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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery put nappy on potty training child

105 replies

Smarshian · 14/08/2018 19:28

So we have been following "oh crap potty training", did 3 days at home with quite a bit of success. By day 3 DD was peeing on the potty in clothes and letting us know when she needed to go (with about 2 seconds warning), she had 2 accidents that day where she had a pre wee then told us and we rushed her to potty.
Today was her first day in nursery, they were prompting her all morning and popping her on potty even though I told them that she doesn't really like to be put on there - she has just been telling us when she needs to go.
Anyway by 10.30 she hadn't had a pee so they decided to put a nappy on her as they thought that she was getting scared of the potty?!
I'm really annoyed as she hadn't had any accidents just been forced to sit on there when she didn't need to go. Aibu to be annoyed and what should I say to them when she's next in on Thursday. I also think they think she is too young as only 20 months, but she came home and asked to use the potty twice and went for a pee.

OP posts:

wurlycurly · 14/08/2018 21:41

I don’t think 20 months is too young. My dd potty trained at 22 months. It isn’t very rare at all despite what others are saying. I would not push it though: if it’s not done and dusted in a few days I’d try again a wee bit down the line. I would also do it all at home when you’re on holiday and accept there will be assistance at nursery but that it is your job as parent to do the bulk of the training. Good luck

EC22 · 14/08/2018 21:46

You need to speak to the nursery. She definitely isn’t too young, especially as she has successfully used the potty at home. I’d be annoyed too, nursery should be well used to accidents in potty training children, not sure why they put a nappy on her, unless you hadn’t supplied a change?

Zoosie · 14/08/2018 21:56

Both you and nursery need to stop hassling the poor girl!

Constantly asking and asking if she needs the loo is not potty training.

If she’s showing definite signs of readiness, put her on the toilet and let her go.

I personally think potties are awful things! Straight onto the loo.

Do not constantly ask her to go to the toilet!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2018 21:58

Crispysausagerolls
I totally agree. And now with TallTilly coming on that makes 3 parents, who say their dds just trained themselves when they were ready. From what I’ve read, I understand it to be relatively common amongst girls. But op doesn’t seem ready to listen. 2 seconds warning is a child, who isn’t ready but just aware that they are performing a bodliy function.

Coyoacan · 14/08/2018 21:59

Sorry, I jumped to the end, but I'm just a bit surprised at all the comments saying that nurseries don't do potty training. Over thirty years ago, my dd's nursery started her potty training and I followed suit.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 14/08/2018 22:12

Was the 10:30 nappy a one-off or did they keep her in a nappy for the rest of the day?

I suppose you'll just have to discuss it with the nursery.

Noodledoodledoo · 14/08/2018 22:19

My daughter potty trained at 2yr 9 months. Was dry in 3 days. Started on the Friday, didn't go with the whole no clothes thing - fully dressed in leggings and pants etc. 1 accident in the morning, a few more small drops in pants before getting to the potty, got the idea pretty quickly.

By Sunday was happily doing it all by herself, no accidents, small spots etc, including sorting her clothes out to go - we had done lots of this before even starting potty training.

Went back to nursery on the Monday, 2 accidents in the first week - one due to being on the far side of the garden and didn't quite make it back to the loo, the other was due to squeezing her legs together whilst sat on the potty so wee came up not down so not really an accident.

Those are her only two accidents ever at nursery - this was a year ago. Same across the board, I carry spare clothes with me most places but have yet to use them.

I would say not giving more warning and not being able to sort her own clothes would say to me she isn't ready.

Noodledoodledoo · 14/08/2018 22:21

I also didn't go down the sit on the potty every 30 minutes route, just reminded her about it fairly regularly.

ScouseAT · 14/08/2018 22:27

She is not too young. If she is ready she is ready. You know your daughter better than anyone else. She making good strides and needs consistency so speak to nursery and asking them to mirror what you do at home. At a 1:3 ratio this is completely doable and a perfectly reasonable request. For what it’s worth my little girl was 19months, showed signs of being ready so we had a ‘naked’ Friday 60:40 success rate, naked Saturday 100%success rate and clothed Sunday and one accident. The last one she never had. She was dry at night 2 weeks later. The long and short of it is she disliked nappies (lots of sore bottoms) and once she realised if she used the potty she didn’t have to wear one she was grand. She’s 6 now and has never ‘regressed’. Her little bro on the other hand was almost 3. Had tried a little earlier but never progressed past day 1, he just wasn’t ready but when he was he was dry within the week. You know your child best so trust your instincts and ask that nursery support your approach.

Moonflower12 · 14/08/2018 23:04

If she is only giving 2 seconds warning, in a nursery setting this won't work. They aren't allowed to keep the potty in the room. It has to be in the bathroom to stop other children touching it etc. So they would have to run to the bathroom with the resulting wet pants so this might be putting her off? Hence why they thought she wasn't 100% comfortable?

DrWhy · 15/08/2018 09:41

Our nursery are very supportive of potty training and will practically do it for you once they think they are ready but they do have one little girl who was ‘potty trainied’ at less than 18 months which was a total pain as she had to be taken through to the toilets where the potty was off the pre-school room every half hour or so, I’m surprised the staff agreed to it. My DS is 23 months and is a bit interested in the potty, sometimes I think he looks like he needs a wee so I’ll ask if he wants one but he’ll say no then wee 2 minutes later. He’ll also deny he has a dirty nappy so he doesn’t have to stop playing, I’m 6 months pregnant and there is no way I’m embarking on this battle now. My mum if horrifed as I was dry by 20 months but I’ve heard so many stories from friends who pushed to potty train the first and they then regressed when the new baby arrived, which sounds like total hell. So I’m planning to leave it until next spring / summer at around 2.6 - 2.9, which judging by this thread sounds a pretty standard age. He’ll also then be in the pre-school room so easy for nursery to deal with too.

