To hate the town in which I live?

[CuckooLuckoo]

I've name changed as it might make me identifiable .

I live in quite a rough town in an area of the UK that is commonly thought of and joked about as being full of unintelligent, inbred people. I absolutely hate it here.

I grew up in a really lovely place with friendly people and then when I was 15 my parents decided to move to this area because of my father's work. I started at school here and absolutely hated it. I ended up leaving school at 16 and getting a job and for some reason just never moved away. DH is not from here but also moved here as a child like I did.

Reasons I hate it here:

Its very very rough. Especially the town centre. It's like being on the Jeremy Kyle show when you walk through town.

People who are from the area are extremely rude and unfriendly. You are not considered a local unless you are someone's cousin and someone has known you since birth. If you chat to someone, for example, who is serving you in a shop, they look at you like you're absolute crap. Every single friend that I have is not from the area originally.

There is nothing to do here at all; if it's a rainy day the only place to take kids is a smelly, dirty soft play place that has drug addicts in the door way. We have no decent shopping centre, no decent cinema, no ice skating/roller skating/trampolining places for kids, no decent restaurants or pubs (stabbing is a problem in pubs here it seems). There is literally nothing to do!

The general 'rough-ness' of the area worries me for my DC growing up.

It's in the middle of nowhere! You can't just pop to another town for the day without driving for an hour!

I really want to move away from the area but DH won't. We both have businesses, mine I could run from anywhere but DH's is more local. We do have a really nice house in a nice village on the outskirts of the town, but this doesn't override all of the negatives of the town for me. DH hates it here and hates the local people too but won't move.

I actually feel constantly down and depressed living here. If we go out for the day away from the town and to another area I perk up a lot and feel so much happier.

AIBU to hate where I live? Is anyone else in the same position?

What I did as a teen growing up in that dump was drink cider in the park and mess around with boys.

Come to cromer. It's full of outsiders as summer visitors have decided to stay. Makes house prices high though.

Stoke is ok, it's very close to the Peak District. Slough is not very pleasant, but people move there for work and house prices are high. Slough contrasts to Windsor

God I knew this was Kings Lynn as soon as I read the OP. I'm within a few miles and completely sympathise with you OP. It's just sooo shit. So is my town. Criminals for neighbours and no way of getting out, we are utterly trapped here. Drugs, theft and violent crime are rife.

I thought you were going to say Haverhill! I'm from nearby there in Suffolk, but so much else of Suffolk is lovely, so it's a similar thing. I've always thought of Norfolk as great, places like Winterton, Sea Palling etc are great for holidays, and I have friends in Norwich who rave about it. Doesnt sound like you need a big move, but you do need a move.

I was going to say Portsmouth or Norwich lol

Move to Suffolk?

bobble it happens in other places too. I will always remember visiting my friend at uni in Glasgow and being threatened and intimated by a group of men mocking me for my 'posh' accent. I haven't been back to Scotland since!

North Norfolk and Norwich are lovely.

Phew! We have booked a weeks holiday on the North Norfolk coast at the end of September so I am relieved to hear it. I will give KL a swerve though.

Mansfield/Chesterfield/Hull are awful!
Hmmm! That's a bit harsh about Chesterfield as it has the advantage of being in the Peak District and lots of nice villages nearby.

Don't know about Hull itself but I once stayed on the outskirts in Hessle and that seemed like a nice town.

You could be right about Manfield though.

The thing about other rubbish places is it's easy to get to nice places.

Stoke may well be rough (I don't know) but it easy to get to Manchester or Birmingham for shopping, shows, cinema or excitement.

KL is hasn't got a multiplex cinema - you have to drive for an hour to get anywhere and the anywhere you get to may be rough as well. This is but one example.

I had a great holiday in Norfolk a few years ago. We loved Norwich.

You need to identify where you want to move to, if you have a location in mind and can present all the positives of that place to discuss it with your DH. You must have somewhere in mind.

We lived in a small Norfolk town in the 1990s and it was parochial and tight knit to say the very least. We would get stared at when we went to the pub and several times in independent shops, locals behind us in the queue used to get served first. It felt like an episode of the League of Gentlemen!

Fortunately, we were close enough to Norwich to go there often and it is much more diverse and interesting.

I would consider moving to Swaffham or even Dereham where you will be closer to Norwich and away from the KL culture. North Norfolk is beautiful but expensive and transport isn't great. It can also be a bit quiet in the winter.

