Advice needed please - child arrangement order

[Standinguptononsense]

Not really an Aibu as such but posted for traffic.

My ex husband and I have been separated for over 3 years. We have a court order in place for the children as of Oct 2016.

He is not taking me back to court because I won't agree to a spreadsheet dictating when each of us takes the children to the dentist, Dr's, hairdressers, get there feet measured and when they speak to the other parent when they are not with them! Despite me saying we can have a conversation about it, because I won't go to mediation (because a, there's no point and b I can't afford it). I've very recently remarried so I. Wonder if this has sparked his narcissist traits off again and he's trying to control every last thing.

Does anyone have an experience of this?

Thanks in advance

Xxx

How are things OP?

Oh it gets better. We went back and forth and pretty much sorted it out..until he sent over a document for my to sign with what he wanted to do in (regardless) of what was best for the kids. Then said sign this or I'll take you to court.

I said I won't sign anything and he then backtracked and said in an attempt to resolve this what bits did I think we agreed on (which was explicitly clear in previous emails)....ive ignored him.

Good for you OP! What s twat.

I know right. I said the document means nothing it's not legally binding. And he said that he finds it concerning I won't sign it... 😂😂

Bless him. I've got mediation this week. Only the first meeting though as mediation not suitable but you have to get the form for court.

Indeed. 😂 Good luck. It's a rough deal having an abusive ex. I don't intend to reply to him anymore as it's just gives him wanking material for his narcissistic ego 😂😂

Numpty idiot. Not surprised he back tracked tho as soon as you stood up to him.

‘We’ve slready covered all this and it’s in your emails. find your serious short term memory loss concerning. Can I really leave my children with someone who might be getting early onset dementia? It’s an awful disease so I know this won’t be welcome but do you think you should see a gp?’

Yeah exactly. I'm. Bored of his nonsense. Minimal contact is the way forward. X

Mediation initial meeting was ok except he wanted some details of the DV, and forms will be sent to the solicitor ready for court application. Here we go again!

:( keep me posted xx

No update as yet from ex husband. I didn't reply to his last email and don't intend to. I've had nothing else. He has had their haircut today in line with his spreadsheet and document which a, saves me going and b, saves me money. Winner winner lol

Does he toilet them to a schedule too What a dick.

Mediation phoned me to say my stbexh has agreed to an assessment meeting No idea why as I've said I won't sit in the same room as the abusive bastard. Oh. Yes I do. Because he wants his half an hour of moaning about me and how hard done to he is. That's why.

Ha ha sounds familiar.... Always someone else's fault. Accepts no responsibility for his own behavior....

So it appears I will be going to court early next month. He's applied for a specific steps order....

Need to sort the exception from mediation out then submit my papers in 14 days.

Keep calm. Do your prep. Write your points out clearly. You'll be fine. Judges are used to bullies.

I'm okay, just seems unfair that I'm being dragged back through the courts over this.

Do you know where I get the form for exception from?

I think you will be contacted by the mediator he has referred to. You give your reasons and they tick a box. That's it.

There will also be something sent to you from court form wise... You may have a box to tick there too.

Really try not to worry. Any idiot can apply to court... Doesn't mean it'll go anywhere. Bullshit money making long winded system in my opinion

I've received all the court papers today. Need to. Read through them. He's stated I refused to. Attend (which I did) and there's a form. Signed by the mediator.

I don't see why I should pay to attend the first session on my own when I don't want to go with him.

I would,personally agree to mediate. Any half decent mediator will tell him he can’t get away with haircutting on a schedule. That would hopefully then be the end of the matter. I know the cost is awful and it’s horrible having to deal with him but be careful,you don’t back yourself into an ‘unreasonable ex’ corner unwittingly.

So do I need to go back to the mediator and say I'll. Do the initial session. He's horrendously emotionally abusive to me so I do not want to be in a room with him?

The only way you should consider mediation is shuttle mediation. That's where you are not in same room and mediator goes between you.

However if you can't afford it don't do it. Honestly I know people say about appearing reasonable but it's bollocks imo. You are already being reasonable. What you have done so far is reasonable, in accommodating him as much as possible . Refusing mediation with an abuser is reasonable. Him going to court is unreasonable but that is him not you.

Thank you. I just can't put myself through that again.

I would ring them and explain you are not able to mediate because of abuse. Tell them you aren't able to spend £100 on the MIAM just to say that you can't cope with doing it anyway.

You should write a position statement for court with what you did to resolve issues. Why you couldn't mediate and what you see as what should happen.

I will say it again. It will be ok. This is all bluster and crap