Tanith · 15/08/2018 10:16

Did you discuss this with the nursery before you started training your daughter?
You really can’t expect them to follow a method of your choosing without agreement, then get annoyed when they don’t follow it.

As pp have said, they have the other children to consider and, while a dirty nappy may not be desirable, dirty clothes, furniture, floor and resources is even worse and is unhygienic.

Potty training should be by mutual agreement if you expect the setting to help. Otherwise, you keep them off and train them yourself.

lozbeth · 15/08/2018 11:26

All nurseries should be supportive of the parents wishes and I know my nursery is supportive and they help toilet train a child and 20 months isn't too young to toilet train and of you want to send your child at the age of 3 to a school preschool they have to be toilet trained as they won't do nappies due to safeguarding.

SuperRandom · 15/08/2018 11:29

Pull ups - solved. 😁

IceCreamFace · 15/08/2018 11:31

It's possible to train that early and sometimes works but just as often leads to problems or weeks or months of accidents. I don't see any advantage of doing it early to be honest. You certainly can't expect nursery to be waiting at the ready to pop her on the potty.

SpottingTheZebras · 15/08/2018 11:32

Absolute crap. By law a preschool or nursery is not allowed to discriminate against a child and not accept him/her because they are in nappies.

Hidillyho · 15/08/2018 11:34

Ask for a copy of the toilet training policy at nursery. At DCs nursery they need to be dry for 2 weeks before they will allow your child to go without nappies on (by dry for 2 weeks I don’t mean the full day, just at home where it’s easier to give 1 on 1 attention).

StressedToTheMaxx · 15/08/2018 11:44

At 2 my ds was telling me when he needed to wee. I though he was too little to start training. He is now about to turn 3 and I feel he has become lazy and is now relying on the nappy.
I wish I had started before.
Stick with it OP. The signs she is ready are good luck. And keep communicating the the nusrey.
Ps. i am a nursery teacher as well as a mum so I see it from both sides.

mistermagpie · 15/08/2018 12:08

I've just potty trained DS1 with oh crap and he nailed it. He's just turned three though and the oh crap author seems to think you've failed if you've not cracked it by three! He just wasn't ready before and we have had no problems at all since we started either at home, out and about or at nursery.

She is young so might take a bit longer than three days, DS was running about bottomless for a good five days before he graduated to pants (thank you heatwave), then he was totally fine. Three days isn't enough, most of my friends give it a good 5-7 before nursery take over so I suggest you do the same? FWIW my DS will wait hours before doing his first wee of the day, he's not scared of anything, just seems to hold it. Maybe she's the same? After that he can be ever half an hour though depending what he's drunk!

mistermagpie · 15/08/2018 12:09

We're in Scotland btw where they stay in nursery until they start school at 5. Much less pressure!

Original poster

Smarshian · 15/08/2018 13:14

So today she woke up and has been completely dry all day at home. We went out for an hour earlier and are planning on an outing this afternoon. Every time she has needed to go she has come and told me "wee wee" and then I have taken her to the potty. We haven't particularly rushed. When I've asked her if she needs to go (I only did tho before we went out and when we got back she said yes both times).
I think nursery were just pushing her too much to go yesterday and upset her.

OP posts:

ItsColdNow · 15/08/2018 13:45

My daughter just toilet trained at 23 months. It took a couple of days but it was completely her idea. (She has older siblings) she uses the loo and not a potty. She basically just said she wanted to use the toilet. If they are ready it takes very little time. We’ve had no ‘pre-wees’ only one accident (day 2 in the car for over an hour) and she’s dry at night as well within a week. It sounds like nursery really don’t think she’s ready. If you want to train that young (perfectly possible but harder work) you need to do it yourself.
In the ‘old days’ kids were often trained at 18 months as all nappies were washable. We’ve hit a time where people seem to believe 3 is more normal (not critism my son was nearly 3 when he was ready)

StopAndChat · 15/08/2018 14:05

I don't think she is too young but that doesn't mean she's ready. 2 seconds warning is not enough time in a child care setting. It just isn't. You need to have a conversation with them and make sure you are both on the same page. It was unfair of you to have NOT done this.

There's not much 'training' to be done when a child is ready, it's pretty stress free tbh.

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 15/08/2018 14:17

I don't think you should be blaming the nursery really. She wasn't trained. You said yourself that you sent her after 3 days of training and even on the third day she had two accidents? You can call them what you like but a "pre-wee" is an accident and 2 seconds notice is not enough and means that there's a high possibility she will have an accident so you set your child up for failure.

I wouldn't expect any child to be able to cope with early toilet training in a nursery setting. It's too busy and too distracting and much too much pressure on the child especially a child that is 20 months. I know some think 20 months is not too young but personally I think it is. If a child is ready to be trained they will stop having accidents within 2ish days. I know some people who are trying to potty train children and it goes on for weeks with accidents every day. That is just not right and it should be stopped and revisited when the child is ready.

Sounds like she is doing well today though but don't put too much pressure on her.

Louiselouie0890 · 15/08/2018 15:01

You can porltty train at home but nursery will be a totally different ball game. She might have been scared to use it, it's not home. I'd work with the nursery and trust there judgement

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