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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting 4 year old have a sip..

153 replies

RoseGardenDreams · 12/08/2018 22:40

of wine! Aibu to be disgusted and upset by this? At a so-called friends house last night and the 4 year old was begging to try some (and said it in a way that means she's clearly tried it before as she said it makes her laugh) and he just let her. I was too shocked to say anything but we made our excuses and left.

OP posts:
CheekyBeggar · 13/08/2018 10:05

I understand op.

Growing up with alcoholic parents skews your entire views on moderation.

How can you trust someone saying 'Oh I'm not an alcoholic, I do enjoy a drink though. My parents gave me drink as a child and it's fine,' when you know full well that your parents said all this stuff and more but still got so pissed regularly that they'd fall over, scream at each other and you, and bribe you to drink from the age of four.

I think they thought if I was drinking too then their drinking wasn't so bad. I was first hospitalised at the age of ten for alcohol poisoning. It was New Year's Eve 2013, they'd been encouraging me and praising me for drinking whisky. Nothing was done about it, but I did not touch a drop after I left that house.

I understand now that some people really don't just deluded themselves, and they truly do enjoy alcohol in moderation, and it isn't the drink of the devil. But I still get the initial gut reaction that you did to a very young child drinking anything at all.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 13/08/2018 10:09

The issue for me here is it's illegal to let a 4yo do it. I'd let a 5yo + try. I was allowed to try wine with food from then upwards and consequently it's never been magic adult nectar. I don't know if it's made the difference now I'm 28, but teens-mid 20s I probably had a more sensible attitude to booze than a lot of people. That said, I don't come from a family with alcohol problems. DP does, so if he wanted to take a completely different approach, I'd do that.

CheekyBeggar · 13/08/2018 10:09

New Year's Eve 2000! That should say.

Cuppaorwine · 13/08/2018 10:15

All these parents telling each other off! Hmm wierd and rude.

Op I think it was a huge overreaction.

Quartz2208 · 13/08/2018 10:23

Initially I thought it was your child so in that case no YANBU - but then I realised that it was their own and it was a sip in which case yes you did overreact.

Its fine to say yours will not be - there are many many parenting choices to make and children do have to accept that friends will be allowed or not allowed different things

Canshopwillshop · 13/08/2018 10:24

DSHathaway - I don’t see how that law can be policed unless someone reports you. Do you think you are going to get arrested if you give a 4 year old a sip of alcohol but not if they are 5 😅 The law is an ass sometimes.

Amanduh · 13/08/2018 10:26

What massive over reaction. My one year old put his hand in a glass of prosecco on new years eve and licked it off 😂

Pressuredrip · 13/08/2018 10:27

You sound unreasonably uptight and very hard work OP, and I wouldn't want to be your friend.

namechange2pointoh · 13/08/2018 10:30

don’t see how that law can be policed unless someone reports you. Do you think you are going to get arrested if you give a 4 year old a sip of alcohol but not if they are 5 😅 The law is an ass sometimes.

It's not the law that's the ass sometimes. It's the people who don't uphold it!

whatshouldIdo999 · 13/08/2018 10:31

I wouldn't let my DC try it, but think you are being a little OTT and a sip isn't likely to do any harm, letting them have a drag of a cigarette however is totally different for many reasons.

I think your past experiences are making you hypersensitive.

paap1975 · 13/08/2018 10:35

Much better for a child to be exposed to alcohol under controlled circumstances than to have it bigged up as a huge no no (and sneak off and get completely hammered at the first opportunity). Attitudes around alcohol in the UK are weird!

LoveInTokyo · 13/08/2018 10:36

Wow, OP, you are very judgemental.

It's really none of your business.

I'm pretty sure my dad let me have a sip of wine or beer from time to time at that age and it did me no harm at all. But saying things like "so-called friend" (really? how does this affect your friendship?) and leaving the house in disgust? What a ridiculous overreaction.

namechange2pointoh · 13/08/2018 10:36

Much better for a child to be exposed to alcohol under controlled circumstances than to have it bigged up as a huge no no (and sneak off and get completely hammered at the first opportunity)

I don't disagree with the idea, but no 4 year old is going to sneak off and get hammered because they were not allowed a taste of alcohol.

