Nursery put nappy on potty training child

[Smarshian]

So we have been following "oh crap potty training", did 3 days at home with quite a bit of success. By day 3 DD was peeing on the potty in clothes and letting us know when she needed to go (with about 2 seconds warning), she had 2 accidents that day where she had a pre wee then told us and we rushed her to potty.
Today was her first day in nursery, they were prompting her all morning and popping her on potty even though I told them that she doesn't really like to be put on there - she has just been telling us when she needs to go.
Anyway by 10.30 she hadn't had a pee so they decided to put a nappy on her as they thought that she was getting scared of the potty?!
I'm really annoyed as she hadn't had any accidents just been forced to sit on there when she didn't need to go. Aibu to be annoyed and what should I say to them when she's next in on Thursday. I also think they think she is too young as only 20 months, but she came home and asked to use the potty twice and went for a pee.

@Smarshian it was wrong of them to me to put a nappy on her no matter what they thought u work alongside the parents not against them and no matter how many kids they're looking after it's there job to work with the parents. Unless there a major issue then no they were in the wrong, I would talk to them and explain your not happy and you do not want it happening again and any good nursery will respect that.

I don't think 20 months is too young, my eldest two dc were just turned 2 and my 3rd was about 20/22 months when they potty trained (4and 5 were older but that's another story). They didn't regress or have accidents later on, they all just had very good bladder control. But, you are unreasonable about expecting the nursery to bring her to the potty at 2 seconds notice. If she has good control she would know earlier than this, though she might not necessarily communicate it. You need to fully potty train her at home to a point where she can give good notice and she can have very few if any accidents, then nursery can follow your lead. It the nursery are willing to potty train her, you need to follow their method. You can watch her constantly at home and rush her to the potty the second she needs it, but as pp said staff have loads of other stuff to do.

I wish I hadn't mentioned her age as I don't think that I would have had the same response if I had said she was 3.
She is undoubtedly ready to use the potty and although she cannot pull her trousers down reliably she is getting better, she can wash her hands and dry them herself.
Thanks Nan0second - I think I need to hold my nerve with this one as I am adamant she is ready.
Those who have trained at 2.5/3 what have you seen from your child 3/4 days into training? Do they tell you they need to go or just take themselves?

It's not necessarily too young if she is ready.
My oldest trained at 21 months when her older friend told her she was a baby for wearing nappies. She literally took the nappies off the next morning and had 2 accidents in the next week and no more.

But if she's only giving 2 seconds warning, it isn't enough in nursery. It's fine for you standing over her, and with all the time afterwards to change her if she's wet etc.

With dd1 she was also very good at going on demand, so I could say to her that she hadn't been for ages could she try, and she would go. That is a very good skill to have as I discovered with my other two who didn't have it.

DD asked at 3 to wear knickers one day, and that was it - never had an accident from that point.

At out nursery they won't train at this age.

I should have mentioned that the Oh Crap book is a load of rubbish IMO. I don’t know why there seems to be a rush to get kids out of nappies early. So what if there are some 3 year olds in nappies? The vast majority (SN aside) will be out of them by the time they are 4. Theres no medal for potty training early, it’s a non issue. What IS an issue however, is kids who supposedly trained early, then not being reliable for when they start school.

I'd echo what Cadburyegg said. The only children I know who have been toilet trained at that age then massively regressed later (despite very quick initial success at 18 months). My DN still has frequent accidents and she's 4.5 now.

What’s the logic of that? I asked because everyone thinks mine was potty trained young (he was 23 months old - now 25 months). After 3 day he was independently taking himself to the potty when he needed to. After a few weeks he was having basically no accidents. Now he’s been using the toilet seat (hallelujah!) rather than the potty and the only help he needs is with some trousers and bum wiping. I can literally sit on the sofa eating Bon bons while he goes off to the loo, does his business and even washes his own hands by himself (but I always have to come turn off the tap).

I do not like the thought of a sudden regression one day. But I can’t see why it would happen.

