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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting 4 year old have a sip..

153 replies

RoseGardenDreams · 12/08/2018 22:40

of wine! Aibu to be disgusted and upset by this? At a so-called friends house last night and the 4 year old was begging to try some (and said it in a way that means she's clearly tried it before as she said it makes her laugh) and he just let her. I was too shocked to say anything but we made our excuses and left.

OP posts:
OftenHangry · 13/08/2018 17:53

@LoveInTokyo 😂 Have you seen "The creation of Manchester" photo? It was in news all around the world

LoveInTokyo · 13/08/2018 18:17

Oh my days! Grin

I love the Edvard Munch version.

OftenHangry · 13/08/2018 18:24

That's a beautiful one. Apparently the guy doesn't remember any of it...
It's not about kids tasting alcohol. It's about adults showing them how to not misuse it IMHO.

delphguelph · 13/08/2018 18:26

Don't see a problem. My four year old has tried beer, wine and coffee.

Prefers apple juice thankfully.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 13/08/2018 18:28

Meh. Doesn’t bother me. But then I don’t have alcoholics in the family that might skew my view.

Gillian1980 · 13/08/2018 18:34

Yabu and massively overreacted in my opinion.

A sip won’t do harm and won’t in itself lead to alcoholism. Properly drinking it at that age would be another thing altogether.

I grew up with an alcoholic single parent and alcohol freaks me out a bit - I can’t stand drunk people - but I find leaving someone’s house because of what you’ve described ott.

cyantist · 13/08/2018 19:49

I also read it that your friend allowed your 4 year old to have a sip, which I thought was out of order. But allowing their own 4 year old a sip I don't think is that bad.

While it is illegal, it's not illegal if the child is 5 and I know plenty of younger people who have had a sip of alcohol.

It's not the same in any way as allowing then to try a cigarette, because they aren't less than 12 months away from legally being able to smoke.

damag · 13/08/2018 20:15

Op you are exactly the type of parent I sidled slowly away from at toddler groups.

Think of this type of occurrence as natures way of allowing us to find our allies in life.

Never see this dangerous, evil man again, seek out your fellow pearl clutchers to befriend and everyone will be so much happier for it !

Deadheadstickeronacadillac · 13/08/2018 20:30

Apparently I used to toddle round the vicarage sipping everyone's sherry when I was 18 months old...grandfather was a vicar. Now 40 and tea-total; go figure.
Hubby barely drinks so dc's don't have the usual 'mummy and daddy need to have a drink to cope with life'. Both dc's (yes including baby) have both tried alcohol, real ale so hated by both. Baby much prefers my espresso.
This bloody puritanical attitude about alcohol is what causes the problems for many kids. Have seen it first hand at US universities. People found it disgusting that I could drink legally in UK at 18, yet their students used to abuse alcohol far more because it was verboten.
Get a grip and worry about something important and stop being so bloody judgemental.

namechange2pointoh · 13/08/2018 20:39

Now 40 and tea-total; go figure.
Hubby barely drinks so dc's don't have the usual 'mummy and daddy need to have a drink to cope with life'

I don't think that's the 'usual'. I mean it happens, but it's not a standard

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 13/08/2018 20:57

I'd struggle to get wound up about this tbh, certainly wouldn't have made excuses & left-serious over reaction.

Louiselouie0890 · 13/08/2018 21:12

It makes me laugh thread like these. Your a terrible parent for giving juice but calm your panties over wine. Bizarre

ImAIdoot · 13/08/2018 21:21

I havent done this with my DCs, but I do remember being given a tiny sip of beer when I was 3 by a family member who was a senior police officer.

Cue laughs from everyone at my scrunched up little face because it tasted so gross (which is why I still remember it now). Not sure how we got through that day without an armed response unit rounding everyone up.

OkPedro · 14/08/2018 00:30

No one has yet to explain how giving a four year old a sip of alcohol is ok but giving a four year old a puff from a cigarette not a pack but a puff is worse?!
Alcohol is the worst legal drug we use
Alcohol and cigarettes cause cancer, heart disease, vascular disease etc

Why is it ok to give one drug and not another?

roboticmom · 14/08/2018 01:34

It's the fact that the child was excited to have it that worries me.

I hardly drank until I met my DH- he grew up in a house where he was allowed sips and drinks before he was old enough. I grew up in a No Alcohol until you are 18 house (my Mom's Dad was an alcoholic). Now I can't go without my 2 large glasses of wine a night (at least). Which is way more than is healthy and I live in fear of getting cancer.

I really wish I could go back to not wanting alcohol. Is it DH's influence that has created the problem, or is it the fact that I didn't have it introduced as something ordinary? Hard to say.