There are years to teach children about alcohol.

Gottagetmoving · 13/08/2018 10:39

I don't see the point of giving a child that young a sip of wine, especially if it was case of giving it because the child is demanding a taste and you are not able to say no to a four year old.

When I was a baby it was common for parents to put a teaspoon of brandy or whiskey in a baby's night time bottle to make them sleep, sometimes doctors suggested that! 😒
I doubt it will do too much harm but why do it?.... No need.

RoadToRivendell · 13/08/2018 10:41

It's a bit weird, but you clearly have no sense of proportion and sound like a nightmare.

RoadToRivendell · 13/08/2018 10:42

The issue for me here is it's illegal to let a 4yo do it. I'd let a 5yo + try.

You've been divinely ordained with this thing called judgement. Use it.

Lovemusic33 · 13/08/2018 10:42

I would let mine try wine, it’s not going to kill them having a sip. I was always allowed a glass (well half a glass) of low alcohol wine at Christmas when I was a child, I didn’t turn into a alcoholic (quite the opposite).

FeminaSum · 13/08/2018 10:42

I don't think a sip does any harm. You completely over-reacted.

My mother was an alcoholic as were several other family members so I'm aware of the damage it can do. I started sneaking drinks (not getting drunk) at 13 as I thought it profoundly hypocritical that they could routinely get drunk to the point of not functioning but the idea of me having a small glass was horrifying to them. Then I was completely teetotal from 15-23-ish because I read about 'alcoholic genes' and didn't want to end up that way. Now I drink in moderation and am fine.

Suewiang · 13/08/2018 10:43

You sound unhinged to me

Canshopwillshop · 13/08/2018 10:43

Namechange - ok, so you think a law which states that it’s illegal for a 4 year old to have alcohol but ok for a 5 year old is perfectly sensible and reasonable 🤪

Birdsgottafly · 13/08/2018 10:47

""I don't see the point of giving a child that young a sip of wine, especially if it was case of giving it because the child is demanding a taste and you are not able to say no to a four year old. ""

Because they know that they are doing something that they shouldn't be and is 'naughty'. It's a bit of fun between Adult and child.

It shouldn't happen regularly, but I doubt that it is.

Birdsgottafly · 13/08/2018 10:52

""so you think a law which states that it’s illegal for a 4 year old to have alcohol but ok for a 5 year old is perfectly sensible and reasonable""

In all fairness, that was to do with the effect of alcohol on brain development, which unlike physical differences, doesn't really vary between children. But the law was bought in to protect those children whose Parents are neglectful.

But I agree that it's Ok to give a sip to a child. I have done with my three and a half year old GD, with permission of my DD.

PrtScn · 13/08/2018 10:53

I personally don't see the problem with a sip of wine/beer at that age. One sip and it's usually spat out anyway, and it stops them from pestering you to try it. When they are older (say 13+) allowing them to have a small glass at home with a meal or at Christmas under your supervision I also think is OK.

My upbringing involved my parents getting violent with alcohol, my aunt being an alcoholic and my grandfather killing himself drink driving. I'd rather they were put off at a young age and seeing it as no big deal when they are older, than them seeing it as forbidden fruit and drinking it behind your back.

choccyp1g · 13/08/2018 10:55

Everyone seems to be missing the part in the OP, where the child said "she likes it because it makes her laugh"
I read this to mean she has previously been at least a little bit drunk.
Surely this is unacceptable for a 4 year old child?

RoadToRivendell · 13/08/2018 10:57

Everyone seems to be missing the part in the OP, where the child said "she likes it because it makes her laugh"
I read this to mean she has previously been at least a little bit drunk.
Surely this is unacceptable for a 4 year old child?

Sounds like typical 4-year old nonsense talk to me.

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