Can your DH move his business base away from KL? Look for more clients in the Dereham/Swaffham areas?

www.edp24.co.uk/news/dereham-article-worst-places-to-live-uk-1-5655494

Seems like you should also steer clear of Dereham contray to some mumnetters advice....

OP,A lot of the things you describe could apply to my local town (apart from the having to drive for an hour to get to any other major towns). When I first moved here 36 years ago,it wasn't at all bad,but it has gradually gone downhill over the years. And I totally get what you mean about feeling like you're on the Jeremy Kyle show when you walk through the town centre!

I knew it from your description! I grew up there too, actually Wisbech which I would consider worse than KL, for the love of God move! Downham Market is better if you can't go far, Norwich is a different world away, move there! I've lived north for about five years now and the quality of life is so much better. I would like to move back to Norfolk but it would be Norwich/coast or nothing!

interesting thread ... I dither about this alot ... would love to have the £ to "choose" somewhere to live, and then if it didn't work out "choose" somewhere different again ...

i am a little bit surprised re. norfolk. I thought "Norwich was the new Brighton".

Like another poster I live somewhere (in the SW) where its either posh or drug addict Jeremy Kyle city, no in-between. It really feels like drugs are a big part of the problem, but not the only one. People look ill and ravaged. The irony is I am actually ill - but you probably wouldn't know it to look at me as I haven't got the broken/ravaged/drug-addled look.

I live on the "dark side of town" and often do find it depressing. however, the other day I thought also - all human life is here and to engage with it/embrace it! be as friendly as i want (or not), at least whilst I'm here ....

that said, if you have a choice, you can just move, i really would if i were you. your DH can always start a business elsewhere.

Is it really in the same league of grimness as places like Stoke, Grimsby, Mansfield or my personal nomination for ‘worst shithole in England’, Skegness?
I have fond memories of tatty trips to Skegness as a kid . But it is a dump. One year we go to go to Butlins and we were super excited.

I still think Grimsby would be more on my 'shit places to live' list than Skegness (But Skeggy is pretty dire).

I understand. I'm from somewhere like that. I did move away and I can't even think about my hometown without feeling depressed. Actually I can't go to any tired seaside town without feeling profoundly miserable.

Can you ask your DH if he might trial living elsewhere and see if you can make it work? You could rent yours and rent something else. He might realise that he can do his job from a different town and likes living somewhere less shit.
I understand your feelings and think you
Should press your D.H. to try another place

If you’re determined to go do so before your children get ‘settled’. Having experienced similar issues I just laughed when a colleague invited everyone to her wedding except for any incomers that hadn’t lived in the town for decades! Her husband to be had already cheated despite already being from the family - very grim.

Thing is, you can live anywhere and hate it. I am happy in a place most people think is a shithole; you can be miserable in the 'best' of places. If you hate it that much then your husband needs to listen to how miserable you are.

I'd echo the comment that the hatred towards the Norfolk accent (which isn't that bad) speaks volumes about your state of mind and a move Norwich way (great as it is) wouldn't perhaps be the answer.

Yes, the more you move into Norfolk the stronger the accent gets. Have your DC got any cousins in the area? I am sure they will be very happy! Good luck in the future.

Having grown up near Dereham (in a nice little place) and then purchased our first house in the heart of Dereham....please, do not leave KL for Dereham. We moved away from Dereham to just outside Norwich a few years back, but I still get depressed whenever I have to drive through Dereham. It's mainly some of the people, not the actual town itself. Jeremy Kyle could easily film an episode there. Does have a really good Tesco though

As others have said you need to have a serious discussion with your husband - I'm assuming you have other nearby areas in mind to entice him with?

I'm afraid there are many such grim towns in the UK and it must be awful to have to live in these places with no chance of escape! You're in a better position than many on here, at least you have a nice home and a business so I hope you don't feel too despondent day to day. But you really mustn't fester there if it makes you so unhappy and if you have the means to do something about it.

We live in Hull and would definitely like to move, there's some good bits, but realistically all the outsiders I've spoken with said they aren't quite accepted ever. I've spent the last couple of years feeling like a leper at times and wondering if it's just me!

Also the city centre is dead, dead, dead after 5.

Some places are such that for many people they do not really live there in the true sense of the word, they exist or survive.