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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery put nappy on potty training child

105 replies

Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:28

So we have been following "oh crap potty training", did 3 days at home with quite a bit of success. By day 3 DD was peeing on the potty in clothes and letting us know when she needed to go (with about 2 seconds warning), she had 2 accidents that day where she had a pre wee then told us and we rushed her to potty.
Today was her first day in nursery, they were prompting her all morning and popping her on potty even though I told them that she doesn't really like to be put on there - she has just been telling us when she needs to go.
Anyway by 10.30 she hadn't had a pee so they decided to put a nappy on her as they thought that she was getting scared of the potty?!
I'm really annoyed as she hadn't had any accidents just been forced to sit on there when she didn't need to go. Aibu to be annoyed and what should I say to them when she's next in on Thursday. I also think they think she is too young as only 20 months, but she came home and asked to use the potty twice and went for a pee.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2018 20:35

I tried to potty train my dd when she was just turned 2 and she wasn’t ready. Then one day at almost 3 she announced she was big and not wearing nappies anymore. That was just after pooing in a nappy earlier. Dd just didn’t have accidents after that and I soon learnt I didn’t even need to carry a potty around. She was ready and decided for herself. Your dds age is absolutely relevant. Children do things when they are developmentally ready and this differs wildly with small children. It isn’t a race. I’d stop putting pressure on your dd and wait for a considerable length of time until she is properly ready. You’ve planted the seed in her head for now.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 14/08/2018 20:35

20 mths is a perfect age and you are doing well, but looking after other people’s children even on 1:3 ratio is exhausting when each parent really expects 1:1. putting her in a nappy suited them, she was in their charge. Yabu to expect anything else.

hazeyjane · 14/08/2018 20:35

I still don't get why they put her in a nappy when she wasn't having accidents.

Obviously you can only know by asking them, but maybe she was showing signs of needing a wee....the knock kneed wee pose or jiggling and getting cross when they asked her if she needed one, so thought it best to put her in a nappy.

Was it a nappy from her bag or their own?

It sounds like you need to have better communication about the way you want it managed, as they will almost certainly have done this very differently with other children

AutoFilled · 14/08/2018 20:40

You can’t be real? I had potty trained two and by day 3, if they haven’t got it, then they aren’t old enough to be trained. Both mine were trained within 1-2 days. I work full time and baby trained over a weekend, and that’s it. Nursery will be expecting a child who is potty trained to either 1) go with some reminding at regular reminder and 2) ask to go themselves. It will be a combination of the two and you expect accidents. Maybe even up to once a day. But you should have a lot more in the toilet or potty than in pants before sending them to nursery without nappies. They have a lot of kids to look after. Mine were trained only after they asked too, both between 2 and 2.5yo.

AutoFilled · 14/08/2018 20:45

With 2s notice how do you even go out? I never use a travel potty. If they can be trained, they need to hold long enough to find a toilet surely when out? How about a softplay?

MrsPandaBear · 14/08/2018 20:45

To pick up your question about what those who trained at 3 saw, we trained at 3 years 2 months. We went straight to pants wearing clothes. Day 1 the first wee was an accident, but he got the idea after that. We went out for Sunday lunch with him on day 2. By day 3 he was taking himself to the potty when needed, admittedly with prompting and occasional accidents if anything interesting was going on he didn't want to miss. Day 4 he went to nursery. From friends who left it that late, they all found it very quick and easy too.

KingIrving · 14/08/2018 20:45

Potty training in her clothes?
So she is basically wetting herself while sitting on a potty?
And you are surprised the nursery doesn't follow this?

theSnuffster · 14/08/2018 20:46

I work in a nursery and have been a childminder so I've helped to train a number of children.

It's possible that the staff really did think she was scared of using the potty. (Just the fact that it's different to the one they have at home can throw a young child- I've known parents bring their child's potty each day or buy an identical one to keep at nursery.) Maybe they thought she was holding it in so wanted to see if she would do a wee once she had the comfort of the nappy?

Also, 2 seconds is not enough warning in a nursery. That would mean one member of staff staying with your child constantly, and carrying the potty with them too. Realistically they need enough time for your child to go to an adult, say she needs a wee, then be taken to the bathroom or nappy changing area to use the potty. Ideally more than that to allow for the fact that staff may all be tied up doing something else that can't just be dropped immediately.

TillyTadpole · 14/08/2018 20:48

You are on day 3 of potty training and on this day your dd had 2 accidents? And you expect nursery staff to have her completely potty trained on day 4 when they have other children to look after?

Sorry OP your dd is not potty trained and she is too young to be completely potty trained. Keep at it. It will come together - eventually!

fuzzyfozzy · 14/08/2018 20:51

I was a childminder. I asked parents to start potty training over a holiday so they could nail it. I'd be happy to carry on, if the child was capable of coming to tell me and capable of holding it to get to a toilet.

Original poster

Smarshian · 14/08/2018 20:52

KingIrving you've missed the point I was making. She was at home wearing clothes and then asking to use the potty - then we helped her pull down trousers to go.
No I'm not expecting them to have her totally potty trained on day 4, just that they don't put a child who isn't having accidents in a nappy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Smarshian · 14/08/2018 20:54

I think what I'm getting from this is that I need to keep her off nursery a bit longer until she can give more warning and perhaps I was expecting too much of them at nursery. I am on maternity leave with my 8 week old at the moment so can keep her home for the next session if necessary.

OP posts:

KatieKittens · 14/08/2018 20:59

The reason your daughter would have been put in a nappy is because the practitioners thought it was in the child’s best interest at the time.

She hadn’t used the toilet all morning, they were probably thinking she needed to go, but didn’t want to use their potty.