RoadToRivendell · 14/08/2018 07:39

No one has yet to explain how giving a four year old a sip of alcohol is ok but giving a four year old a puff from a cigarette not a pack but a puff is worse?!

Most (not all) parents aspire to raise their children to drink alcohol sensibly. I don't think anyone wants their child to smoke sensibly - is there any such thing? It's so vile.

Ofitck · 14/08/2018 07:57

I do have an alcoholic DF so I can understand the concern, but I think you were massively overreacting.

We live abroad in one of the big wine producing regions. All the family is involved in the grape harvest and my ds4 loves jumping on the grapes in the car the traditional way. He’s naturally been interested in the end product, had a sip and doesn’t like it. He knows that grown ups can’t have too much of it or it can be dangerous. It’s not a “thing” for him.

Rachie1973 · 14/08/2018 08:09

I can’t get upset about this. It’s such a tiny thing to be wound up about

cyantist · 14/08/2018 09:57

No one has yet to explain how giving a four year old a sip of alcohol is ok but giving a four year old a puff from a cigarette not a pack but a puff is worse?!

Erm yes I have but I'll repeat it for you. The 4 year old is less than 12 months away from legally being able to have a sip of alcohol. They are not less than 12 months away from being able to legally smoke.

formerbabe · 14/08/2018 10:06

I think it's shitty parenting and totally pointless. Why let them have a sip? What's to be gained? A slightly older child wouldn't be so bad, but four is way too young. Why not just say 'no, this drink is just for adults'.

formerbabe · 14/08/2018 10:15

Apparently I used to toddle round the vicarage sipping everyone's sherry when I was 18 months old...grandfather was a vicar. Now 40 and tea-total; go figure

Both dc's (yes including baby) have both tried alcohol, real ale so hated by both. Baby much prefers my espresso

Can't bear this sort of middle class justification. Of course, in a nice middle class family, it's just so fabulous and continental that young children are having a sip of real ale. Meanwhile, if a baby is toddling round a council flat having a sip of their parents alcopop, it's viewed totally differently.

Tallzarathegreat · 14/08/2018 10:20

Mountain out of a molehill.

I don't even drink but even I wouldn't bat eyelid.

It's not the same as smoking, as others have said, moderate alcohol consumption is socially acceptable in the uk, we even use alcohol in cooking etc, smoking in moderation isn't a thing.

There is no need or point in giving a child a sip of alcohol but usually they find it disgusting and stop asking.

We once gave ds a sip of coffee from costa, he was convinced it was milkshake and kept on and on, so we gave him a sip thinking that would be that, unfortunately he liked it and wanted more, strange child.

We just said no it's for adults, now he knows that coffee cups aren't milkshake and that's that.

He hasn't grown two heads or developed a coffee addiction.

Tika77 · 14/08/2018 10:23

My dad was an alcoholic. He let me taste his beer when I was the same age and also stringer drinks. It worked, I hated alcohol.
I have a drink every now and then, get tipsy about every 10 years.
Nothing wrong with it.
But I knew a family who gave about 2cms of watered down wine to their 2 year old every single night and I think it was totally wrong. I was their au-pair and I know I had a shocked face and said something about it.

MindsetMagic · 19/08/2018 18:02

Hi there

I found out about this post on Heart FM's website. I wanted to start by saying I'm also a child of an alcoholic so totally get where you're coming from on this. We are super sensitive to it, what I will say is that those commenting with little to no experience of alcoholism, alcohol misuse etc, will probably see it as an over-reaction.

I see the comments about how much alcohol is in a sip, what harm could it do etc etc. This is a very simple view of it and not entirely relevant.

You were right to do what you did, you didn't like the environment so you left. You didn't say anything to the person, just made your excuses and left. That is very polite and reasonable in my book. Had you have had a verbal discussion about it, then I can understand some of the discussions. Yes it is the persons house and yes it is their child etc. I'm really not sure that has much weight either, because that point to me is saying people should do what they like in their own homes.

I'm not sure we can say that across the board, it's not OK to do a lot of things even in your own home.

My point is this. What would be the purpose of giving a child alcohol? No matter how much or little. What is the parent/caregiver hoping to achieve? There are plenty of other drinks a kid can have, so what's the rush and need and reason for alcohol?

Mehaveit · 19/08/2018 18:07

My DD3 regularly has full cups of coffee. Decaf as that's all I drink but how would judgy people know that?

Re wine/alcohol. From a little girl I used to have the froth off my DF's ale. One or two slurps of froth. DD3 is the same but DD5 never asks and never cares that DD3 is having some.

Horses for courses. I didn't get drunk till I was 17. I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Fine by me. YABU to judge someone else's choices when you've self said it's a 'sip'.

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