She is very young. Both of mine trained at 3 when they had enough language to understand instructions and communicate their needs.

I also took 2 weeks off work each time to concentrate on it, accepting that it takes a bit of personal attention that the nursery wouldn’t be able to focus on.

See I think that's the main problem - she won't pee on demand and she doesn't give much notice when she needs to go. But 3 days ago she didn't even know about a potty so I still think she is doing very well. I don't want to go back to nappies as she has proved she can do it but perhaps I should keep her off nursery for a few days and keep her home until she can give more notice? I understand that nursery can't necessarily get to her that quickly but I still don't get why they put her in a nappy when she wasn't having accidents.

It’s likely she isn’t physiologically ready, ie her bladder can’t hold the wee for long enough. I honestly don’t get the rush to potty train. It’s not a race and it’s SO much easier when they are older. Why make life so difficult for yourself.
You’re going to take her back out of nursery until she’s more ready?? Don’t you work?
My nursery are amazing and basically potty trained my then 2yr7mth old in 2 days.... my younger one, took longer and in retrospect may have been easier a little older. Honestly, just enjoy this summer with your little girl going out and about stress free and try in the spring!

I don’t know why there seems to be a rush to get kids out of nappies early.

Uh because changing poo nappies is a hell of a lot harder and more disgusting than wiping a bum?

Before I did it I bought into the idea desperately searching for a toilet for a toddler is worse than just dealing with nappies. But no, it’s not, he says he has never once had an accident for not finding a toilet in time, the worst that happens is we find one and then turns out he no longer needs it. As the little princess says: nappies are yeeeuch. Why would anyone stick with them longer than absolutely necessary? Do you like getting poo on you? Smelling it? Wrestling a child that doesn’t want to wear one? Trying to keep a child who is covered in poo still while you clean them up before the run all over the place with poo falling off them? I hated those things and wanted not to have to deal with them.

@Smarshian I've pm'ed you

My dd was 20 months when she wanted to wear pants. It might be young but it isn't too young.

5 days dry in my sil nursery before they will help.

I used two weeks annual leave to start my ds off before sending him to childminder.

I did the same with DD who was with my mum.

It needs to be better established before sending to nursery imo. Pre-wee still requires cleaning and changing.

I'm training dd now. She's 2-10. Been asking about pants and potty for a few months.

Started on a Friday afternoon. She had 6-7 accidents. Pull up back on for bed.

Saturday morning she had 2 accidents before 9 am then went to the potty by herself the rest of the day. Just had her in a pair of pants. She realised she needed to wee, stopped playing and went to the potty. Then back to playing again. We have her a chocolate button for every wee in the potty that day.

She's had a couple of splashes where she's wee's in her clothes as she pulled her pants down but no more wee's on the floor.

Poops on the other hand are another matter. First one in the potty no problem and every single one in her pants since. 😢

I think if shes giving 2s warning she cant wait the 2h.
I tried at 22m and dd was taking herself etc but had quite loose poops and had some accidents which put me off. You need to consider being stuck in traffic etc where they may need to hold on. X amount of time after they say they need to go. Even up to 20min or so. And they need to be reasonable enough to do a check wee when asked before going out/storytime/lunch. Not holding it in because they arent desperate

Sorry cross post. Completely agree more time in house. She is doing well just not well enough for nursery.

DieAntword no idea why it happens. My dd trained at 2.5 within a few days. She was v. Keen, had all the language skills needed and was totally reliable for about 2 months until she had a major regression and she’s still not reliable for wees now at nearly 3.5! It’s a naightmare. Someone told me that studies had shown a good indicator of whether a child is ready is being able to walk up and down stairs one foot in front of the other (like an adult would). I’m going to hold off with dc2 until that point and see if it makes a difference!

It is young but not without the realms of normal - dd was just 2 when she announced she wasn’t wearing nappies any more and ds 22 months. Both (especially ds) ‘trained’ v quickly and in fact ds my earlier trainer has been the more reliable of the 2 (now 4.5 and I can count the accidents - day & night - he’s ever had on 1 hand).