Most likely scenario was that your daughter was distressed. How long would you have liked for them to leave her upset and with a full bladder?

Oh Crap Potty training has some good advice in it e.g run about naked, have potty available etc. Some of it is nonsense though- it’s not written by a paediatrician or childcare professional.

A nursery setting is vastly different than your home. Your daughter should be able to be prompted at intervals and also be able to ask to go to the toilet. The potty won’t be sitting in the classroom.

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 14/08/2018 20:59

I just trained my 3.5 year old in 3 days. She has had 2 accidents in 2 weeks and both were stuck in the car ones when she had held for ages but I couldnt stop in time.

There is no rush and I am very much of the opinion of I would rather wait for it to be easy than spend months cleaning accidents

Cotswoldmama · 14/08/2018 21:01

My son was 3.5 when he starting using the toilet and it took about 4 days. He was in pull ups for those a days I asked him every now and again if he needed the toilet and on about day 3/4 he asked me if he was allowed to wed in his pull up or not. That's when I knew he could hold it and we went to pants, he had very few accidents. I think if your a sahm then it maybe easier to do it earlier as it's only you doing the training and therefore there's no mixed messages. But for us we had us at home, nursery and my mum so we just waited until he was ready and completely understood what was going on.

Monkeymonstermum · 14/08/2018 21:01

I am on maternity leave with my 8 week old at the moment so can keep her home for the next session if necessary.

Personally I would enjoy time with your new lovely baby, put her back in nappies and sit with my feet up for the rare moments of peace 😁 I am big on not making life difficult for myself though!

Redgreencoverplant · 14/08/2018 21:03

It sounds as though she is going really well but I agree that if you can take more time off and have her at home longer that would really help. When we trained using the Oh Crap method last month (DS was 2.5 however) we were off for just over a week and he has cracked it well within that time and has had barely any accidents at nursery (they choose not to put him in a nappy for nap so he has wet himself in his sleep a couple of times but we put him in nappies for sleep at home)

suzy2b · 14/08/2018 21:03

My daughter potty trained herself at 22 months her daughter was running around last summer at 21/2 running around with no clothes on would use the potty but if she had clothes on she would pee herself she went back to pre school in nappies but about 6 weeks later she was dry

PurpleCrazyHorse · 14/08/2018 21:06

You need to know your childcare provider's potty training policy, it varies. With my first CM, DD had to be dry and reliable for a week before she could go back and there was always the caveat that she'd go back into nappies if she kept having accidents there. My CM would support potty training but wouldn't do it. DD was 2.7 and totally dry day and night in 3 days. No wee accidents from day 2 and no poo accidents from day 4. I took time off work to potty train her.

Our nursery and more recent CM both would potty train from the very beginning if we wanted.

DS is 3.1 and he was fully dry for wee day and night from day 2. Had a couple of poos in his pants when he didn't realise until the poo came, but has been fully accident free since the end of the first week. We're on week 3 now.

I wouldn't have sent either child to a childcare setting until at least week 2, when I knew they were reliable and no longer having regular accidents. You just can't expect a provider caring for multiple small children to deal with regular accidents or be instantly able to put a child on a toilet.

PrincessScarlett · 14/08/2018 21:08

Your nursery can support you potty training your DD but it is never going to be the same as the one on one attention you can give st home. A nursery will have many other children to consider and cannot prioritize your DD when it might appear she is refusing to use a potty at nursery.

Definitely keep her at home for a few days until she is confident and can give more than a 2 second warning.

Monkeymonstermum · 14/08/2018 21:10

I’m starting to realise how amazing my nursery is...I won’t start child number 3 until they suggest and then they’ll do 3 days in a row and initiate it for me... first day will get sent in with pants on top of nappy...they’ll take it off and see how they go! I’ll have to take over from day 4.

crispysausagerolls · 14/08/2018 21:11

If a child is ready to be potty trained, they will get it very, very quickly. I can’t stand people forcing their children before they are ready.

TryingtobePrepared · 14/08/2018 21:28

I don't know the oh cheap book and I'm not usually a fan of Gina Ford but her potty training book is great & starts with a list of signs your child is ready i think these include knowing before they are doing a wee or a poo, being able to follow a set of instructions and being able to dress / undress bottom half. There's no prompting to use the toilet except before going out. I asked with dd1 that they didn't prompt but was aware that all children out of nappies were expected to use / try to use the toilet at set times ie before meals / snacks before naps / going in the garden. This is fair enough & similar to school so imo not an issue.

TallTilly · 14/08/2018 21:32

Right look. I tied myself in knots trying every method to potty train DD1. Eventually she just would not go. Every time we started to make progress she would just stop. She could hold that pee for hours then would soak a nappy the minute I put it back on her (which I did because it was so obvious that she was desperate and it would have been cruel not to).

Eventually I backed off. She turned 3 and was the last one in her room at nursery still in nappies. Stressed me right out. I knew she was ready and capable but something wasn’t clicking and she just wasn’t mentally ready yet.

Then one day she just decided she didn’t want to wear nappies any more. No training required. She had like one accident. This was on a Saturday morning. She went back to nursery on the Tuesday and that was that.

So with DD2 I’m going to follow her lead. We will go at her pace with no pressure from me. If she’s 3 when it happens then that’s fine. End of the day it doesn’t matter a fuck whether they are 1, 2, 3 whatever.

Kool4katz · 14/08/2018 21:41

I waited until DS was 3 before training him and he was dry within 3 days with no accidents. I agree with the others that you are pushing it when she's clearly not ready yet and it's unkind to put pressure on her at such a young age. Where will it end?

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