crap daycare chapter.
I think you’re doing the right thing. 20months is a normal age to train and I agree she’s ready.
It’s only in this day and age of disposable nappies everybody waits til 2.5-3 years.
Mine trained early with the oh crap system and it was easy (and we have had no regression).
I wouldn’t worry though. It’s quite common for kids to do one thing at home and another at nursery. I’d spend more time commando at home over the next few days and consolidate her skills.
Have a chat with nursery and see if they will read the book (but don’t expect them to!)
The key thing is giving the child control and they missed that bit with all the pressure.

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