AIBU to ask people who don’t respond to invites why you don’t respond?

[IAmADancer]

I know this has been done to death but why if you get an invite to something do you not bother to respond? I don’t understand? Is it so hard to text/email and just say thanks or no thanks. Also why do people not respond and then turn up anyway! It means I have catered for a certain amount of people and then people appear whom I had no idea were coming.
Can anyone answer this for me, I am baffled!

@crimsonlake it’s a nursery and it’s how the nursery ask to do invites. I don’t expect the staff to do it on my behalf, that is there process and I do as they ask.

@smigglepiggle I don’t think you’re a bitch at all. It’s really entitled behaviour. They should just respond

A little rude OP, yes. But understandable and not worth getting in a tizz about. If people do not respond, then don't cater for them and if they turn up explain that they didn't respond and there is no room for them. Then it's for THEM to explain that to their kids, not you.

SMigglepiggle - I think I love you

@IAmADancer I just hate the thought of some poor kid getting upset because their parents couldn't be bothered to reply.

I also posted a reminder to the parents (tagging them in) on a nursery group I'm part of and they'd all viewed the post (comes up with who has seen it) so no excuses about lost invites etc either.

smigglepiggle - inthinknyounarenperfectlybreasonable whennits a pay per child activity!

Mine is a soft play party but it's a soft play frame in a church hall and we have exclusive use for a fixed fee, so I won't turn people away if they show up - don't want to upset the kids, my son would be upset too etc. But for a pay per child thing I'd absolutely turn them away

I think people don’t understand that RSVP means reply either way. I’ve found that people who aren’t coming to an event they just don’t reply at all.

Worse than the non- RSVP’ers are people who say yes but then don’t turn up! Had several of these at my child’s last party which cost me quite a bit of money. Unfortunately these children won’t be invited in future because I don’t want to take a risk on whether their parents are going to be rude again.

Smigglepiggle that’s brave and quite right too. People are rude. I can be patchy about replying, especially when invitations are given out weeks in advance because I can only think a few days in advance. If I’m very late accepting an invitation I always say “if it’s not too late” and wouldn’t mind if it was.

Also, not so much waiting for a better offer but if there’s already going to be a lot on and your kid’s party is bottom of my list of priorities it will be the first thing I’d drop if it was all going to be too much. That would be most parties except for my kid’s best friends’.

Not replying at all - rude rude rude.

@smigglepiggle I know, I get that and it’s really crap but as you can see from other posters nothing to get in a tizz over, it’s totally fine to make your children feel shit.

Ahh I fell better now. My DH was initially "I'll tell them to jog on ... blah blah blah" and then was going to try and relent, pay the extra to the staff until I gave him "the look".

MilkybarGrownup Don't apologise for your husband's failure to respond to RSVPs, he should be doing that himself.

Good on you @smigglepiggle
A friend had a very expensive soft play/adventure playground type place booked for her DS and at £15 per child, and booking places just in case they showed up could have wasted a fortune! Luckily everyone realised this and replied promptly. The only one who caused a little bit of stress was the class bully's mum who dumped him off and didn't stay to supervise (though adults staying to supervise their kids was clearly expected)
The rest of the mums spent the day watching him and dragging him off kids he was pounding on. Tbh it was kind of expected. The children who actually need supervising because of behaviour are usually the ones where the parents are off the second they can!

I just forget sometimes. Like many people, I have a life that's a series of moving parts. I get an invitation and can't always respond immediately because it depends on three different moving parts, and some of those are unreliable people's responsibility. Amongst all that, things get forgotten.

It's infuriating, I know, and I wish it were simpler and I were better - but that's the reality of life these days!

But I'm not going to prioritise a kids' birthday party (one of about 35 my kids get invited to every year, over a family event or something more important that might crop up.

Jesus Christ try and have a little empathy Cruella.

You do realise that there’s some little kid anxiously waiting whilst you decide on your hectic schedule. Just say no FFS.