People were negative towards me too but they do all get there at their own pace, some are just ready earlier, others later.

With nursery - I wouldn’t go in furious just re-explain what you’re doing and get them on board. Ime (& I couldn’t take time off work so they just went to nursery as normal), nursery were only too happy to follow our lead & keep things as consistent as possible.

Good luck!

OP I'm a fan of the Oh Crap potty training book having used it myself, and I believe you when you say she's ready. But all children take longer to train regardless of age, and 2 or 3 seconds warning isn't enough at nursery. Even if they'd followed your approach the result would have been wet clothes each time, because they won't react as fast as you. And then they'd be telling you she isn't ready. I'd recommend keeping her at home until she's giving you more warning, and then be very explicit with the nursery about the approach you want them to take, and discuss it with them to see if they can accommodate it in their environment. I.e. Please don't prompt her, don't sit her down and expect her to perform on cue, etc etc. Their approach of prompting and sitting her on the potty frequently is a very common approach to potty training, Just different to the one you are taking.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I'd be open to changing your approach too as required. My ds trained in 3 days using the Oh Crap method - and I mean fully trained, no accidents, plenty of warning. But in a nursery environment some time later (he was with a childminder initially) he regressed because there was too much going on and he was leaving it too late. So they started prompting him, which worked well, and when he was over the regression they simply stopped as it was no longer needed.

I think its reasonable to expect the nursery to give it a proper train and now is a good time since its likely a bit quieter at nursery. If she has 3 accidents per day then fair game you may need to reconsider, consolidate and then go back on the game. But worth a try definitely, 20months is a good age. My first 2 trained around that age as well.

I think potty training is always a bunfight on mumsnet - it appears to be something people hold strong opinions on

Age is irrelevant imo - kids used to be potty trained much earlier on average and what one kid can do at 20 months is different to another

I’d personally want to nursery to follow the same system I was using at home. But I think you need to check with them whether this is possible (with their ratio) and come up with a plan that works for you both if they can’t follow your exact method. It may be the middle ground is that they take her every 2 hours (for example) and in between these times they expect her to tell them if she needs to go.

I’ve not read the book and therefore I probably don’t use the same method (thought I do advocate not asking kids if they want to go or plonking them on the loo regularly) but my only concern would be that she can’t wee on demand - for me this indicates bladder control

She sounds ready to me, just stick with it. I suspect nursery were trying to do what they would normally do in the first week of potty training. Keep updating them day to day about how she's doing and hopefully things will be sorted fairly soon.

My daughter was probably 19-20 months when her childminder first tried potty training as she thought she was ready. It didn't go very well so we stopped. A couple of months later she tried again with the kind of results you've been having with your daughter, and it was fine.

They don't all regress if they train early, well my older ones are in their 20s and it hasn't happened yet. Op clearly you are delighted that she has taken to the potty and rightly so, but there is more to training than managing to catch her pee at a couple of seconds notice. She has to be able to stop what she is doing, no matter how interesting/exciting it is, to think about having a pee. Then she needs to take herself to the potty and use it independently, then pull up clothes, wash hands etc. You are at the beginning of what could be a very long process, it might be done and dusted in a few days but only if you are lucky. It is annoying that nursery out a nappy on her, but as I said they can't train her the way you are doing it, it's not feasible.

I recently followed the OCPT book for potty training.

I did manage to have 5 days at home though so by the time DD went back to Nursery she was fairly up to speed on it.
My Nursery hadn’t heard of the book but I gave them a summary of the approach and they seemed fairly interested in it.

One thing I said was not to ask but tell DD that it was time to see on the potty and not over prompt.

They’ve been really pleased with how she’s learnt it quickly but then today she’s had three accidents. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Cant tell you why other than she seems out of sorts. But she never has a single accident at home.

The way I look at it is, that PT is a long process, it’s going to be a good few months before DD never has a single one even though she’s been out of nappies now for weeks including naps and bed time.

Just be clear on the approach you want them to take and what works for your child