Well it's not malicious and if reminded I always reply immediately. I do think people (in this area, at least), shouldn't send out invites so bloody early - that's a big part of the problem. And yes, it's kind to invite my DC, but I honestly wish this 'whole class party' culture would stop. No one wants to spend 30 days a year out of their precious weekends at DC's birthday parties.

ahhh I hate people not letting you no
last year I invited 15 kids to my DS party out of 15 4 let me no they would come - I tried to chase up asked nursery to help - still nothing 0 day of the party 5 turned up! just 5! I was fuming! I got extras in just incase people forgot etc - luckily my son was made up 5 friends came - me I was devastated.
this year his party is this weekend I invited 20 (these 20 we have been to each of their parties this year iv got speaking to parents more etc) iv had 18 yes 2 no - now im prayin on Saturday the 18 do turn up keeping my fingers crossed

@juneau I’m sure you’d be upset though if your kids were never invited to any birthday parties. All people are asking you to do is just respond with a no thank you, that’s not too much to ask is it. Then you’re precious weekends wouldn’t get intruded on. Or you could just ask the teachers to refuse any invitations your given and that would make it a whole lot easier for the parents being kind enough to invite your child.

I’ve done it before when i’ve either not found the invitation until the day of the party, or turned up on the wrong day (twat!) or just completely forgotten!
I have text and appologised and sent a present into school for them to try and make amends! I’d never do it deliberately.

@mynameisnotrachel ah I feel for you, it’s horrible and people are horrible. I’m seriously tempted to never do another party again as people are just rude. I hope your DS has a wonderful party on Saturday!

No one wants to spend 30 days a year out of their precious weekends at DC's birthday parties.
I’ll be honest I am worse since my third DC started school, it’s hard to keep up. I do feel guilty though, for her and the party throwers.
Unless it’s in the school holidays it’s much easier to remember if the party invites aren’t sent out more than 2 weeks in advance.

IAmADancer - thank you! people are horrible your right! its so rude just to not let people no or say yes and don't turn up! one of the boys in my sons class his mum does this all the time - and now no one will invite him - its not his fault its her lazy ass!

Juneau - you should let all the parents no then - do not invite my child to parties simple as.

I am poor at responding which I acknowledge but I would never attend without first speaking to the parent. My excuses are just general busy-ness and a ‘I’ll do that later’ only later happens a week or so later!

I had this for my eldest's 5th birthday. For her 6th birthday we only invited those who had replied the previous year (be it a yes or no). We'll do the same for our younger two.

If DC get an invite to a party and I've got something booked then I RSVP no. If we don't have anything on, I RSVP yes. It's not difficult.

It happened a couple of times when DS was in reception so I didn't know parents/ children and never went near the school gates. If the invitation got lost* there was no way to get in contact. I have now got phone numbers for those DS is most likely to invite and I also save the details including the phone number into my phone for future reference so I have reduced the chance of it happening.

• several times, much coveted invitations have turned up in DC's beds or in their drawers because they were excited and stashed them away from my "safe place" where I had them visible to remind me.

I have also believed that I've replied and sent it to the wrong number. Someone recently did a verbal check and it emerged that this happened. I thought it was unusual not to get a message in response.

With two young DCs, we could easily get about 25 invitations a year assuming class 1 does all the boys and half of class 2 does a whole class party. That's not an even spread of 50% of our weekends with a party involved as they tend to cluster, so if it's not a close friend, I don't always immediately rush to commit to disrupting a day of the weekend for the whole family for two of us to be out for a 2-3 hour window. I will sometimes hold until closer to the RSVP date particularly if there's something like an ongoing DIY project in the background where it's not clear if it's at a one or two man point. Progress is slow enough around family life without a good third of weekends being affected by children's parties. For many people time management is not always clear with a month's notice for immediate response.

@IAmADancer i feel the same. Sons bday on Saturday. Invited 24 had about 12 reply. Now do I only make up 12 party bags and enough food for 12 or do more? What if an extra 5 turn up and then I don't have party bags/ enough food!
We sent them early too as ds bday is in school holidays.